After a Spring

Shaunak By Shaunak, 14th Jun 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/3hc8tmxl/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Columns & Opinions

Just some Random thoughts that i penned down and made into some kind of a poetic creation.

Just Random Thoughts

The verdant spring has passed decanting my transitory bliss in the waning petals of a half-bloomed blossom, the sprawling tree which stretched its arms towards Utopia has bled its heart out on the avenue of our dreams, the horizon, tinged with the cerise hues of our delirious desires, summoned as close as thy heart in miasmic moments of intimacy, has receded, beyond the reach of “our” fingertips….Misty moonlight held on to the 'nymphetamine' night and, choreographed by the nomadic zephyr, they erupted into a chiaroscurist waltz as the carnal waves swept away the shivering vestiges of naiveté……… Words that once fluently weaved themselves into a wreathe dismantled, floating in estrangement on the banks of my deluged heart...... Dadaistic prattle brimming with lucidity subsided, like the ebbing waves, into incoherence…The enigmatic fancies, associated with shocks of delight, melted in infernal agony and a phoenix alighted, bearing the blue flames of my ignis fatuus. Blatant avowals, that throttled every hesitation, recoiled into their primitive cocoon…the mythical identity of “us” disintegrated into the separate “I”-s in one off-beat moment of an otherwise perfect symphony ….

I do not claim to love you forever because I refuse to lose myself in the mazes of love’s mysticism. There’s no pain greater than the consummation of wishes so, I’ll content myself with “less is more”- the insatiability of a satiable tryst. And let my half-bloomed blossoms ripen into fruits of conviction, even as their pungent scent lingers in the air…. Even as the impressed phantasm haunts my motives, I’ll sprinkle my parching heart with a wistful fountain and wait. For the rains.

(╯︵╰,) © Shaunak

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Tags

Love, Love Lost, Poems, Poems About Love, Poems On Emotions, Poetry For The Heart And Soul, Poetry With Meaning, Random, Random Hearts, Random Thoughts, Sadness, Shaunak, Shaunaks Poems

Meet the author

author avatar Shaunak
Hi, i am Shaunak. I am a Technology freak who loves writing Poetry and Short stories. I also write about movies, music, business and anything that i find interesting.

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Comments

author avatar ShaneCold
14th Jun 2012 (#)

Excellent usage of words, u have a way with words which is unique. Thanks for sharing

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author avatar Haylie
14th Jun 2012 (#)

Nice,i like it

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author avatar Mikey.
14th Jun 2012 (#)

Good stuff well done.

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author avatar Teila
14th Jun 2012 (#)

I enjoyed this.

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author avatar Teila
14th Jun 2012 (#)

I enjoyed this.

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author avatar Ms. Ann
15th Jun 2012 (#)

You played words like music. Great!

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
15th Jun 2012 (#)

My dear Vats, Permit me to address this way.
When I read it first, it sounded impressive, but I didn't get the hang of it.
On second reading, I thought I would post my ideas.
Following is an honest critique of your work. If you do not like criticism don't read further.
2. You have good ideas and a poetic mind. OK.
However, you are fond of big, bombastic, unfamiliar and difficult words. If the reader has to go the dictionary to check for many words to get the message you are trying to put across, he will be put off or turned off. To be honest, that's what happened to me.
Use simple words. There is no need to show off your vocabulary and prose. It will be evident to us, and we will appreciate without your prompting. One of the principles of writing is to think the reader is as intelligent as you.
Secondly, coming to specific words, miasmic moments of intimacy,-I couldn't figure this out.
Thirdly, after fingertips you have used four dots. There is no period after ellipses. Here ellipses are not called for.
When I finished the sentence I didn't know what I was reading. You could have broken this wordy sentence into smaller sections.
Similarly after naivete there are series of dots like soldiers on parade. What are they doing there? This is no punctuation. I don't know how the moderator has missed this.
Mazes of love's mysticism- I wonder what it is. Mazes-Why plural? Maze alone will do. I don't think there is a plural for maze.
And so on.
Kindly remember I am an old man of 73 and bear no ill will against you, and my intentions are honorable.

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author avatar Shaunak
15th Jun 2012 (#)

thanks for the honest critique and i do agree with what u have said..
This is why i love wikinut and no other site can match the response u receive from the community here..

P.S: i am actually not fond of big words, this is an experiment and i wanted to try something really different. And i know my grammar is shitty, can't do much about it. But thanks for the reply,i would certainly like to improve.. :)

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
15th Jun 2012 (#)

you are wise in your comments GV...thank you

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
15th Jun 2012 (#)

interesting both your words and GV's...yes wiki is a wonderful place to expound on...

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author avatar Sanskriti
15th Jun 2012 (#)

Nice use of words, thanks for sharing

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
16th Jun 2012 (#)

My dear Vats,
What a relief it was to see a positive response from you. Believe you me I slept an uneasy night wondering what brickbats I would have to face.
We are all on the learning curve at different levels. Of course, I am stuck up, but that is not germane to the point. You are young and on your way up. You need someone to give you a push occasionally.

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author avatar Retired
21st Jun 2012 (#)

brilliant, thank you!

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author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
24th Jun 2012 (#)

My dear GV Rama Rao. You really are treading on very thin ice as far as I am concerned. Shaunak not only has the gift of writing inspiring and wonderful verse and prose, but he must also have a very special gift of restraint and acceptance from a fellow author, and obviously I am not gifted likewise. I am afraid I might have come screaming off my perch like a mother bird protecting her young. You are welcome to continue your flat-footed trampling through other authors' work, but, Hark, listen to one of your less gentle and kindly colleagues,..........."Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead." I think you might have trampled all over Wordsworth's field of golden daffodils. Also, age has nothing to do with it! Beethoven began to compose at nine years of age.
Love and good wishes GV Rama Rao. I hope you stay with us so that maybe we can work something out!

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author avatar Samridhi55
24th Aug 2012 (#)

Nice and wonderful. Thnks

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