A thief of the heart

Sandralee By Sandralee, 28th Aug 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>True Stories

A shattered dream in life.
A tattered family torn apart.
Who is in control of the heart?

This is my choice

I left the abusive relationship, thinking of my safety, my sanity,my life,Our children were his pride and joy. He relished showing them off.
They were beauitiful children. 3 boys and a girl.

It was the last time I would allow him to hit me. The last time being pregnant....
I left him taking the 3 boys.
Running away to the other side of the island. Thinking myself safe.
It was for a month no stress no abuse the children growing as was my belly.
She would be coming to greet us in a few months my little girl.
That day he came with the police. Him standing there outside the gated fence.
Smirking his sick grin. He wins again.
The policeman handed me a set of papers... custody papers.
He had them signed and sealed from the court. Sole physical custody.
Leaving me standing there... me as an abused woman no means for support was deemed unfit to raise my boys.
I had no defense no means to take care of my children with out the help the assistance program could afford to give me amounted to one of his paychecks. He proved he could and would take them from me.
I am pregnant with his 4 th child. A girl.

His choice was to control me

When my baby girl was born it was the joy of my life after having 5 boys.
I had my little girl.
Precious and innocent never to know what I endured while I was carrying her within my womb. The silent nights of sadness and pain that the brothers were not there. Alone in a shelter with other women that were suffering their own trauma.
Sadness crept in.

Then he wanted her.

He wins again

They are my children too.... The laws of the land and the culture protect their own. I was an outsider in their family. One that was a foreigner who did not belong. I did not carry the Hawaiian bloodline. I was suppose to be humble , quiet, silent...
He was allowed to abuse me till I left. Then he had a different way to control me.
If I wanted to see the children I had to be with him.
He found my house and came there he beat me dragged me and said I had a choice to make. He was taking my daughter.
So I went back for nearly 2 years.

The other women

There were other women ....
He was blatant about them.
He would come home from work to tell me about one he had been with ... like I was to accept this and not complain.
I was suppose to bow down and worship him and cater to him like a king.
I could not
The days became repetitive with the bruises that never seemed to heal. Not just on the outside but inside as well. Knowing that by leaving I would never be able to see my children, the abuse was getting to the point of me attempting suicide.

Leaving them

I left them. It was not only my choice but his , he had found someone to replace me. I was replaced as their mother and they would grow to think me dead. It would take 8 years later that he allowed me to talk to them. He had kept in contact with me thru the years but he never gave me the correct number to talk to the children. He liked that control.
He would call me on mothers day to taunt me how he could control me ... However he could not. I would not budge. I became a drug addict. There I could escape.
No problems I wanted my drugs. The depression set in all it took was the memory of my children a phone call from him and I would do what ever I could to get high or drunk. Then the binging. I could decide to get high and drunk, forget the past and live in a world that had no start or finish. I no longer could function with any dignity or respect for myself.
This landed me in Prison for almost 1 year.

Drugs a quest for inner truth

I used drugs to self medicate, to cover my feelings to cover my fears. to cope. I went through with destroying my life and those around me looking at the past mistakes I made and the effects that I suffered at my own hands as well as those that beat me. I became my own batterer.
Self infliction by use of an artificial means to fix me. Thinking back I should have been stronger , that I should have been I can not change The past I have not relayed to my children that the reasons for me not being there rest in their fathers actions as well. It serves no purpose to place blame when they would never accept the truth from me alone. I was not there for them growing up.
They have suffered at his hands, from his abuse. There is a paper trail that is in my wake of trying to defend the children when word reached me of their being abused. To no avail.
There comes a time in life when the cycle resumes its movements and those movements draw a conclusion and a pattern for life.

Self judgment and the conclusion

I can not go back and change my mistakes I can not fix the problems that took our relationship to the point for not being there for them I wish they had been raised in a loving family and growing up in stable loving relationships. In time I hope to have them all together in one room so we can talk so we can heal and work things out to the point of having the ability to communicate as a loving family. My love for them is strong and my determination and faith in God will keep that hope and dream alive in me.

True admissions of the other woman

What I am injecting here is the actual letter from their fathers girl friend .

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Dear Barbara Rhinehart:

I am writing this affidavit in a clear mind and without anyone forcing me or coercing me to make this statement. On or about the period of April 2009-June 2009 I, Terri-Lee K. Pascua was asked to bring the two minor children of Warren D. M. Pai to the CPS Office in Kona. This request was made by Ms. Barbara Rhinehart, CPS Investigator after a TRO was taken on behalf of the two minor children from Sandra Oliva-non-custodial biological mother.

Prior to going in to meet Barbara myself and the 2 minor children, Kahakui Pai, and Walena Pai were instructed on what to say by their father, Warren D.M. Pai. Kahakui Pai was already interviewed by Barbara at school and had given the investigator mixed feelings on staying with his father. This was conveyed to me from Mr. Pai, who was my live-in boyfriend at the time. Mr. Pai insisted I take Kahakui with me even though Ms. Rhinehart only needed to see and speak to Walena Pai. Mr. Pai also instructed my to speak to Ms. Rhinehart and tell her there was no abuse in our house. I was always afraid of Mr. Pai, I had witnessed his abuse for many years and was always deathly afraid of he taking the kids away and continuing his abuse on the children.

We, myself, Kahakui Pai, Walena Pai went in with a rehearsed statement of what we were going to say. I made sure I portrayed a home that was loving and free of abuse, this was by no means the environment were all were living under. Our lives was always under siege and threat of more abuse and instability. The children always begged me not to leave them with their dad, the would say we are afraid of what will happen if I was gone.

The entire Pai family that lived above us witnessed the abuse for many years, even prior to me being in the relationship with Warren. Mabel Pai said to me many Warren is too “heavy handed” and mean to kids. She tried to talk to him but he would acknowledge what she said and ignore her as well.
I as well was instructed to make it seem as if the home was loving as well. Sandra made many attempts to contact her children and it was Warren who had instructed me not to allow it. He did not want the children to inform Sandra that there were issues happening in the home.
Sandra has a Myspace website that she would try to have contact with the children and it was at the urging of Warren to go onto the childrens site and
Leave messages to her. I admit to leaving the messages to Sandra as I felt that I was their mother now and she had no place in their life. I admit to using her page to inflict the impact that would have the desired results that she would just go away and leave us to be a family. However she did not give up.
Her messages would be encouraging the children to seek help at the school or an adult if there were problems in the home. Mr. Pai would not allow the children to read these messages.
I would delete them and insert what Warren would say for me to put.
Hateful things that I would knew would hurt her. I just wanted to take her place as their mother since I was currently Warrens live in girlfriend.
Lying to the CPS and the court was my only way to remain with the children and insure that Warren would know that I would do anything to hold our family together despite the fact that he was abusive to the children.

I realize that given the fact that I lied is not the right thing to do and that keeping the children away from their biological mother was wrong and now come to the point that I do not wish for Warren to be able to be a part of their life . We are no longer a couple and I feel it is Sandra who is the appropriate parent for the children. I can not go back and change the time that I took from her but I need to fix the wrong that I did.

Sandra is a good woman and has not been allowed to have time with her children due to myself and Warren keeping them away from her. I am to blame as well as Warren for what I have done to her and she deserves a chance to have them in her life free from abuse.
It was me who contacted Sandra knowing she had a restraining order on me at the time on July 4, 2010.
Sandra left everything behind to come to the aid of her children not realizing the impact I had in the hiding of her son (Walena).
I feared that Warren had turned all the children against me and that I would never be a part of their life again so I hid Walena and contacted Sandra to help make things right between her and her children and to make sure Warren is held punished for his actions so that I could still be in their life.

Terri-Lee K. Pascua

cc:Judge A. Auna
cc:J Powell ( Atty General)
This is what life has dealt me and this is the chance that I can give all I can to try to repair the lack and loss of me being there to protect them..
I will never give up hope. This letter she submitted yet she has tried repeatedly to be my stalker and cyber bully for the last 3 years. My plight is not over until I can repair the damage that I have placed in the heart of my missing son. He is alive and moving on ...
But I will wait till the day comes that I can see him and tell him I love you.

Trauma in DEED

I hate you

This .... my enemy the one that literally tried in desperation destroyed my chance at having my children .
The lies and twisting of her tales to be sure they would pity her and find that the money she stole could fill their wants and desires to have what she could bribe them with. Children learn what they live and when the truth came out they have to live with the pain of knowing the truth.
The woman that tried to claim my children as her own. What a pity to look at her now and see the pain she has left behind. Those innocent children that placed their trust in her , to teach them right from wrong to encourage them to be upstanding and right!!!!!! Seems she has failed in that.
It does not matter if those that read this understand what has brought me to write this but it is for myself to heal. to give someone else a chance to know there is hope.
This last section here has been updated and my son is home safe it is sad that he will be saddened by what she now faces but it was a choice she made and an action she undertook of her free will. With out regards to others she has hurt. I start my life and try to rebuild it from the ground up. Our story is not over.........

moderator johnnydod moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know


author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
28th Aug 2012 (#)

We lose control over our lives, sometimes, for no fault of ours. But we have to soldier on armed with love. I know it is easy to say, but do we have a better choice? siva

Reply to this comment

author avatar Sandralee
28th Aug 2012 (#)

Yes and armed with the determination to be a mother for my children and learning the past heals its self over time but the wounds are still visible and the memories of the pain leave a reflection

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Can't login?