The Missing Piece
By rama devi nina, 5th Nov 2011 | Follow this author
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Posted in WikinutWritingShort Stories
A flash fiction story of a young girl's spiritual rite of passage.
About Flash Fiction
The challenge of flash fiction is to tell a complete story in which every word is absolutely essential. A writer must take away the excess until the story is left with nothing but the clean-scraped core of a story.
Awakening and Assignment
Sunlight stains the mountain peaks pink, but I cannot relish a slow dawn - I've got to find the missing piece by sundown. I shrug from my sleeping bag into a sweater. My duffle gets stashed under a tree and I head upward across a scree-field, munching an apple. My feet crunch broken rock.
Mom introduced me to Windsong, the Wise woman, a decade ago. Visiting her, awe and comfort mix. Her beautiful face is ancient and youthful, wise and loving.
Today is the final test before my initiation rite. Being the only teen given this chance makes me proud of my family's pedigree. I’ll be revered as a wise woman, like mom and Windsong.
My assignment: find the missing link to complete the magic circle on the mountain’s summit. The rite will not happen unless I succeed.
Wish mom gave more clues. Search until you drop--what kind of advice is that? What do I look for? A sacred crystal, maybe? Guess I’ll know when I find it.
Three days roaming the wilderness, coming up empty, convinces me I am destined to fail. Must be unworthy, or I’d be ready in time.
I continue climbing, eyes peeled, ears perked, awaiting revelation. I listen so hard I can hear my heartbeat against the backdrop of wind over rock.
Nothing.
As boulders replace scree, my pace slows. Breathing labors due to altitude. I'm so dizzy. Not an iota of inspiration or insight; noon approaches. Wiping sweat from my brow I push upward, preparing to accept disgrace and defeat.
Heights and Falls
The peak looms. Scaling a steep slope with gasping breath, arms and legs feel like lead. On a ledge before the pinnacle, I sit. Only hours left. Sunlight glints off the rock. What's that? I stretch to grasp a shiny object lodged in a crevice. A crystal! It glitters golden light.
I fumble. Shoot! It slips from my hand and tumbles down to the valley along with my dashed hopes.
Torn between a desire to scream and an urge to let go, I surrender to the moment. Detached from my body, my spirit floats, weightless among clouds, then soars beyond them. The mountain looks tiny. I can’t feel my body but I’m still me. I smile within, liberated and vibrant.
The next thing I know, I’m back in physical reality, wretched with fatigue and stinking of sweat. Every muscle aches. Scratches and bruises clamor with stings of pain. The ecstasy dissolves as despair returns.
Sun continues its stubborn sky-trail.
Learning wisdom
Sundown. Mom and the Windsong stand, eyes locked on me as I reach the peak. I study the ground. Failure stings worse than cuts and bruises.
“What have you found, Jennifer?” Windsong touches my arm, her touch and tone both gentle and firm.
Kicking a rock, I look up. “Nothing.” I sigh. “I’m not fit for initiation. Sorry to disappoint.” I glance at Mom, perturbed by her incongruent smile.
“Have you discovered anything?”
“Nothing.” I pause, and frown. “I've seen how small I am.”
“Yes. Hmm...what else?”
“Well, um, I can fly out of my body but it hurts when I come back.”
“What have you gained from these discoveries?”
My eyes fix on the color and contour of every pebble as I consider her question. “Humility, I—I guess.”
Windsong places a forefinger under my chin, tilting my head upward.
“Now, you're ready.” She grins. “I knew you'd pass the test.” With a nod, she sweeps her arms outward. “Step into the circle.”
I found the missing peace.
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Comments
5th Nov 2011 (#)
You have an incisive mind, rd. Congrats on the star page..wooooooo!!!
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
*thanks*! "=))
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
Every word essential, every word brilliant. How you do it I'll never know. Perfect wisdom here. Thank you rama devi.
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
Thanks so much, Steve. Takes a few rounds of pruning and tightening from the original draft, that's for sure! I trimmed off a few more words in my next draft...may edit this one, too.
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
This is an intriguing short story. I find it interesting, all parts. May I inject one thought though? At the very end I wanted to hear a little more about the dropped crystal. Maybe something continued like this if you don't mind the idea. Quote, “Now, you're ready.” She grins. “I knew you'd pass the test.” With a nod, she sweeps her arms outward. “Step into the circle. (I saw the crystal you held and dropped but you soared.") Anyway, maybe something like that rama. I loved reading your story. You're a story teller that's for sure, and a good one at that. Have a nice day. Smiles, Bets
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
Thanks for your kmind comments and suggestion--as it is flash fiction genre--only bare bones required. The crystal serves its purpose by being dropped, and It need not impose itself on closing...but I do appreciate your feedback (always welcome, even if not applied!) :) Warm smiles, rd
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
love flash fiction. I write a lot of flash fiction. This one was right up my street. Lovely.
Won't be in touch much over November. The Novel Writing month is upon me!
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
Thanks Shelia...glad you enjoyed,. Good luck with your nanimow--or whatever you call 'em--brave of you to try that!
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5th Nov 2011 (#)
Wonderful!!!
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6th Nov 2011 (#)
:-)
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6th Nov 2011 (#)
I loved this...Search until you drop...I can sooo relate to that...lol. :-) Great story!
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6th Nov 2011 (#)
Thanks B! So glad you enjoyed and appreciate your stopping by. :)
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6th Nov 2011 (#)
Very wonderful my friend...
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7th Nov 2011 (#)
Artfully done, Rama. I learned quite a bit about Flash Fiction.
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7th Nov 2011 (#)
Thank you, Silas and Delicia ;)
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18th Nov 2011 (#)
I love your short stories, rd, and this one is so insightful.. Humility is the hardest state to achieve.. Just wonderful..
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19th Nov 2011 (#)
Thanks dear SB! glad you enjoyed. :-)
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28th Jan 2012 (#)
You took me along with you on this wonderful journey, Rama-ji. Profound - siva
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28th Jan 2012 (#)
Thank you Sivaji! Appreciate your stopping by! Namaste- rd
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11th May 2012 (#)
I loved every word of it. You are a great story teller.
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14th May 2012 (#)
Thanks so much, Uma...pleased you enjoyed!
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