Foolish Sacrafice of the Heart.
By Silas John, 1st Nov 2011 | Follow this author
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Posted in WikinutWritingShort Stories
Another older short story. I was still looking for my "voice". My tastes matured slightly. Boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. Boy sets girl free. Boy sees girl again.
Hasty choices, messy results.
“She would never go for me. She’s dating a skinny runner. I’m a big oaf by comparison.” John thought while staring at the object of his obsession. She was laughing with her friends, a blurry memory of them in his peripheral vision, his gaze was for her alone. Kara, was her name. Her shoulder length, dirty blond, hair whisked slightly every time she greeted him. He approached her with a smile. She was beautiful, standing by her haggard school desk, a smile slowly crept across her face.
They talked as they had numerous times before. He did his best to make her smile at every turn. She would look up into his eyes. “they are gorgeous.” He thought, as the light blue of them seemingly reached out and took hold of his attention. Her irises flashed a light green. Her mouth was agape, and her brows raised slightly as they furrowed. He had seen this look many time before. “she’s considering something… or is she worried?” John took a moment to recall the events that transpired only a few hours before.
“They broke up.” Said a petite feminine voice to her fellow gossip goose.
“who did?” John interrupted with boundless curiosity.
“Kara and her boyfriend.” She timidly replied.
“Oh… I see.” John slyly said with false disinterest. He turned to skip away as his mind screamed in excitement, “Mwa Ha Ha Ha. She dumped him!”
Kara nervously approached John. Shock ran across his body as she muttered the words, "John, do you want to see a movie sometime?"
“damn, she beat me to it. Gutsy little vixen!” "Of course! I would love too. How about you come to my place, and we can have a movie marathon?" He said in acceptance. Her face lit up with excitement, a few jealous faces peered with practiced smiles at the pair. Not wanting to draw her moment away from her, John smiled back as politely as he could muster. “It’s my fault for flirting around so much.” he thought as he looked at the plastered smiles, of several ladies, around him.
Laid out, embraced, and cozy. Familiar positions, to him, accented by unfamiliar feelings. His heart didn’t beat fast. His yearnings of sexuality were fierce, but dimmed as a shadow by the welling up comfort. “I want her. I want to know what she really feels like. Her soft skin pressed against me. I need to feel myself inside her.” John schemed as he had a few times before. He knew the motions, and began to take the moment into his own hands.
As if from a daze, his mind returned from it’s gutter of a residence. “Nope, not her, John. Of all the women you have played with and will play with. Leave this one be.” He sorrowed to himself, “You’re young and you’re not going to give this a chance.”
He knew the truth. He would end up hurting her. It wouldn’t be long before she had a chance at college, and a guy with a future. “If I end it now while this is just a crush it could be for the best… for now.” He kept a hold of her. Stealing the moments for himself.
“I can’t do this. Usually by now I would have kissed you, and made my move. I like you too much for that.” The words tumbled out of his mouth. Attempting to grant some understanding, but no matter the words, It sounded like a cheap break up line. He forced himself to look at her. “See and remember this look John.” Her brows arched then furrowed in questioning surprise. Her mouth drawn down leaving a slight opening between her teeth. Her head slightly cocked to her right. She was confused and devastated. Her face contorted with pain. “Ouch” He thought as she whispered words of surprise and farewell.
He absorbed the transpiring events. She walked away, and he sat with a sinking feeling. “Yup, I’m going to remember that look alright.” He slouched. “You get one night to feel this, John. Then you come back and play your part.” Sleep never arrived that night, and dawn was slow to rise. A truly torturous night for a self-sacrificed soul.
He didn’t want to dance around so much anymore. Joking around just enough to keep everyone off the scent of his pain. He still noticed her, smiling just as brightly with her friends as any other day. She simply didn’t smile as brightly to him anymore. “Fair enough.” He thought while accepting the consequences of his actions, “I brought this on myself.”
Five years passed, John had thought of Kara twice. The most recent accompanied the urge to call her for days, but to no avail. “I’m married, and I don’t know how to find her.” The internet search didn’t prove useful in any way and came off a bit creepy, even by his standards. “Well, I will see her again. I will ask if anything significant happened.”
Another year had passed. John, worn and ragged, returned to a previous employer for the third time since high school. "Back to the gas station all nighter it is." He thought to himself with trepidation. John hated working this shift, and his social skills leave something to be desired.
“What is Meredith’s pager number?” John asked into a sleek black cell phone.
“Meredith doesn’t work here anymore, John. Kara is the other supervisor now.” A familiar, southern accented, voice corrected him over the phone. “No way.” he disregarded the name as a, not so, humorous coincidence, “It’s not her. It couldn’t be.” He thought as he inquired, “Anyway I could meet her? I’d like to know my contact to the powers that be.”
“Well… okay. If you want. I‘ll call you later and get you to work.” The familiar voice agreed.
"Thanks Allen, I appreciate it." He said as sincerely as he could through the rolling mist of curiosity in his mind. "It's not her. It can't be her.", He thought in an attempt to calm the growing restlessness.
A few days passed, John’s nervousness continuing to build and threatening to spill out into the world. He froze in his tracks as the call finally came to tell him where he would be working that night. As a precaution, John drove around the store once to see who Kara was. “Was that her? I think that was her!” He looked at himself as he pulled into a parking spot. “How do I look? Like shit… perfect.”, His thoughts raced in his mind as he quickly fixed himself up before painting his practiced poker face on.
He trotted up to the door, heart racing and palms sweating, he mustered the will to pull it open. Fear adding weight to his knees, and nervous anxiety threatening to take over, he looked at her for a moment, taking note of how incredible she looked. “Hi, Kara.” He said with a false sense of security.
"John?" She questioningly gazed into his eyes.
"You look as beautiful as ever, Kara." He said with a cool smirk while his heart melted and ached all over again. "The one that got away." His mind and heart in harmony by proximity to her. "So Kara, Catch me up. Tell me your story?"
A frown slithered across her face with a vacancy in her eyes. She refused to make eye contact and wouldn't speak, but the tears in her eyes spoke volumes.
"Oh god, What did I cause?" he mind faded from the topic. He felt dirty. His body heavy with regret. "I'm so sorry, Kara." He thought to himself as she walked past him. Words refusing to leave his lips. He reached after her, but only air was present to be caught. She was gone...
Comments
1st Nov 2011 (#)
I found you good in fiction writing - equipped with powerful imagination. Keep posting and don't forget to share them to social networks. There are almost 400 social networks across the net.
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1st Nov 2011 (#)
Sound advice. Thanks again Paul. It's highly appreciated.
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1st Nov 2011 (#)
You are talented, Silas. Very well done.
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1st Nov 2011 (#)
great read thank you Silas. You rock my friend.
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1st Nov 2011 (#)
Thank you very much. I wrote this as I began developing my "voice" I'll post another soon. Show off what I have to offer. Just need a ping of inspiration.
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2nd Nov 2011 (#)
Very interesting! :-)
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2nd Nov 2011 (#)
Thank you, Bridgitte. It's nice to know people are reading it.
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2nd Nov 2011 (#)
Very well written. Catchy narration.
A warm welcome to you to Wikinut.
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2nd Nov 2011 (#)
Well written story Silas, you know your stuff ,keep up the good work.
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2nd Nov 2011 (#)
Rathnashikamani - Thank you for giving it a read. It's highly appreciated.
Johnny- Thanks for giving it a read. My "voice" continues to grow, daily.
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3rd Nov 2011 (#)
Oops! YOU STILL ROCK !
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
Wow, you hit the wikinut ground running, my friend! Great write.
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9th Nov 2011 (#)
Thank you, Tranquilpen and Buzz. I put quite a bit of time into my work.
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