A Transition

Claire.K By Claire.K, 31st May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

A 17 year old 's realization that although in her opinion her dad is wrong ,at the end of the day he is her well-wisher.


I was really angry when i found out.As i heard those words come out of my brother's mouth,I ran to my room.I couldn't believe it i thought it was a dream.I closed my eyes and opened them again to come in terms with the true horror of the situation.
I felt hurt or maybe i felt i wasn't old enough.I mean i am only 17 years old.At that moment i couldn't decide whether i was angry at my brother for telling me or at my father for saying all that.
Pellets of water fell on my shirt constantly.My eyes had swollen and i was more confused and afraid than ever.I felt like the world was closing on me and i couldn't breathe the free air anymore.


My father had said to my brother that he was doing favours for my cousin as my uncle and father wanted to get the two of us married.You would think he just said it randomly and hasn't forced me to marry.It might just be a wish and i could say no if i wanted to.
But my father is not that simple.As he is getting old he is losing his temper and is very stubborn about getting things done his way.
I know he would wait for me to be of suitable age and then talk about the proposal to me.And so child marriage is not the issue either.
You are thinking i am paranoid !


So here is my side of the story.Although i am just 17 i have hope,dreams and expectations.No i am not a career ambitious women who has no plan of getting married.Neither am i one of those foolish teenagers dreaming of a prince who will take me to his palace on a horse
But i surely do have some requirements for my future husband .I myself am very close to my religion so i want the guy to share those beliefs of mine and practices so that we have common ground on how to live our lives and raise our children.i want him to share my principles and morals.for instance i would not want him to have dated in life ever as i haven't either.His main aim life should not be money but to raise his children not only to be good humans but also good Muslims.


Now this cousin of my works abroad.he is about 7 years older than me.Some of u might be thinking thats a lot of age difference but then my parents also had a 5 year age difference.such differences are considered normal in our society.i jmet him for the first time in my life a week ago. We didnt even say a proper hello let alone have a conversation.All i know about him is that he does not drink wine nor does he eat haram (prohibited for Muslims) food.I am clueless to his overall beliefs.
From the interaction i have had with my uncle and his wife.I know they practice regular prayer but then they are those money making kind of people.they are very status conscious and show off to an extent which becomes unbearable for me at time..But then they say you shouldn't judge a person by their relatives and i belive that.I mean me and my brothers are the same progeny of my parents yet we differ so much.
now i dont't belive in love marriages but not in the blind arranged marriage either.I think it is important that you share the same principles and morals as your partner.


And now my Dad's side of the story.For him a guy who is 'rich' and is considered decent according to the norms of our society would be the best suitor for me and who better than his own nephew.
Another reason which doesnt leave room for second thoughts is that when my mother was diagnosed with hepatitus C and we were almost bankrupt none of my uncles bothered to make a call let alone pay a visit.I was only 7 yrs old back then.
I have lived without my father for almost 10 years now due to his job abroad.None of my uncles have ever felt avuncular to me let alone fatherly.
So after all this how does my father expect me to ever think about it?
(my father is the sort who not only forgets but also forgives and pretends like nothing ever happened) and thats not me.


Two days back I was really angry at my dad i avoided him.(he doesnt know my brother told me) And whenever he would talk to me i just looked at him with contempt but i don't think he noticed it. I felt disappointed he had such plans for me.
But now I am looking things from a different perspective.My apprehensions are starting to clear.I see the man who wants his daughter's dream of studying abroad fulfill.He is getting old and just wants to see my future secured and my dreams transformed into reality.At the end of the day he is a father who loves his daughter and he wants her to have everything he wasnt abt to give in his opinion..He is my well-wisher i know that except i don't agree with his definition of content and happiness.

Alone again

.He leaves the house in an hour to catch his plane back to Kuwait and i sit here, my heart aching and inevitably crying my eyes out.as i write.I love him, he is my father and he has tried his level best to do what he thought was right and i am very much thankful for that..
And now as the moment awaits I don't want him to go.His smile brightens up the gloomiest days.His presence keeps the family together.When he not around i avoid coming home to the depressed face of my mother missing him.
It has been 10 years.i am tired, my mother is tired and my dad is tired.We just want to live as a whole family.But reality always awaits my door, ready to knock and wake me up since the past 10 years and it shall keep d so for who knows how many years to come.


Beliefs, Father, Heartbroken, Husband, Love

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author avatar Claire.K
inspiration is the only reason i write

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
30th Jun 2013 (#)

Sorry to hear of your life and your mothers Hep C - Its is contagious and ask her to check mate too: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hepatitis_C

None the less in Indian societies proposals begin from the age of 14-15 and till the time you get married if the girl is good.
Now many parents live abroad but at times the quality of like if what you need to look at before trying to judge the not being together.
Take Care....

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
30th Jun 2013 (#)

Conservative societal norms are tough to overcome. Only you are in a position to take a stand on these issues and face the consequences. For me I keep an open mind and never judge others by appearances. My religion is one of humanity and compassion to all living creatures - siva

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author avatar Claire.K
6th Jul 2013 (#)

@aiyanna thank u for ur concern.I am aware both my parents are doctors and thank god my mom's pcr for hep C is negative now so she is fine and no one else in the family has it.though she still carries out 6 monthly screenings.

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author avatar Claire.K
6th Jul 2013 (#)

I know my story sounds like it but my parents arent that conservative my mom was 25 herself when got married.Its just that here people are very much inclined towards cousin marriages to strenthgen their family bond.

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