A note to a rapist... "STILL" Raped by a Friend...

shallimarRose By shallimarRose, 20th Apr 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Poetry

This Poem was written to one of my rapist although he will likely never see it.. I began writing about my ordeal early in 2010 after forty years of silence. The flashbacks had re-emerged after so many years and i thought it was time I dealt with them.
Thank you for reading. sR


I see you every now and then
in frosted breath
on a cold winters day
or in a snow globe
sitting quietly alone
in a store window display
I've seen you
on the windshield streaked by rain
I'v heard your laughter in the thunder
I saw you on the subway train
It's been years since that night
a lifetime since I've seen your face
but late at night when dark has fallen
I see you peering through the curtain lace
It terrifies,
I hate recalling
It was me,
the broken one
and yet I felt disgrace
I have no real recollection of time
stolen by the drug you gave
just memories of your face
how I felt so betrayed
make up streaks blacken mine
in tearstains I still can taste
when suddenly flashbacks descend
I fear this dark dark place
I've seen you on the silver screen
in theaters I've attended
you reappear every now and then
memories of that night
in time suspended
I've felt you in the dead of night
when screams could not awaken
saw you in the fires flame
I feel you there and my body is shaken
shattered hopes
and broken dreams
memories imbedded in my mind it seems
and through the threshold of blank expressions
and intermediate depressions
my heart still bleeds in lost concessions
of mistreated friends
and raped realities
left alone to rot in abnormalities
where cushions could not soften the blows
friendships disintegrated
and the ash blew away years ago
and still
I see your face.....

......Raped by a friend....

by bj smith
aka shallimarRose

for more on this topic see also:

"A Note to a Rapist, STILL Raped by a friend"
"A Note to a rapist,2 "In the Form of a Pill"
"A true story of Betrayal"
"We can Forgive but How Do We Forget?"
"Only Now Do I see I Was Blameless. Rape is NOT Your Fault"
"Reflections of a Broken Soul"


Rape Story, Rape Victim

Meet the author

author avatar shallimarRose
Born Barbara Ann poet/lyricist.
poetry with compassion, rhyme free verse & some romance/mild erotuca..
married w children

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
20th Apr 2012 (#)

this is very beautiful..thank you shallimar

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author avatar shallimarRose
21st Apr 2012 (#)

No thank you for reading CN and for everything.

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author avatar Noreen Ann Snyder
20th Apr 2012 (#)

Wow, Shallimar, this is very touching, tear jerker poem! A phenomenal write! Welcome, Shallimar to Wikinut!
Have a great night,Shallimar!
Your friend, Noreen

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author avatar shallimarRose
22nd Apr 2012 (#)

Thanks Noreen... huggs!! sR

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
21st Apr 2012 (#)

With so much pain its hard to cry,
Sometime you just want to die.
Wondering why they violated your soul,
Breaking you completely from being whole.

Feeling the pain that stabs the heart,
Its like drawing a stone laden cart.
Its cuts you deeply and bleeds a wound,
Its reels your head until you swooned.

Tear stained face with tracks of life,
Its unspoken pain of a past strife.
Learn to forgive and share inner love,
The mill of life will start to grind Above.

It will start to look through each and every part,
Judge you deeply from the recesses of heart.
Creating a vibe that would help you heal,
Putting balm on the trauma and lovingly conceal.

Slowly realigning everything to this life,
Giving you courage again to be a wife.
For its the sense of control that they tried to gain,
Selfishly avoiding the tears that rain.

For each tear drop do in vengeance cry,
At the Creators feet just asking why.
For that is the time you need to love,
Look at the Creator who is crying along Above.

They respect and love you for who you are,
And from that criminal just remain far.
For he will keep coming to take chance again,
All for his pleasure and carnal gain.

Break forth the shackles stand up and fight,
It will give you courage soar to greater height.
For that is when the real world shall see,
The valour of that person who so broke free.

By Anisha Achankunju (Lady Aiyanna) (C) 21st April 2012

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author avatar shallimarRose
21st Apr 2012 (#)

Thank you ladyA for your poetic words of wisdom. sR

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author avatar hussainanchal
21st Apr 2012 (#)

Writing from own experience is really touching to the heart, and the poet has described it beutifully with all her soul in it.

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author avatar shallimarRose
21st Apr 2012 (#)

thank you Hussain for visiting and commenting. sR

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author avatar Denise O
22nd Apr 2012 (#)

You have captured what one too many of us that have been raped. I don't see his face (I have blocked it out) but, I do see enough, at times to bring it back, if only for a moment. I am glad you are dealing with it and that is all we can ever do. We can heal but, we never forget what came our way. Just a well written, sad and yet encouraging (as you are letting it out) piece of art. Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar shallimarRose
22nd Apr 2012 (#)

Denice thank you so much... I know in my heart I should have dealt years ago. Only after my kids all left home did i have time for myself maybe is what it was...
huggs, shallimar

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author avatar Quantum Worth
20th Jul 2012 (#)

Shallimar, I love your poem. Thank you so much for sharing. You wrote me a comment to one of my articles. Thank you. Your sharing helps others...Love and Light, Christopher

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