2010. Be gone. Roll on 2011.

maree By maree, 26th Dec 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1y1ra.yj/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

These are my thought about 2010, what a horrible year.
As you can see in the photo, I still try to keep a smile on my face.

Pike mine, earthquake, stoma, couldn't be worse. But still smiling.
2011. Wishes and tasks I want to achieve.
New Year dreams.what I really need the new year to be, anything has to be better than 2010.
An overview of a horrible 2010 and wishes for a better 2011

2010. Be gone please.

2010, has been the worst year of my life.
It is a year, I really wish not to remember.
I have had to go really deep within, pull all my strength together to just survive. A daily challenge.
Fighting the demons within my head, not allowing depression to set in.
Changing everything around me, restructuring my whole way of life.

The doctors said I would have a reversal, within six months, then my stoma would be gone.
That life was just in limbo for the time being.

I held on to their words, wishing for that day to come, as life was hard, dreams gone and adjusted, new one's I was trying to achieve.
Searching for ways to deal with pain, while trying to avoid medication.

Loved one's I have lost, Earth Quakes I have survived.
Too much horror has raised it's ugly head in 2010, as I listen to the talk back, on the radio.
A daily event.
The tears I have shed this year, runs me dry.
Hearts broken. live's destroyed, unable to help.
All I can do is give words of encouragement.
As loved one's around me confide their fears, I just reassure them, we all feel the panic of the unknown.

Listening to the radio, how the family's of the Pike mine tragedy, were going to be on the mountain, Xmas day.
That is the only way they could feel close with their loved one's, so sadly lost.
They are still unable to get them out. Breaks my heart.
I just cryed and cryed at their pain.
We all know some one, as our city is so small.
But our community is tight.
Yes now you can understand why 2010, I really don't want to remember.

Yes 2010 is a struggle, I cant wait for 2011.

As new challanges and goals I will set to achieve.
Hoping like hell, I will return to my old self, my stoma gone.

But as you see from my photo, I still smile and carry on.

Xmas cheer.

Xmas day, full of cheer. Totally brillant.
Decided to splash out and drink heaps of fizzy, to hell with it , I'll suffer later, I know the reality of what fizzy's do to me.
Today was going to be special, I wasn't going to dwell on my health. Just appreciate the hand I had been dealt.
I was going to just live for this moment, no thought of past or present.

Christmas to me isn't about money or wealth, it is about having everyone you love around you, laughing and sharing.
Generation's get together, Grandmother's, children and parents.
Presents are exchanged, squeals of delight ring out.
You eat and drink then sleep.

I was up really early, eager with antisipation of the day's events.
Children turned up, mother arrived. Photo's were taken.
Then off we went, to another loved one's house.

I ate and was so pleased no pain had set in, hopeful that today it would be stress free, that I could just participate with ease.

Every one was so relaxed, No alcohol touched my lips, it was so funny watching as everyone around me started to get a little loud, as the alcohol started taking effect. No fights broke out tho, to my surprise.

Lots of visitors were coming and going, I was all hugged out.

I took great pleasure, playing with the little ones, seeing their smiles and delight with their presents, wondering if they would survive the day out. Little boy's can be quite rough.
I just loved the fact that nothing else mattered to them at that moment in time, no thoughts of earth quakes entered their little heads. excitement had taken over.

I took a few moments to reflect on past events, silent thoughts went through my head. I looked around me at family, soaking in their warmth, watching daughters and mothers hug, such a mixture of ages, thinking how quickly everyone was growing up.
Appreciating that my mum 83 was here to share this day.
Gently smiling to myself, pleased she was happy and still in good. health.

Time went by so quick, we headed home at 1am, the latest I have been up, since I can't remember.
I looked at the present's I had left on the floor, decided they could stay their to the morning, then I would sort them as I was exhausted.
I was really sore and aching, just dropped into bed, but I felt so great, it had been the best day of the year.

Boxing day, started with a bang.

Yes boxing day started with a real bang.
I was quietly sitting outside, enjoying a smoke and coffee, when my ears were shattered with the sound of 1000 motor bikes passing by.
I looked up to see everything around me was violently shaking. Rubbish bins had a life of their own, wheels didn't help, as they looked like monsters from hell, heading towards me.
The ground was moving, the trees were swaying, the cat was frozen in the middle of the lawn.
My heart started racing, as panic started sweeping.
I was all alone sitting outside, while my partner was quitely sleeping .
Suddenly I was so aware of the isolation, feeling insecure, what started as a day of enjoyment, was suddenly shattered.
Time 8.30 in the morning.

Yes we were all to experience a reality check on boxing day, when over 37 aftershocks decided to make them selves felt, and let us feel their presence with a vengeance.

No they hadn't gone. just been lying idle, gently sleeping , lazily, taking a rest.
As yes, they had been busy, since the 4th of september, we have had over 3700 aftershocks.
Nothing to violent, it had just become normal.
A new way of life, I wasn't afraid, just carried on with normal events. Until today.

Mother nature wasn't going to let us just relax, with a gentle few aftershocks, she decided to make the earth move violently, and was toying with us as the earth shaked out of control, with a mind of its own, reminding us we weren't alone. She was the boss.

Just when I felt relaxed, and took in a few deep breathe's, deciding to get on with the daily events, she decided to send another earth shattering rumble, to send me flying for cover, yet once again.
All I could do was watch my ordiments take on a life of their own, moving forward, left to wonder if they would fall, frozen to the spot under the door, no way was I going to try and be a hero, I just left them to smash down to the ground.
Thats how the day went on.

Television is such a great way of seeing all that was happening.
Businesse's got to trade boxing day for only half an hour, then their doors were forced to close, as police cornered off roads, bricks had fallen, windows has smashed sending sprays of glass flying. Retailers looked guttered.

Shoppers were in shock, poor tourists had only been in Christchurch for an hour, well at least they would take home a holiday to remember. Once again no casualities. Amazing.

Just when the city, was humming with laughter and antisipatication, coffee tables, received extra additions.
Where coffee and biscuits were on display wetting the customers appetite, now their was added a surprise extra ingredient, to nobody's delight.
Shredded glass, dust, soon left customers scrambling for their lives.

Seeing all this on TV.
A lane I had recently walked down, cornered off now, allowing no access. Saddness overcame me.
Once again our Central City is out of bounds.

I use to be one of those retailers, now I thank god I'm at home.
Trading on the internet. I am so lucky.
So many businesse's won't survive.
Their out come is bleak and grim. Lifetime achievements about to be washed away.
All around me, I am a witness to shattered lifes, and dreams destroyed.

Loved one's remembered.

Time has gone by so fast.
This time last year. I remember how my father in law was by my side. We got on like a house on fire.
He replaced my dad, who had passed away, so many years ago.
He was a breathe of fresh air, hard working, full of kindness.
Just a pleasure to be around.

I loved watching the love he shared with his wife.
Love like that is so precious, over 40 years they had been together, yet their was still a rainbow that they shared.
You could see their love for one another was strong and bold.

His sudden passing, left us all in despair. Specially when I had just lost my sister in law.
Life was tough and unkind, not allowing time to get over one death, before swooping down and grabbing another.

The whole year was us accepting, yes he was gone.
My partner and I would visit every Saturday his wife, as she came to terms, with the changes around her.
My heart bleed's, as she adjusts in this huge big house, dealing with new illnesses that showed themselves, yes life wasn't going to be easy for her this year.

I can't imagine her pain within, how suddenly after having him by her side for over 40 years, evening's always shared. Time well spent, now to be on her own.

She went to his grave on Xmas day, she wasn't well herself, yet she had gone to so much trouble, to do the xmas lunch, her place just hummed with activity.

I don't really know if their's life after death, or even if god exists.
All I can do is dream, keeping their memories alive.
Hoping they are both well and free of pain, high above.
looking down, watching over us, seeing their loved ones are supported and challenging every new day with strength.

I am so happy that I got to spend another xmas with my mum, as she is 83.

Roll on 2011

So now you can understand a little of why I am so looking forward to 2011.

Anything has to be better than 2010.

My gorgeous man, he has given me such strength and support.
I am so lucky and appreciate every moment spent with my family.

You don't appreciate what you have, until it's nearly lost.

I am looking forward to friday, as I have organised a barbaque, my way of thanking friends and family for all their support.
I just hope the day's fine, without interruptions and rain.

They don't mind it happening at lunch time, everyone understands, I run out of steam, as the night quiety creeps in.

So Merry Xmas everyone, and I hope the new year brings you all your desired dreams.

Tags

2011, Better Times Goals, Earthquake, Hope, New Year, New Zealand, Pike Mine

Meet the author

author avatar maree
Due to major surgery in 2009, I was forced to shut shop after 20 years. Determined not to feel sorry for myself I decided to swing the situation around to my benefit.

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Comments

author avatar angelnjuly
29th Dec 2010 (#)

Welcome 2011!!! Nice one maree!!! Thanks for the share.

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author avatar LOVERME
29th Dec 2010 (#)

the ides of MARCH have come
not gone yet
so saideth
SHAKESPEARE
IN JULIUS CAESAR

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author avatar Denise O
31st Dec 2010 (#)

May all your sorrows leave you, as the clock strikes 12 and it is the year 2011.
Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar maree
31st Dec 2010 (#)

Yahoo, 2011 is here.
No aftershocks yet.
Brillant sleep.
Feel great.
Happy New Year.

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