I lost control over my emotions......

By afrah, 15th Oct 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1zkfiy76/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

It describes how a single day changed my life,thoughts and feelings.it actually happened with me.I just wanted to share with you all!!!

Driving me to depression

desert

I have always felt very much in control of my emotions all my life.People always used to say you just lose control and do not even realize.I never understood it and felt it was stupid to think so,as i believed it all depends on your will power.
But that day,changed my theory altogether.It was a normal day;12th August,nothing special about it for most people.But for me it was the most important day of my life till now.I slept for four hours at night and woke up at dawn,anxiously waiting to know my result.I had given two of my Cambridge subjects for o level.
I was waiting to go to school.My teacher had informed me that the result would be announced at school at 10 am.My eyes riveted to the clock,as it slowly ticked its way from 6am to 9am.It was a torturous wait,leaving me nervous more than ever.As i sat in the car the fervent sun beamed on me ,It's ferocious rays ready to kill me any moment.My mind kept on repeating the same question,'what if....'
I entered my school,hoping my result would not be announced publicly.Relieved to see no assembly in the ground,I entered my principal's office.To my astonishment everyone was standing there in a crowd,waiting for their result to be announced.I was shivering ,my heart was thumping,I couldn't think straight.I had worked very hard and was expecting A*'s or A's
When my principal announced I got an A,I was glad.She took a moment to pause and look at my other grade and at that moment i thought i had got an A* on the other one.because if i had gotten another A,she would not have paused and said 2A's.To my disappointment,my first theory was wrong but the second one was right.
she said i got a B in my other subject.My heart sank and I turned back to look at my mother ,who did not show any sign of disappointment.But I do not know what happened next or how,I looked at her and tears started to roll down my cheeks.I did not have control over my emotions.My mom hugged me,but it did not make me feel better.My inside sadness came out when I did not what to show it.I did not want to cry in front of everyone.but would could I had lost control of myself.Never in my life had i felt so helpless.I cried all the way home in my car.My mom had to go to work so she left me home.I needed a friend's shoulder to cry on but i guess i wasn't fortunate enough to find such a good friend.Even at home i broke into tears,my heart had been ripped.when I came to know one of my friend who gave it with me got an A* in the subject I got a B,I was happy for her but sad that I didn't get one.however I was not jealous but I kept It inside my heart, that I was sad.I was severely depressed for weeks.Even now that I think about It I feel tattered to pieces.