Here It Is
I think we never grow tired of letting people in. It's just awful to realize that some of them won't stay. It could either be that they have some huge issues, or that you're just really bad at keeping them. And I believe I fall on the latter part. Well. Enough with my issues and let's roll out the letters.
Here It Is.
So I guess it's here.
The feeling of having to fill each day of what-nots. To compare each people's clothes and how they smirk or laugh. Finding things to do other than sleeping when in reality, I do sleep a lot these days.
I grew up building my own. Walls and walls of arrogance, self-restraint and reluctance. The little monster in me has grown. And it's now eating me up. Smothering like a windy day. I know I was never right. We were never right. I'd lay all my dying hopes on the table and deal with it. You get the highest bet, I get..well..all the cards. My cards.
I feel like I've been collecting. Those little pieces that I've never noticed before. I want them all back. Only if you'll allow me. And if only I'll be brave enough. Let's face it. I wasn't that brave. I wasn't the lady warrior you'll find battling all the bad demons. I was the one who backed off. The one who lifted the white flag. People give up when they know they're safe enough. When they feel that silence is too much. Ironic, it is. We let go but we never say goodbye.
I think that singing a sad song is too realistic for a comfort. So I choose to laugh. The same reason I had on that very same day. Some things are just too real you won't believe they really are. And you get scared. You fight the chance to believe in what you see everyday and chooses to stick with the ones you use to consider are just right. It's like picking a can of soda from a fridge. You see the first row but you prefer the ones at the back. Believing they're colder. And turns out they're just about the same. Can of soda in the fridge. Real. Cold.
My left hand is definitely weaker than the right. But I prefer to hold everything with my left hand. Not that I'm a daredevil but I do like the fact that by doing this, you convince yourself that it's okay to let go. Because you have a sound reason to lessen your grip. Without any intention. You let go because you cannot hold on anymore. Well, yes, because my left hand is weaker than the right.
Not all people would get it, but I do. At least with blind faith. That people need to learn the easier way of accepting reality. That some people do come and they go, too. You can lie about what you ate the other day but not the taste of it. People come and they leave pieces. And we take it. We even hold on to it. Question is, when do we hold on? And when do we let go?
So I guess here it comes. Really. Im taking it all back. All the pieces I've left. The can of sodas I believed were not colder than the others. And this time, I'd take them with my right hand. I'd even consider holding them with my both hands. Because I know I'll be fine this way. Considering things that I once knew were not real. I've lost you, you lost me. And somewhere along the way..we've just lost it all.
So..here it is. So long. You'll have a part of my soul.