An Interview with God- A short story
This is an imaginary situation were I place the Almighty as a celebrity. The purpose is clear: To convey his message in a relaxed, joyful and gracious manner. I am a true believer, and this writing does not pretend in any way to offend, mock or defy anybody`s creed. I hope it is taken as it is: a fantasy story with a morale.
There was a great chaos at the studio. People were running in every direction. Shouts were echoing in the set. Everybody was restless. In a matter of hours the most transcendental interview in history would be going Live on International Cable Television. The technical director yelled at the top of his lungs every command. Actually, he didn`t even yell, he was barking like a rabid dog.
TD-“Two hours and twenty minutes to go, people. We`ve done this type of show a thousand times over. What is it with you? Make it snappy! Holy Guacamole !”
Spat out the TD over the studio speakers.
-“Oh my, oh my! Aren`t we grouchy?” said the floor manager to the camera men who were trying very hard to concentrate on their task.
-“Can`t blame the guy. The eyes of the planet will be on this studio very soon and any screw ups are gonna be on him, you know how it is!” Said camera one
-“Yeah, but Holy guacamole? Isn`t that a bit, well… blasphemous? We don`t want the Guest Star taking it personal. He can hear everything after all” Added camera two
-“Hey, Heey? Watch it, kid! That`s a genuine Ming Dynasty vase. I don`t want any troubles with the Chinese Embassy, you hear?” Shouted the producer
-“Damn it! My headset isn`t working well. I am getting a terrible static noise” Said camera three
-“No swearing on the set, camera three. I heard that. Don`t be such a ninny. Fix it!
People? 55 minutes to go. Do I have to do everything around here?” Protested the TD
Finally, 10 minutes before the appointed time, everything was ready. Faces were unreadable, hands were sweating, there were lots of upset stomachs, headaches, neck pains and an unruly crowd was banging at the Studio`s main gate. Most of them were reporters, envoys, photographers, paparazzi and a nourished group of nuns, priests and bishops. The Pope was nowhere around.
While everybody looked at their watches, a general “It`s Time!” was whispered. Suddenly, the whole studio shone like a midday sun. Everybody went blind for a minute and when their sight returned, a middle age gentleman was sitting on the guest`s seat. He was well-built, with salt and pepper hair, violet eyes a moustache and a goatee. He was wearing white jeans, a white Hindu shirt and white boots.
-“Excuse me, Sir? How did you get in? This is a private set” Said the floor manager
An angelical voice with a melodic pitch came out of his mouth: “I AM your guest, sonny” He answered with a smile.
Immediately, everybody kneeled and started praying” Our Father”
-“Oh, Please. Stop that, children! Believe it or not, I`m a very busy Spirit. I have millions of prayers to answer, not to mention e-mails, and I take care of each and every one of them. Let`s get on with it, shall we?” Said the guest with a sweet smile.
As if the words said had some sort of charm in them, everybody got busy.
-“Make-up?” Yelled the producer
-“No need, sonny. I have my own, thanks”
The host timidly approached his own seat not knowing what to do or where to start.
-“Sorry, Lord? How shall I call you? Father? Lord? God? This is a bit awkward for me” Said the host smiling wryly.
-“Call me T.A. It is less showy. I don`t like long names. They are a waste of prana. By the way, T.A stands for The Almighty, but do not say it on camera, that could change the ways of respectful praying. Thank you, Jonathan”
-“How did you, how could you know my name, T.A?” asked Jonathan nervously.
-“Just relevant questions, please?” answered T.A as he smiled candidly.
-“Sorry, T.A. Forgive me. I am very excited, you know?”
-“OK. Jonathan, T.A. Sir, we are going Live on 5-4-3-2…” Said the floor manager as he squatted out of camera.
JJ-“Good morning world! This is Jonathan Jackson Live from Heavenly Studios with our Super Special Guest: God! He`s asked us to call him T.A. Good morning to you, T.A. How do you feel today?”
TA-“Oh, JJ. I feel Fantabulous. I always do. Thanks for asking!”
JJ-“Tell us, T.A. why did you choose that particular form to appear on T.V?”
TA-“Well, I am not very fond of stereotypes. I love variety, but people would expect me to look mature, at least”
JJ-“And the outfit?”
TA-“For comfort. Sometimes I wonder how you children handle ties and tight pants. They look nice and all, but they are certainly impractical” He said with a sweet smile
JJ-“I see. Why did you accept this interview? This was a very pleasant surprise for all of us!”
TA-“My words have been taken for granted and I like humans very much. I can say they are more devoted than other races around the galaxy, but I need to make things clear once and for all”
JJ-“ I hope you forgive me for this, T.A. but we have to go to commercials. Sorry! We`ll be right back after these important messages”
The TD goes to commercials. We see a commercial of a law firm, then an old video of Jimmy Swaggart, a commercial of Las Vegas Casinos and the commercial break finishes with one of the UN.
JJ-“Welcome back people of the world. Here we are with T.A. and our next question: T.A. I am a bit ashamed to ask you this, but can you prove you are indeed THE GOD?” He nearly collapsed after the question
TA-“I figured as much. That`s one of the reasons that brought me here, the lack of faith. Very well…”
As he said that everything went completely dark. There was a silence hanging in the air for 60 seconds and then the lights came back.
JJ-“Oh” My God…”
TA-“Yes. My son?”
JJ-“Err... Sorry, I didn`t mean… I mean… What? What`s that?” Said JJ looking at the floor manager.
-“A total blackout was reported all around the world for 60 seconds” Answered the floor manager. T.A. candidly smiled again
TA-“Is that sufficient or do you need more proof?”
JJ-“Oh, Nooo, Lord!!”
JJ-“T.A. Right! That`s great. Ok. Now to what really matters. Is the Holy Bible, THE BOOK OF TRUTH?”
TA-“All books that speak my word are holy. They just take on different names according to culture. The Qur'an, The Bhagavad-Gita, The Bible, same thing, different interpretation from the editor. Freedom of choice”
JJ-“I see. There is a serious issue with religions all over the world. Is it true that Jesus is your only begotten son?”
TA-“Nope. Buddha was my son too, and so was Muhammad, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Hitler, Mussolini, You, everybody is my son and daughter”
JJ-“B-but Hitler? Mussolini? How come?”
TA-“Freedom of choice. Free will. I didn`t punish them. They punished themselves”
JJ-“Aha! What about the gay movement, the Nazis, the Hooligans, The KKK, The Mob?”
TA-“What about them? They are people just like anybody else in this world, and they are my children as well. Everything boils down to Free will again. However, most of the time they blame it on me. I don`t mess around with it myself. Otherwise it wouldn`t be Free will, would it, sonny?”
JJ-“So you don`t hate them or disapprove of them…”
TA-“Hatred? That`s a human term. This is a matter of universal laws that I established from the beginning. Everything must be balanced. What you call –hate- is unbalanced love”
JJ-“ I understand. Pretty clever, huh?”
TA-“Nope. Just pragmatic. Common sense. That`s all” He smiled again like a sunshine
JJ-“ Ah! Right! Sure! I have a very sensitive question, I am not sure if I should…”
TA-“Fire away, my son. What`s the question?”
JJ-“Ok. Here is a million dollar question. I know you are pressing for time”
TA-“No, no, sonny, I am not pressing for time, but put yourself in my place, I`ve got a universe to run, after all. Don`t you go thinking I am nova-bathing at some strange distant galaxy every day. Just Sundays. What was the question then?”
JJ-“Is Armageddon nigh? I mean, the big Kaboom on Earth is coming?”
TA”-What? Destroy some of the most precious children I have? Nah! Armageddon is overrated. If it comes it won`t be by my hand, I forbid myself”
T.A Looks at the camera. The TD asks for close ups from all the angles. Everybody is intently watching and waiting.
TA-“Only you, my children, and you alone can cause this beautiful planet to go Kaboom. Remember these keywords: Love, Respect, Humility, Faith, Selflessness,
Attitude and Gratitude. They are the ingredients of the True Philosopher`s Stone!
Love and million blessings, my sweet children”
A blinding light shone again in the studio, and after a few minutes everybody could see again. They were peaceful, joyful and in a sea of bliss. JJ couldn`t help it
And yelled: “Hey, T.A. You didn`t let me ask the most important question. How did all start?”
A voice off was heard
“You do not need to yell, JJ. I hear you perfectly. How did all start? Can you explain the infinity to a finite mind? I am in hurry, son. Keep true to yourself always! Blessings…”
Copyright ©Alberto J. Alvarez G. ® 2010