A Letter to Women on Valentine's Day

Blake C. Patria By Blake C. Patria, 15th Feb 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Letters

A letter that I wrote to the women of the world on Valentine's Day.

Dear Women,

I write to tell you that I see you picked apart everywhere I go. I can't read an article on the internet without seeing a link on the bottom to your do's and don't's. I always see some sort of uproar about which one of you is wearing what, and I won't lie: I feel something strange when I see the associated pictures, something primal. It's some sort of vague masculine hunger left over from my harrier ancestors.

I know that you ladies have a feminist movement, and probably feel the same way, but with all your efforts throughout this modern age, I see shallow media constantly telling you how to think, what to eat, when to date, who to date, how to please him, when to let him go. I see a lot of media telling you what he's thinking, and what he wants.

What do I want? I don't ask much, but you won't find it in those articles and magazines. I am, like many others, a damaged man though. I want a mother, but not to be mothered. I want to hear a woman's beautiful thoughts, but I want silence. I want to be understood, but I don't want to be predicted. I want a brother with a woman's parts; one who can hang with the boys, and beat half of them in arm-wrestling.

I want a woman who knows what it's like to lose everything. Who looks death in the face, and laughs. Who packs heat in the rough neighborhoods. Who knows what side of me to walk on on the sidewalk so the johns won't think she's my whore. Who can make sweet music with or without me.

I have all of that and more. The media tells me you are complicated like I am, and yet they tell you how to cater to a description of men that seem to have no soul. All I can see when I picture them is a doofus grin as you follow your magazine instruction.

I know that a lot of you have great men and women at your side to support your cause, and help you in your struggle because I see reality. My issue is that most things outside of flesh and blood are fiction . . . and I have a feeling you take issue with that too.

The blow is cushioned when The Lady and I watch Heavy Metal, and muse that sexism is campy when animated in the early eighties. She looks like most of the ladies in that flick . . . like she was drawn by a horny cartoonist. Her face is real though. Real eyes with real life. A voice of her own. A soul that could only fit in a lifetime of cartoons . . . and then be resurrected again decades after . . . like The Looney Tunes.

Am I saying that I see more reality in cartoons than I see on the covers of magazines? Well . . . I do have a tattoo of Betty Boop chasing Fritz the Cat with a rolling-pin . . . the artist did it real tasty . . . with a panty-shot. I wasn't offended because that rolling-pin was damn near my nipple, and hurt like hell.

Anyway, you should probably just gas all of your airbrushers with zyklon-B, and get Ralph Bakshi to paint over the photos instead if you're going to make alterations. Then you should hire a boarding-house dwelling sufferer of borderline personality disorder to write the articles because that is reality. Hire models that were born with male anatomy, and decided to take hormones. Hire hopeful faces on anti-depressants, twisted and mutated by anti-psychotics. Interview exploded women with murder chargers in federal penitentiaries. If you're really brave, interview one who was raped by a prison guard. She'll tell you she's doing a dime for second degree because some moron OD'ed on her shit, but at least she got a settlement for the skinner guard. That's reality. Paint it over like Betty Boop's wacky cartoon world, and that's more reality than you get from the zines and the screens. Ladies, that's why we're pissed.

I have to go now.

Sincerely, a concerned male,

Blake C. Patria.

P.S. . . . Happy Valentine's Day.


Cartoons, Letter, Sexism, Valentines Day, Women

Meet the author

author avatar Blake C. Patria
My name is Blake C. Patria. I am a musician, a writer, a philanthropist, a philosopher, etc. I enjoy science and its fictions. I also enjoy philosophy and Punk Rock. My work will tell more :)

Share this page

moderator johnnydod moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know


Add a comment
Can't login?