This is as good as I get!
By Melissa D. Ing, 5th Feb 2012 | Follow this author
| RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/3m0eqlj0/
Posted in WikinutWritingPersonal Experiences
Ever wonder about your fellow Wikinut writers? We do more than write here we share, as one big writing family.
- Introduction
- Mellie a few years ago
- My then writing family
- The nutter himself
- 2009
- Mellie's long absences explained :-)
- And what happened to the nutter?
- This is as good as I get!
Introduction
We all have a dark side, we all have done things we regret, have wasted time, and wasted the time of others. Today, my dear friend Steve Kinsmen bared his soul to us, and I for one was touched by the honesty.
I read several Wikinut articles this morning, but there was a comment, I believe on Steve's article about us all being a family here on Wikinut. The comment made me shake. While I have a somewhat large extended family in the real world, the idea of having a writing family again made me shake. Here's why, and a little bit about Mellie :-)
Mellie a few years ago
A few years ago I signed up for a writing site. I was having fun, building my writing portfolio when I encountered a nutter. At the time I was in a dark place, had an idiot ex living with me in a home that needed a lot of work. While it's a long weird story why I didn't boot him out, it is not really relevant to this story.
Desperately lonely at the time I began an online friendship with a guy from this writing site. I won't use his name, won't even extend the courtesy of giving him a pen name for this story, I will simply call him the nutter, which is all he deserves.
To shorten the story I'm going to simply say he was a chameleon; he hid his depression, his dark desires, the fact that he was an addict, very very well. To understand the story I'm including two links.
Link One
Link Two
By the time this nutter was done with me, I was a shell of my former self. Deciding the only thing to do was adopt a stiff upper lip attitude, get away from writing for awhile and go back into the real world to work and study, I simply got on with it. From the Fall of 2007 until the Spring of 2009 I barely touched a computer.
My then writing family
I missed my writing family from that website. I kept in touch sporadically with a handful of them, a couple of great friends up until about two years ago. Others I included in group emails about my new ventures never responded and I discovered it was because said nutter was actively engaged in a plan of trying to totally destroy me.
If you read my second link you'll see that one writing family member had already betrayed me. Others had simply moved away from the writing site when the cafe began to go downhill, to pursue other interests and goals. The nutter had been kicked off, but through keeping in touch with this one woman, the gossip spread.
The nutter himself
I won't say I was blameless in this online relationship; I truly had cared for him, but it simply got out of hand. In all honesty had I been in a better place emotionally to begin with, not only would I not have looked at him twice, I would have bypassed him completely. Control freaks are not my thing.
Instead of giving me answers as to why he left, he engaged in a series of odd behaviour, that sent me reeling. Instead of brushing it off, I simply told everyone in my writing family, the gossip spread and spread and got distorted and distorted. I should have shut up.
2009
I was over him (just about). Had a new relationship (didn't last but still friends) had made a documentary film and was on to other success stories. He had wandered back into my life, but nothing had gotten resolved. The couple of brief online chats we had were about nothing significant. Starting to think we could be friends (what was I thinking???) I told him about my film and my travels.
And got blasted! And got broken down, and basically told I was good for nothing.
I sent a couple of biting emails about his character and called it a day. Now I could truly recover; I only shared with one very excellent girlfriend and felt finally I was free. Now that the film was done, I could go back to writing.
Not so.
If you have ever read my cyber stalking horror story, this was the nutters ex. Or claimed to be, I'm not sure anymore if he had a hand in it. One day I would be dead certain that no way, then I would think hmmmm, one thing is for sure, it doesn't matter anymore.
Mellie's long absences explained :-)
It took me until November 2009 to even join Facebook. It goes well, I have met many other writers and excellent new people. I have reconnected with some from the old writing site, and then one day noticed the ones who had known me then had removed themselves. Gossip still travels.
Two friendships from my former writing family I ruined all on my own. One girlfriend I would describe as a spiritual soul mate is probably gone for good. I accused her, in my own exhaustion, of being in touch with the nutter, when deep down I knew better. She had listened, and listened, and put her own affairs on hold for me, and got blasted. That I will regret for ever.
I have software on this computer to rival that of the FBI. It takes me almost seven minutes to log on to the Internet. No ordinary virus/anti-spy programs, I have multiple at the suggestion of various law enforcement agencies. I have been hacked, had email accounts and writing accounts hacked, business accounts hacked you got it. I will let that speak for itself.
In Spring 2011, photographs of my head, attached to someone else's naked body circled the Internet, a long with a couple of fake FB accounts. The FB accounts got closed, the pictures were so laughably fake that no-one tooke them seriously. It was dreadfully embarrassing at the time and in the end all I could do was say, 'Heck if that was really my body I'd put myself on the Internet naked'. That tends to shut a lot of people up.
I find it hard now to let people in; I work hard at not taking comments the wrong way, of not revealing to much information at once, not making the same mistake again. In 2010 I almost did it again with another guy online but he showed his true colors early on.
I still get shaky online. I still wait for sarcastic enquiries about past issues that will probably never come. After all, everyone else has their own life to live. There are days when I log on and simply shake, not able to write or participate at all. I am a slow email responder, but most people understand. And those days are getting less and less.
And what happened to the nutter?
He fell into a storm drain and got washed away.
I wish.
In the Fall of 2010 he sent me a message that he had a new girlfriend. I responded with 'Good for you!' took him 3 years! Then a girlfriend asked if I had seen her, and turned out her name was Melissa !and she could pass for my sister. In fact, in one slightly dark photo, a girlfriend thought it was me and blasted me for having gone to meet this guy some 3000 miles away.
She was temporarily referred to as the 'Clone'. While a bit thinner and possibly a bit shorter she looks sufficiently like me to give pause for concern. I saw her picture twice in 2010 and never looked or searched for either of them online again. What I did notice at the time was that said nutter left his whole FB account open to the whole world, while hers wouldn't even let you send a message. I think the control freak designed it that way.
If he thought I might fight over him he was wrong, instead I just felt sick. Law enforcement wanted me to warn her about his emotional shenanigans (yes they got involved) but this time I stood up. I got almost no help when he bothered me, and I am out thousands of dollars. I simply told them that she had seen him in real life while I hadn't, and if they were so concerned warn her themselves! The only help I did get finally in 2011 after he tried to hack my gmail account, was that he was not to have any contact with me at all.
Did it work? Heck no. In early January 2012 he sent me a social networking invite to Badoo, in Spanish. It got forwarded to law enforcement. I can remember thinking, 'Well at least I know where he's hanging' so I can avoid it'. He's never friended me on Facebook, control freaks don't participate where they can't control the outcome.
Whether the Clone is still around I don't know, don't care. If she's not I'm sure he's actively searching for a new victim.
This is as good as I get!
I'm not perfect, and lord knows there are days when I find it hard to believe I went down such dark roads. A bad relationship and a bad ending is one thing; being the subject of international gossip for several years is another.
I work every day on me, on writing (although some days its by hand :-)) I make amends where possible to the people I hurt. I've gone on to other pursuits, renovating properties, more film work and travelling, and doing a series of ebooks. I've had other positive relationships in person, and today there is someone I am starting to truly care for. Whether they will feel the same way remains to be seen.
I no longer care about revenge, its not relevant. I still hold my breath online some days. I see a name, from earlier writing days and always think....'Hmmm, wonder if they know about.....'. Then I stop and realize how ridiculous that is. I can't control what others know or don't, or what they say or think.
I'm glad to have my Wikinut writing family. If ever I have offended you with my comments then I apologize; Mellie is still a work in progress....which isn't a bad way to be.
Love to all, Mellie xxx
And my real full name is Melissa Dawn Ingham which is how you all can find me on Facebook in a pink dress!
Comments
5th Feb 2012 (#)
This was a long worthwhile read. Thanks for sharing... I personally appreciate it.
Reply to this comment
5th Feb 2012 (#)
Oh Mel, you have had a hell of a time with it and talk about unlucky! Like Steve's, this is an open and honest article and must have taken courage to type this for which I have great admiration. We never really know those we meet online, and it is so easy for some to put on a false face and pretend they are someone they are not, so much has to be taken on trust and when that is cruelly shattered, it takes a long time to heal and trust again. I hope that you feel safe with us your Wikinut followers and as you can see from Steve's article, we support those we care about. No one can wipe out the bad experiences you have gone through Mel, but please know how much joy and laughter your usual amusing and witty articles bring. You are such a gifted writer, and I for long, wish you great success in whatever the future holds for you my friend, as I know will your other Wikinut friends too. Keep strong my friend, you have a voice that needs to be heard.xxx
Reply to this comment
5th Feb 2012 (#)
Thank you gfmas23 and Songbird B, and yes, Mellie does feel safe here! (hugs)
Reply to this comment
5th Feb 2012 (#)
I do hate men like that. This was a very expressive story and I Do thank you for posting. By the way I do agree with the police about warning the young lady, yet now time has moved on and it may be best to let it sit.
Reply to this comment
5th Feb 2012 (#)
Peter, thank you for your kind words. I would have been all too happy to warn her, but the only way seemed to be thru FB, and I didn't want the drama in my account!
Reply to this comment
5th Feb 2012 (#)
Well, you have bared your soul to uis here Melissa, and yourcomments about wikinutters being one big family are inspiring. Thank you for a wonderful article.
Reply to this comment
5th Feb 2012 (#)
There nothing that I can add to what has already been said, Melissa except that the guy deserves a taste of Western style justice.
Reply to this comment
5th Feb 2012 (#)
THank you all :-)
Reply to this comment
5th Feb 2012 (#)
Know what that feels like and I believe you as I have been there too....
It is sad that such friends betray their friends for nonsense that are best known to them and the worst thing it is so stikingly similar to what I went through too. That is also one of the reasons why I gave up writing on Wikinut to go at it on my own... Where I know I can take control of my own life and be who I really am and what I want to be without anyone telling me what I am supposed to do....
With regard to the super imposed pictures, please take them to the police and with the websites where you have seen them and they will use their tracings to track the person who did it as they have ways and means of doing so...
Its their sick sordid mind and such men/women should be locked up and the keys thrown into the sea never to be found again....
Luckily the super imposed piccys have not taken place with me but if they do, I know who to catch as there is only ONE person who can be that vindictive with me, one of the many reasons why I left here too....
Take care and keep your head up to the sky you will see the light at the end of the tunnel...
JD, thank you for giving her the star, think it was needed.
Reply to this comment
6th Feb 2012 (#)
This really had to be a hard article for you to write, good for you though. Ditto on what Songbird had written. You are a star, in more ways then one. As always, thank you for sharing.:)
Reply to this comment
6th Feb 2012 (#)
hugs Denise and everyone!
Reply to this comment
6th Feb 2012 (#)
This took some doing Melissa, to write so openly about yourself, and to explain what you would have done differently had you realsied what was happening at the time. You have some good friends within Wikinut now who support you in what you do, and wish you all the best for the future....
Reply to this comment
7th Feb 2012 (#)
A STAR truly deserved, Melissa, for your bare-all sad episode in your life. I wish you the best in a new horizon writing with us at Wikinut.:)
Reply to this comment
9th Feb 2012 (#)
WooW!!~~ Your Mental strength is worth admiring.. The night hours may be long and very dark, but trust me, daylight comes in the morning.... Life is all about mixed experiences and at the end of the day, I hope you use these experiences to find happiness and fulfillment in Life.
Thanks for the share, I greatly admire you.
Reply to this comment
9th Feb 2012 (#)
oh oh oh Melissa! know what nutters are like...mentioned one in my recent Mum is Dead story!!!!! but TG you and I are strong and able to write it all out...thank you
Reply to this comment
9th Feb 2012 (#)
@cnwriter, got read that story of yours!
Reply to this comment
9th Feb 2012 (#)
I truley feel for you Melissa and although im fairly new to the wikinut family I am glad you returned as your writing is superb :)
Reply to this comment
10th Feb 2012 (#)
Mellie,
Thank you for writing this. I'm a member of an online writing group as well, and I've heard a couple of similar stories. It's frightening to find out the dark side of such beautiful places.
You write very well, and though the story is not one I'd wish upon you I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks,
Chris
Reply to this comment
10th Feb 2012 (#)
Thanks for this open and powerfully told article, you are remarkable in your strength, well said and done Melissa...
Reply to this comment
10th Feb 2012 (#)
Thank you all!
Reply to this comment
10th Feb 2012 (#)
Hello, Melissa: You write very well but the title to your page does not describle what I hear coming from you. You are outgoing and have talent and you will do even better as time goes on.
Reply to this comment
10th Feb 2012 (#)
Thank you for words of encouragement Ivyevelyn!
Reply to this comment