A spot of tea? No you may not have an entire leopard!

Marzeus von Hemelen By Marzeus von Hemelen, 14th Oct 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>True Stories

Seriously, sometimes servants are like children. Literally. They don't think, they don't plan ahead, they don't realize that things cost money, and they don't mind being wasteful. Oh, Master will always provide, right? Why should they worry about anything? Their employer is a bottomless pit. Or so they think.

15 bags of tea should do it for the week!

It's Monday. I get the servant's breakfast food ready for the week. They get lots of food at the beginning of every month, to make their lunches with, and every Friday they get two packs of meat from the fridge.

But, as stated, on Mondays they get a whole collection of food for breakfasts during the week. As part of the package, they also get 15 bags of tea.

There, Mister Specter carries it off to the modified caravan, which's kitchen has been extended so he can cook for him and Duggles in there and keep their food in there.

Wasteful assholes

Now it's Thursday, and the time just before the servants are going to eat their breakfast. Here comes Mister Specter. He wants more tea.

WHAT IN BLAZES?????? Between Duggles and him, they drank 15 bags of tea in 3 days???? What the bloody hell!!

Now I know Mrs. Krassy also came in on Tuesday, but that's one person for one of those three days. Are you seriously telling me they wasted all their tea for the week in only three days???

Here's the problem: They confuse me with Mother.

Most weeks Mother gives them their food for the week. And they know Mother doesn't have any backbone; they know they'll just come with some lame excuse like "Oh, Mrs. Krassy was there too, so we need some more sugar/tea/bread/whatnot", or they'll say "Osborn dropped in too so we need a little more of that", and Mother, with a soft, kind heart, can be so eaily talked into giving her soul if asked.

And to top it off, they would always come do it while Mother and I are busy in our studio, making our movies. It's of course the most annoying thing to have our concentration broken with such nonsense of the servants bothering us for more unnecessary things, while they know their food is included in their contracts as compensation for their services, and they know how much they get and how they must divide it so it lasts the required time.

It's really not rocket science, for there is actually more than enough food for them for every day. Howcome they need more? We've started getting suspicious that they are secretly selling it for their own pocket, and then come tell us that their food ran out.

Mother would always give them whatever they ask, because the kind motherly figure she is, she's always worried that even if it's their own fault that they don't have enough food left, they might go hungry. Then afterwards Mother would complain to her own housefolk how annoying and irritating it is when servants start taking liberties like this, and how she actually feels quite taken advantage of when they ask for food because mysteriously they don't have enough, even though it was measured beforehand as more than enough.

Standing up to abusers

Well today I can't get myself to smile back at Mr. Specter, asking me with a slick smile for more tea because somehow their 15 bags of tea only made two people a cup of tea at three breakfast sessions. I mean honestly! What does he take me for??

He tries to smile and laugh to win me over, but I am not amused. In the cold winter air, my face is simply frozen in a gaze that Specter soon visibly realizes is not approving their insane waste of tea. It becomes apparent that he's starting to wish perhaps he should never have asked.

He tries to talk gibberish about Osborn stopping by and drinking a cup of tea, how Gus the cowboy had a cup one day, and how on Tuesday, Mrs. Krassy was here. SO YOU DRANK 15 BAGS OF TEA AT BREAKFAST??!!! Specter can see his excuses are lame.

Seriously, sometimes servants are like children. Literally. They don't think, they don't plan ahead, they don't realize that things cost money, and they don't mind being wasteful. Oh, Master will always provide, right? Why should they worry about anything? Their employer is a bottomless pit. Or so they think.

If it acts like a child, talks like a child and thinks like a child, treat it like a child

I almost exploded with anger over this stupid silly thing of their wasting (or stealing and selling for their own pocket) tea, but then realised that I've been watching that show Nanny 911, and have picked up a few tips on how to communicate with children. Since these servants are acting like children, I'll treat them as children. It seems you have to be calm, and communicate your point very clearly.

So, I tell Specter that today, we are going to learn how to make tea. Specter must please bring me his tin tea mug, so we can learn how to do this.

Science 101: Fluids don't stay in broken containers as gravity pulls them out through the open cracks

Specter also brings me their old jug that he makes their tea in, but he shows me it leaks because it's cracked. SO YOU MAKE A JUG OF LEAKING TEA EVERY DAY??? What the bloody hell is wrong with these people!!! Honestly!! Am I the only one who would think that maybe he should use a container out of which his tea won't leak?

Anyway, I get them a new container for their tea. Then, while Mr. Specter is watching, I measure using his big tin mug, six such mugs of water, pouring it into the container.

"There", I say, "see? Six cups would be just about here!" I show him with my finger the mark on the container. This container is ideal, for it almost takes exactly 6 cups. Probably takes 7 or 8 if it's filled to the rim.

Enough for everybody would be enough. Do not use more.

"So now, even if you are SIX people drinking tea (they should be just two; not sure when these others started thinking the food we give our home servants is a free buffet for all who pass by), you can easily do so by filling this container up to here with boiled water and then adding three bags of tea to it. That way, if you use three bags every day you can make tea every day even for six people for the entire week using those 15 bags of tea."

When we started this exercise, Mr. Specter looked a bit silent; I'm guessing he felt a bit patronized, maybe guilty, and yet, it seems he feels better now, like he has a new sense of security knowing how this should work now.

Well, I'm glad that's settled. Even though I still had to give them six bags of tea for the remaining two weekdays. They should actually just have gone and bought their own tea for their wastefulness. But I think they got the point now and we won't have more tea related problems.

A little later I walk past their eating area on my way to Studio B. Yep, there they sit around the table, with the big jug of tea in front of Specter, filled exactly to the level I showed him, a delicious-looking yellowish-cream colored tea swirling around in it. He's pouring some into his mug and drinks from it.

"How is it? Is it lekker?", I ask him.

His big white smile appears across his face.

"Very lekker!", he replies as he sits back in his chair all satisfied with a hot cup of tea.

I was concerned for a moment that three bags of tea may not be strong enough to make six cups, but then again Father and Mother always make themselves two cups of tea using only one bag of tea, so that's no problem.

And if the servants enjoy it, that's all that matters.

And hopefully they won't ever come ask Mother for more tea either, now that they know how to use it to last a week.

I guess the problem is solved! Hooray!

In the end, evil wins.

Update: No, unfortunately Mother gives in and increases their tea ration to much more than they need. And increases it even more on another occasion. Now they can really waste as much as they like.

So, whatever I taught them came to naught and all my efforts were worthless. Good has no more place in this evil world.

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Counting, Drink, Flask, Idiots, Jug, Leaking, Measuring, Servants, Stupid, Tea

Meet the author

author avatar Marzeus von Hemelen
I like eggs for breakfast. I live on top of a hill inside a beautiful but old dwelling complex. I like to take life in through my senses and then give feedback through my writing.

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
20th Oct 2015 (#)

Interesting post!

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24th Jan 2020 (#)

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