Abuse the price of life

Sandralee By Sandralee, 27th Jul 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>True Stories

Relating to the abuse started around 1997 when it was a choice between my life and the safety of my children.
Leaving may not have been the right choice ...
A choice made, loss of being able to see my children.
In 1998 I had been trying to see my children. The father had a girl friend in the home. I had spent weeks then months trying to see my children.
The day came. The father in the back yard working on his car afforded me an opportunity to sneak a few minutes with my kids.

Close the drapes my son

My son closed the drapes as he did not want the father to see me come in the door.
I went directly to my baby girl who was 2 at the time. Held her in my arms as my 3 sons ran to hug me. We spent around 5 minutes crying and hugging....
The moment frozen in time, in an endless lapse in space and time we froze.
He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me out the house, my children screaming as he did so. Their fear evident.

His girlfriend jogging

He was a sick man, his desire to have more than one woman was his motto.
When I left he chased me down the street fearful that my children would follow I ran. Knowing as I had thought at the time that I was his target of abuse.thinking the safety of the kids.
Their grandmother assuring me they were not being abused.
1998 charges filed for abuse. He got 2 weeks in jail. Suspended time and was allowed to do his time at home in the house as house arrest. Justice served.
Or is it.

Constant withdrawal of contact

He would never allow me to see the children. He had instilled fear in me that created a mask that I lived with for the next 6 years.
My oldest son had been in contact with him as he wanted to see his siblings. 2 days later my oldest son would be dead.
Upon a phone call to me one of many over the years. I informed him that my oldest son had died.
He hung up!

Reconnection of sorts

About 30 minutes later the phone rings.....
I hear the, all. My children crying
Love me. .....
Their father had to tell The children that I was indeed alive that I was not dead.
He had them believe that I had passed.
After 8 years I was finally going to see my children.
What would that entail?

Reflections in time

To reflect on this day in my life. A time I had yearned for. It took the death of my son to soften his cold heart.
So be it.
Seeing my children was awesome, I had just been released from prison. Serving 10 1/2 months.
That portion of my life will be explained later.
Here I was with them.
Joy tears and getting to know them.
It was great for a while. Till he decided he could try to control me.
We were not living as a couple and he felt since we did have a past he had a right to take me.
Well wrong move. No is no.
The following day my son was lthreatened by the father. That was the final straw.

Not my children

Never hit my children.
Within a short time the abuse would begin again.
Running with them.
There were numerous reasons that I had to keep them safe. All all costs.
So I took them to the other side of the Island.
The following day off the Island to Oahu.
There I went to the shelter filed a restraining order.
They were safe for awhile. Tucked n bed all warm fed and bathed.
The reflection of light filtered in the room illuminating their young faces.
I sat and cried, no money not plans what the hell would I do from here.
I had nothing to offer them, no job just out of prison and 4 children.
I did not give up I kept on the courts for protection of me and my children.
In therapy all of us.

Judgement made and he was free

The judge did not recognize my police report how he had beaten me. I did not have legal custody of the boys,so he got them back. They were at the airport ready to depart,the second oldest was not going to go.
He called me and begged me to help him. He was going to run from the airport.
I had spent the 3 previous weeks teaching the children about the routes of the bus system.
Each and everyone of them had money. I made sure they would have money for the bus if it was ever to a point we needed to be separated. They knew the route and transfer points.

The Bus

Kaneohe Hawaii
7 pm the police call asking for my son. I did not have him at the moment and was aware that he had ran from the father. He did not want to leave with him. He ran and caught the long ride bus. It was ok it would be here soon. But my son seen the police cars and hid till they left.
He called my phone and told me he was down the street by the Safeway.
I ran to him.
After taking him back to the shelter there were numerous reports that the police wanted to take me in for harboring a run away.

Listed as a runaway

It did not matter. They couldn't enter into the private areas of the shelter. So the staff helped me hide my son.
Later that evening the staff told me that the police had heard from a neighbor that my son was indeed on property.
They agreed to allow my son to spend the night and return to the father the following day.
That night after hours of counseling my son wanted to take a shower and get ready for bed.
I could hear the water running but no sounds of the shower?

Running water

I called out to my son and there was no answer. The staff and I ended the door and found him with his head submerged in the sink full of water.
Panic set in he was not harmed other than choking on water but I was terrified.
The advocate and myself called the Child ABUSE HOTLINE 800#.
Explaining that my son had tried to take his life. The night was long and fearful. I did not sleep.
The following day at 8 am they came an army of police. They took my son.
We spent so much time trying to get child protective services to take my son and keep him for observation. They would not.


The department of human services spent time trying to interview the children to no avail. The children would not talk to the it would be revealed later why .
I moved to Maui and was reunited with my sons widow and the phone calls started. They had found us.n MySpace.com
That was the beginning of a series of events that would be the turning point in my life.


Abuse, Cyber Attacks, Cyber Bullying, Cyber Crime, Cyber Harassment, Cyber Stalker, Cyber Stalkers, Cyber Stalking, Cyberbully, Cyberbullying, Cyberstalker, Legal Formalities, Legal Help, Legal Information, Legal Rights, Police Control, Police Officers, Police Report, Tro Violations, Victim, Victim Mindset, Victims, Victims Family, Victoria Memorial

Meet the author

author avatar Sandralee
The love for my children drives me to leave a legacy of hope and faith, a desire to attain the highest goals and never limit their chances to learn and grow.

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author avatar Denise O
28th Jul 2012 (#)

Geesh hon, I am at a loss of words. My heart is just breaking, I am so sorry. I know this was hard to write but, thank you for sharing, your plight just might help another that too is going through this. Once again, thank you for sharing.:)

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