Alarm Clock Hell (Another Chapter in the Life of Charlie and Jane's 25 Reasons)

Phyl CampbellStarred Page By Phyl Campbell, 24th Nov 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2hxf3mxu/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>General Fiction

They may share a marital bed, but that doesn't mean Charlie and Jane have the same schedule. When Charlie's alarm goes off before Jane's...

25 Reasons

In 25 Reasons Why Charlie Should Never Read Jane's Books to Jane, a married couple's happily ever after has gone on way past their initial ride into the sunset. Maybe you've missed a reason? Catch up here:

Vampires and Romance After the Honeymoon Both Suck
Maybe It's On Backwards
Pop Up Porn
Sexual Congress
Early to Bed, Early to Rise
Ultra Thin for Her Pleasure
Doggie Style

And now the newest reason -- Alarm Clock Hell.

Alarm Clock Hell: Part 1

"Charlie." Jane's voice was quiet, seductive, and half-asleep.
"Mmmm?"
"Charlie." Jane's voice was less quiet, less seductive, and less than half-asleep. "Charlie, that's your alarm."
"I'll do it at the commercial, honey."
"You're not watching TV, you're sleeping." Jane said, then muttered, "like I'd like to be."
"Five more minutes."
"You're going to be late for work."
"I don't feel good."
"You say that every day."
"I think I'm coming down with something."
"Something else you say every morning. Take some drugs, go see the doctor, or get out of bed and turn off the damn alarm already!" Jane's voice was no longer quiet, seductive, or sleepy-sounding.
Charlie pouted, rolled over, and hit the alarm. It stopped. "You only love me for my paycheck."
"Damn straight. Now go earn it and leave me alone."
Jane could never admit to being a model of patience. But she liked to think that if Charlie's alarm woke him instead of her, and she got a full night's sleep instead if being rudely awakened by Charlie's alarm clock 30 minutes before she had to get up to make sure Seth got to school, then she might be more pleasant to him. It certainly wasn't her fault that great romances kept her turning pages in the wee hours of the morning. Charlie certainly didn't complain when her nocturnal activity caused her to rouse him in very pleasant ways.
Charlie staggered from the bed and into the bathroom. As the bathroom door closed, Charlie's alarm started up again; the combination of buzz and whine promising Jane a killer morning headache.
"Charlie!"
"I must have hit snooze instead of off."
"Make it stop!"
"Sorry, I'll come turn it off in a bit."

Alarm Clock Hell: Part 2

"Ugh!" Jane grabbed one of Charlie's and put it over her face. Then she got a solid whiff of it, tossed it back to Charlie's side, and folded one of her own over her exposed ear as she rolled to her side and curled up in the fetal position. She'd do anything, anything, to escape the dreaded noise. Except smell a dirty pillow. When had she washed sheets last? Something else to add to her unending list. How she'd love to have a job that she left at five. Not that Charlie didn't work hard or provide well. He did both. It was just hard to appreciate that so early in the morning with something like a fire alarm continuing to emit its blaring tones. "It's so loud! And annoying!"
"I know you are, honey. I still love you."
"I'd kill you, but I'd wind up in alarm clock hell."
"Must be my lucky day."
"You don't know how good you've got it."
"Yes, dear. Anything you say dear." The alarm clock chose that moment to resume its auditory torture.
"Argh! Please make it stop!"
Charlie hit the button again. "There. It's off now."
"Thank you."
"You know, my side of the bed isn't farther away in the morning than when you're fast asleep in the middle of the night," Charlie suggested.
"I wouldn't encroach if you weren't such a covers hog."
"Ah! You’ve discovered my master plan."
"Did your master plan include a five o clock shadow?"
"Naturally."
"Excessive snoring?"
"Of course."
"Halitosis?"
"Cheaper than Nitrous Oxide and works just as well."
"Not funny."
"Sorry." Charlie leaned in for a morning kiss.

Alarm Clock Hell: Part 3

"Ugh – go brush your teeth!"
"I did."
"You did not – and you lie worse than Seth about it!"
"Now you're just being mean."
"All in a mom's work."
"Speaking of, isn't it time for Seth to get up?"
"He will when his alarm goes off."
"I'm just going to tell him 'bye.'"
"Don't wake him up, Charlie."
"His alarm will go off in a few minutes anyway."
"Charlie," Jane warned Charlie's retreating figure.
"DAD!"
"Charlie! I told you!"
"I'm going to work now, since no one in this house loves me."
Jane heard the back door open and slam. Her husband's truck revved, and the garage door opened.
"Oh, geez. Real mature."
"Mom, Dad gave me a Wet Willy again."
"I'm sorry, honey. Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No."
"Well, you're up now. Go ahead and get ready for school."
"Dang it."
"No rest for the wicked, honey."
The alarm on Jane's phone chose that moment to start its own morning routine.
"Damn. No rest for the wicked."
Jane swung her feet around and sat up. She let the song play through one chorus before shutting it off. It was time to start the day.

Tags

25 Reasons, Alarm Clock, Charlie, Fiction, Jane, Morning Routine, Relationships

Meet the author

author avatar Phyl Campbell
I am "Author, Mother, Dreamer." I am also teacher, friend, Dr. Pepper addict, night-owl. Visit my website -- phylcampbell.com -- or the "Phyl Campbell Author Page" on Facebook.

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Comments

author avatar Mariah
24th Nov 2013 (#)

This is absolutely priceless..so funny, and really well written.

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author avatar Connie McKinney
24th Nov 2013 (#)

I got some laughs out of this one as well, Phyl. Sharing now.

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author avatar Johnny Knox
24th Nov 2013 (#)

Great post Phyl!! Both funny and clever!!

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
24th Nov 2013 (#)

very witty Phyl...another good one...indeed!

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
24th Nov 2013 (#)

Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!

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author avatar MarilynDavisatTIERS
24th Nov 2013 (#)

Good morning, Phyl; captured our everday experiences in a wonderful, funny, and thoroughly truthful way. Great piece. ~Marilyn

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
24th Nov 2013 (#)

Thanks, dear!

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author avatar Michelle Stanley
24th Nov 2013 (#)

Hi Phyl, ity seems that I have a lot of catching up to do, and will shortly read the rest of this interesting series. Michelle

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
24th Nov 2013 (#)

Welcome to the party, Michelle!

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
25th Nov 2013 (#)

Well done Phyl!

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
25th Nov 2013 (#)

Thanks, Fern!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
1st Dec 2013 (#)

Mornings are tough on everyone. Funny and realistic, Phyl - siva

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
2nd Dec 2013 (#)

Thanks, Siva!

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author avatar Carol
2nd Dec 2013 (#)

Very entertaining and amusing work, well done.

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
3rd Dec 2013 (#)

Thanks so much, Carol!

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author avatar Johnny Knox
3rd Dec 2013 (#)

LOL!!
I feel you 100% Phyl!! You made my day with this post!!

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
4th Dec 2013 (#)

Johnny Knox, I can feel the laughter bubbling from your comment. You've made me ear-2-ear smile. Thanks so much!

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