An Ode to death

sahana By sahana, 24th Oct 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>True Stories

We come across Death and Departure in life. Sometimes, it becomes difficult to accept them. It takes years to recover and begin thinking with maturity that "It's life". I too came across a death in my family.

It pains!

The clock was excited to ‘Ding Dong’ at 4p.m in ten minutes. I was busy watching people pass by my home, just curled up on the wooden chair in the porch. Grandpa was busy mumbling some mantras, lying on his bed in the main hall. Mom and aunt had always enjoyed proving their culinary skills, in that cramped kitchen and they were busy making coffee. Uncle (who had the pure blood relation with my Dad) and Dad had their usual working hours. ‘He’ , my uncle’s son, my lovable brother was having his sleep peacefully in his room. ‘Damu’, that’s how we call him though he was named ‘Damodharan’ officially. He had always remained a "special kid" to our family.

I heard my aunt trying to call me at top of her voice though she owned a very soft voice. She called me out telling ‘Sahana, I am busy in the kitchen. Could you please check if Damu had woke up?’. I stepped out of the chair instantly and assured her that I would check it at once. I went to his cozy, silent room. There he was lying with his eyes wide open. To me, they were not just eyes. They were something lovely, little huge, with glistening black retina, thick eyelashes adding more beauty to his eyes. Generally, kids do not stay silent once they wake from thier sleep. But, he never troubled anyone in our family by crying at his top voice to indicate he is awake. He had a sharp nose, rosy soft lips. His face not a perfect heart shaped one nor an oval, it was blend of both structures and his cheeks bones were covered with little flesh. His skin was skim white. I reached him and said slowly ‘Damu dear, mom will come to you in few minutes. Till then shall we play?’. He lying quiet on his bed, slowly rolled his eyes toward the my direction. His hands slightly jerked indicating he would play with me.
Yes. His neck could not erect and support his head. His slender legs with lovely paws, lay immovable. His hands could be lifted only 5 inches away from his body. With his vocal chord underdeveloped, he could only make sounds. He cannot talk or sing like usual kids. He cannot walk or run, or scoop his food and eat, or sit straight, or shake his head. He is just not like other normal kids. And yeah, he is a "special kid". I do not have the courage to utter that he is one among "physically challenged". Even then, I would dare say he had been the only person to respond instantly and would display his response through facial expressions. All he could do was only roll his eyes towards ones direction, smile, frown, cry, jerk his hands, purse his lips. That is all!
He lifted his hands gently and I held his cute little palm and began talking to him caressing his silky hair. I would talk everything to him. My friends, school, homework, etc. My games usually included showing him colorful objects to have his attention and enjoy, singing, telling stories. For everything he would return back a responsive smile if he had liked it, else he would frown. He had been lying in bed for eight whole years. And that’s how my childhood days rolled on with all my love for my sweet little brother.
I still remember, my cousin sister tried to frighten me that morning when I woke up. I was surprised that all my best cousins have turned up to granny’s home for vacation. I jumped in glee for seeing my cousins after a long time. I had lunch with them, went to buy candies, ice creams, etc. In the evening, I started telling all my excitement to him. He returned a broad smile and jerked his hands. The entire day was fully charged with excitement. Later at night, mom pestered me to stay at granny’s home and spend the night with cousins. So, with the same excitement, I wished him good night as a part of routine and kissed his forehead. He squeezed his lips and his eyes turned moist in a second. It bothered me a lot. My cousins started pulling me to granny’s home, and I had to leave to grandma’s home which was only a residence away. We watched movies, played some indoor games and then dozed off in exhaustion after enthusiasm.
It was 7 in the morning when my eyelids were ready to unlock my retina. The wood windows were tightly sealed and I hardly found anyone near me. I was lying alone in the bed. I was wondering where were my naughty cousins whose legs were lying over mine the previous night. I stepped out of the room and found everyone gathered at the porch. It gave me a little surprise. When I went to the porch, they stopped murmuring. I got jerked. My cousin sister came near me, took my hand and squeezed it. She slowly said “I don’t know how you will take it. I know this is going to be shocking for you. Just close your eyes and think of God..” she paused. My heart began to palpitate more. “Damu had terrible wheezing the previous night. He was taken to hospital in few minutes. He was given treatment there for an hour. The doctors told his lungs began to die and he struggled to breathe. But..” she paused. My eyes went wet and lips had turned dry. “He passed away..” she said sobbing and taking my shoulder. For a moment my head was reeling and went unconscious. I felt I was dead. Later, they took me to him. There he laid cadaverous, cold. His eyelids locked. I felt my blood turning chill at that sight. Something pricking my heart. My aunt and uncle hugged me with a loud cry. I went near him. Took his feet kissed it gently. I cried loud like a mad girl. I realized the pain of death. It was all over. The lovely relationship is gone.
I always felt I had a sibling though in reality I did not have one. The most painful incident that had happened in my life. I could not face it in my lifetime. Maybe because I did not have the maturity at that time? Or maybe I loved him so much. It gets much more complicated to handle "Death" and "Departure". Still exploring the eternal affinity between death, life, departure, pain etc. Every relationship matters in life. Once it's lost, leaves pain in the heart. Its been 12 years since it happened. Though he lay cold, he still stay fresh in our minds. He has left his memories in our hearts. My brother, you stay in our hearts forever!


Affection, Brother, Cry, Dead, Death, Death And Birth, Death In The Family, Deaths, Family, Handicapped, Relationships, Shock, Special Children, Special Souls

Meet the author

author avatar sahana
I am jus on my self discovery. So, will let you know 'the real me' wen i end up wit dis mission. An i would focus on descriptive writing since am used to it.

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author avatar Buzz
24th Oct 2011 (#)

Excellent page, Sahana. Thanks for sharing in time for Halloween.

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author avatar Retired
24th Oct 2011 (#)

Sorry for your loss. Wheezing is deadly if you don't detect it early. It could start with a sudden cough which gets bad later. Always have an inhaler in hand and keep the person close to the window.
The Nebulizer is always handy when you have an asthmatic around.
Heart goes out to the family and their loss. Lost an aunt the same way around the same period of time.

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author avatar sahana
25th Oct 2011 (#)

@buzz: thank u :)
@aiyanna: its true.. but my bro cud not use an inhaler for his health conditions.. sorry for ur loss..

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author avatar Tranquilpen
18th Nov 2011 (#)

Thank you for sharing your loss with the community at wikinut. We feel your grief, and it is in the sharing of such moments, that we can heal and move on.

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