An Audience With Jimmy McSavey

MariahStarred Page By Mariah, 16th Apr 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Humor

A humorous fictional tale of fallen TV Star, Jimmy McSavey, who now makes a living from touring and appearing in public houses. Once at the height of fame, he tells the sob story of his demise from stardum to a somewhat reluctant public house audience..read on to find out more.

I Was On Top Of The World

"Jimmy McSavey Esquire at your service.
Thank you for coming and a warm welcome to you all.
Yes..it's really me, THEE Jimmy McSavey
Don't believe everything you read in the papers,
I'm still the same man you all know and love,
Let me tell you my story and how it really was"

HECKLER SHOUTS:
"We're only here for the half price beer.. so you go for it, knock yersel oot Jimmy"

JIMMY McSAVEY SINGS..
so many women lusted after me
sweet dizzy heights of the game of fame
but I lost it all so unjustly..I was not to blame
I travel now from town to town
in this quest to clear my name...

HECKLER SHOUTS:
"That's not what we heard, rumour has it ye've signed up with the brewery tae drive the punters oot before shutting time on half price at the bar nights"

MAN IN THE AUDIENCE EGGS ON THE CROWD TO BE ENTHUSIASTIC:
"Show Jimmy a wee bit of appreciation here folks, if we don't they'll put the drink back up tae full price"

The Beginning Of The Downward Spiral...

I had a passion for a ruby murray (curry)
so I went into this restaurant every day..
The owner..she was drop dead gorgeous
reeling me in with her charms..
aye.. she had her wicked way..


but here.. would ye believe it..
she didnae fancy me at all..
she used me as her goffor
threatened me with the tabloids
if I didnae concede tae play ball


One night... she sent me oot tae buy mushrooms
whilst customers... awaited their curry
she said.."get tae the supermaket sharpish
and bring them back here in a hurry"

The Shopping Trip...

Alas. the supermarket was closed
not a mushroom to be had
so I had to improvise
as for business..this was bad

I came upon a field
I couldn't believe my luck
free mushrooms for the picking
enough to fill a truck


I duly filled a carrier bag
took them swifty back to the boss
didnae mention where I got them
well..her gain was the supermarket's loss


CROWD HECKLER: "Was that yer twin brother in the photo Jimmy"

JIMMY McSAVEY RESPONDS:

"I was merely checking that the mushrooms were fresh before I picked them... when a pain in the ass member of the public..a reprobate with a camera.. took that photo and sold it to the tabloids..some folk would sell their granny for a few quid, no thought spared for the damage caused to a man of my reputation"

And Then There Was Trouble...

...A diner in the restaurant
began to lose the plot
she started screaming hysterically
"there's a monkey at this table
stirring a great big pot"


Her husband put his hands in the air shouting loudly..
sh** ..I think my cover is blown
so I freely confess to all here present
yes... I am Al Capone"


The paramedics arrived forthwith
when the SOS call was made
the tabloids got wind of the scandal
so I got doon on my knees and prayed


Toxicology reports revealing the cause
yours truly took the sting...
cost me mega bucks tae sort it out
and Valerie...well.... she got wise tae my fling


Pulling The Plug...

I was summoned to the offices
a pow wow with big chiefs of TV
my ratings had taken a hammering
so it was O F F..SKI for me...


I said.."come on now guys
let's not get into a fight"
but they pointed to the door
aye..it was thank you and goodnight"

I stood my ground..I wouldnae walk oot that door
well..at least until a big burly cop..
..dragged me right across the floor

The rug was pulled fae under my feet
Jimmy McSavey was no more
Valerie chucked me out
and the tabloids got word of the score..

Let Me In For God's Sake..

I just couldnae accept this fate...I needed tae be loved
so I went into the studios 'to beg' for forgiveness one day
but they saw right through 'the disguise'
that big burly cop cuffed me and led me away..

Back In The Day...

Valerie in our heyday... she said..
..I looked irresistable as a Goth..
I looked so good... it made her quiver..
though of my Goth days.. she's since told the tabloids..
I looked like something that had been dragged oot the river

Oh aye..I went through the punk craze
The gear.. the hair.. and the safety pin
Valerie loved my image back then
She was gutted when I jacked that in...



Dressed To Impress...

So I decided to try to impress her..
show her I could be 'that man' once more
I dressed masel up in her clothes..
then headed out the door..


But Valerie wisnae up for that..
for I heard the sound of her squealing..
she clocked me in her red flowery dress
on the roof..through that bloody glass ceiling



Funny Farm

What was all the fuss about
I just couldnae see the harm
But nobody else agreed with that
shafted was I..straight to the Funny Farm

Off Her Mark...


I thought Valerie knows she's lucky
for of the women..I could take my pick
she'll cut me a bit of slack..she'll forgive me
Aye right!!...did she nick!!

The love of my life...my Valerie
What a woman..an absolute stunner
She emptied the house and the bank account
then she did a runner...

JIMMY McSAVEY
Yer a great audience..thank you for yer support..I'm close tae tears here..
so I'd like to end with dedicating this to the woman herself...Valerie.
So from me Jimmy McSavey...Goodnight and God Bless ye's all.

Credits You Tube Videos
Word Art

Read more of my pages by clicking the links below
Avenging Angels
Come On Intae The Light
Look Out There..It's a Suicidal Hare

Tags

Humor, Humor Writing, Humorous, Humorous Poetry, Mariah, Wikinut

Meet the author

author avatar Mariah
Writer from Bonnie Scotland

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author avatar Mariah
17th Apr 2014 (#)

Thank you for the moderation and Star

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
18th Apr 2014 (#)

Wonderful post my dear Mariah!

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author avatar Mariah
18th Apr 2014 (#)

Thank you Fern..your a sweetheart xx

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Apr 2014 (#)

Creative, humorous and touching on ups and downs in life. We have to and can find meaning at every level - have to pick up and steady ourselves. Thanks Mariah - siva

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author avatar Mariah
18th Apr 2014 (#)

Yes Siva, what you say here is the reality of life, there's many a true word spoken in jest and there must be a lot of 'Jimmy McSavey's' out there, one mistake triggering a chain reaction.. leading on to outright self destruction.
Thank you for your encouragement and support my friend.

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author avatar Stella Mitchell
18th Apr 2014 (#)

As only you could tell such a tale wee hen ....as only you could tell them ! This is certainly such a one . :-)
Have a very Happy and blessed Easter my dear friend .
God bless you
love Stella ><

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author avatar Mariah
19th Apr 2014 (#)

Thank you Stella..you know me, I love a bit of humour..
A very Happy Easter to you too my friend xxx

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author avatar Carol
18th Apr 2014 (#)

Haha love it Mariah, he sounds like the fallen singer who ended up at holiday camps singing in the bar when no-one was listening. In real life it must be soul destroying if you fall out of favour with the public.

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author avatar Mariah
19th Apr 2014 (#)

Ha ha ha that's exactly what he's like Carol!..thank you for reading and a very Happy Easter to you too my friend xxx

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