A Diary Of A Man Breaking Out of His Shell

C.T. Aretz By C.T. Aretz, 27th Jun 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Diaries

This is a diary, a picture, and a poem. I felt like doing a little sharing and soul purging.

My Life, A reflection (journal)

Today was a good day: up until the age of thirty-seven I have had an extremely rough and shaky roller coaster of a life. Good things have happened but, many mistakes and things out of my control made my life difficult, and sometimes unbearable. Why is it improving? Well, I swallowed my pride and started to see a psychiatrist/counselor -- that, with the right medications and the inclusion of positive people, will help me improve my quality of life.

it's been a long road: alcohol, drugs, poor financial decisions, wasted education -- all of that has brought nothing but stress, discouragement, angst, anger, depression, and lots and lots of discomfort. Being diagnosed with A.D.H.D as a child, and not being medicated during those years (my dad declined Ritalin when the doctor suggested it because of the side-effects. It was in the early eighties when I was diagnosed and the drugs for it back then were not as good or as safe as they are today), I had a terrible time connecting with others on a social level, I was always too intense in the way I spoke, acted, and how random my conversations and actions were. My whole life I have been considered the "the different one", "the crazy one", and often times I was segregated.

Impulsion has always been a huge factor in my spending habits and all around decision making. I would always spend all my allowance as a kid, or paychecks as an adult quickly because of my uncontrollable urge to go out: eating at a restaurant, seeing movies, and when active in substance abuse -- alcohol and drugs, as well as whatever material thing caught my eyes at the time. This made me broke and living a paycheck to paycheck hell. Unfinished business was always a big part of my life as well due to the fact that I would start a project, a profession, or a vision that wasn't planned enough for those said three things to be successfully accomplished.

But, there's no point in getting specific with all the factors that has kept me back in life, because I've made the conscience choice to change. I'm getting the help I need, I'm making efforts to improve myself mentally. I wasn't born to be like everyone else and I should embrace that instead of living like I'm cursed. I have made the decision to love myself today and stay grounded in reachable goals/visions.

I'm thirty-eight now and I plan to live the rest of my life happy....

Where I Begin (A poem)

My stinkin' thinkin' won't get the best of me
I'm going to be a success
this I can see
it's no longer a mystery
I'm going to take flight like an astronaut
toxic people, places, and things tried to keep me down,
I fought
what a jerky life it's been, like a spasm
but I feel good like I'm having a lifegasm
waves of happiness fill my heart
now my conscience is telling me I'm smart
attempting to create positive networks
not saying that they won't have quirks
but I need to stay happy
even if I get a little sappy
I'd rather be that than depressed
if I had to tell myself a good way to avoid sad
"Go outside and enjoy the day!"
-- is what I would suggest
it's life that I choose to invest in
the best investment ever
I focus on the good in me instead of every sin
this is not the end -- it's where I begin...

Tags

Adhd, Alcohol, Business, Depressed, Diary, Drugs, Goals, Happy, Journal, Visions

Meet the author

author avatar C.T. Aretz
I lived In Chicago for ten years (moved back to Boston recently), where I started writing... 35 was when I found my new love. Writing is my existence--my everything-a tool for success & happiness.

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Comments

author avatar Md Rezaul Karim
1st Jul 2012 (#)

Nice poem and story. Thanks.

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