Bill Back the Collectors with Bilco

Zarathruster By Zarathruster, 15th Mar 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Short Stories

A unique method for charging people that waste your time.

Bill Back the Collectors with Bilco

Bill back the Collectors with Bilco

How much is your time worth? Can you assign a dollar amount to your daily time on an hourly basis, if so what would it be worth? Concerns such as these are the driving force for Bilco, a company that takes a proactive stance for the consumer for recapturing lost revenue due to inefficient professional services, government agencies and anyone trying to separate you from your cash.

When services in any industry are rendered a bill, invoice or statement of services is generated from the service provider. The invoice typically includes a description of the services rendered and a cost justification based on standard industry practices. When a doctors' office sets an appointment for 9:00am, you typically arrive on time , if not early. Ninety percent of my experience with this industry has led me to the conclusion that 9 am typically means 10:00 or 10:30. This is where Bilco comes in. If you evaluate your time to be worth $32.00 per hour, Bilco will submit the necessary documentation to recapture your losses due to unnecessary delays that were not agreed to. This is known as our 're-billing process'. The re-billing process will begin after a 20 minute overage from the original time agreed to. By signing in at the reception window and noting the original time of the appointment, you have entered into an agreement for service which has now been violated. Breach of this agreement will result in legal action brought forth on your behalf through Bilco. When you , the 'patient' do not show up for an agreed to appointment, the doctors office will bill you for that lost time, a 'no show' appointment. Bilco believes they should be treated the same.

In regards to the legal industry, lawyers are recognized as competent professionals in our society. They serve a necessary role in defense from criminal and civil matters and our constitutional rights in this great experiment we call America.
This being said, attorneys are far from perfect in their billing practices. When an attorney does not show up for a hearing or sends an incompetent substitute, he is negligent in his duty and recompense from the retainer fee is necessary. no matter how mundane or trivial the court date appears to be, the attorney is in breach of contract when he is not present for all matters pertaining to your case. Once again, your cost per hour, including driving times, lost time work and vehicle expense will be compiled and analyzed by Bilco and a proper re-billing summation will be submitted to the offending practitioner. When a case is not brought to a timely conclusion based on your prior negotiation with the attorney and noted in a Bilco per-contract signatory, the attorney will be found negligent and recompense will be calculated and submitted to the offending law firm.

Bilco maintains a document compilation within our vast database that applies to every situation one can face that would waste one's time and money. All societal institutions that could possible waste your time and money due to their inefficiency are represented. Physician practices, attorneys, school boards, creditors, service industries, government agencies, (by type) , are all money wasters and will be effectively re-billed for services not rendered in the agreed upon fashion.

Creditors are a notoriously unfair and unyielding industry that needs to be reigned in. When a creditor raises your interest rate from .18 to .23 or higher because of purchases made under the available credit limit they are in violation of fair billing practices and re-billing is necessary. The time required to call and negotiate about this unfair practice can exceed 1-2 hours per day. The time, the mental anguish and the corresponding increase in blood pressure and rage are all items that need recompense. Bilco will analyze the true cost of unnecessary stress in a persons already hectic and time crunched life and will create a formal re-billing strategy. We will go deep into the file and look at check clearing dates for late fee imposition and illegal interest rate increases. I have personally reduced two $35 fees using these methods.

Bilco believes in "Not Taking it Lying Down" (NTLD) and will do everything within the realm of the law to eliminate the financial vampires from your life. If permitted, Bilco will use your personal medical and legal information to look further into the true cost of service providers not doing business with you in the agreed to manner. We are not a litigious organization however if necessary we will appear in court on your behalf to properly assign and re-bill the financial offenders in your life. Fees paid to Bilco will be based on a percentage of revenue collected. We see this as a small price to pay for the piece of mind obtained in fighting back the entrenched attitudes and policies of monolithic corporations and
uncaring service providers.

Traffic is an unfortunate reality of modern life. This doesn't mean that you should not be compensated for it. The average American spends 2-4 weeks per year sitting in needless traffic delays. That's a vacations worth of time each year! the Department of Transportation is a voracious and uncaring beast to the general public.In light of this, they need to pay for their ineptitude. By using Bilco's proprietary software, you can now bill back your portion of road, fuel and vehicle taxes to offset the inefficient, poorly maintained and downright dangerous highways bridges and other forms of egress. YOU paid the taxes on the fuel and the roads, why shouldn't you get what you paid for? Factors such as lost fuel economy, wheel alignments due to pot holes and canyons in the road surface, delays and general driver anguish all factor into the equation. Freedom of mobility and freedom from unnecessary taxation are God given rights in America and Bilco will fight to keep it that way.

The last and by far most egregious example of pseudo imprisonment and frustration is the airlines. Missing a flight due to weather or poor management has left people sleeping in airports and stuck on tarmac for immeasurable amounts of time. The lack of concern and uncaring attitude exhibited by the airlines is only exceeded in outrageousness by the waste of time that must be endured in a public space. Airline employees consider their human cargo to be just that - baggage to be herded onto a plane. These people need to be confronted with the hard reality of being re-billed for your time and inconvenience. Bilco has a unique and straightforward method to deal with their impersonal lack of civility. Since airlines keep accurate records of take-offs and landings, we simlply use that information against them to begin the re-billing process. We know exactly how long you had to wait. We take into account the persnal as well as the financial setbacks heaped upon you by these uncaring corporate plebes. Bilco then presents the airline with a highly detailed formal invoice indicating meal expenses, hotels, lost time at cost per hour, the opportunity cost of business and work that could of happened and the price of just not being somewhere you need to be. It is only through persistent and detailed effort that we can began to recapture the lost time and money the consumer is shackled with that we can successfully take on the behemoths of the sky.

In closing we implore you to let Bilco handle the intrusions and arrogant greed wrongly imposed on you by the big brothers of the world to steal you and your family's hard earned money and time. We will restore the dignity and rights of the American consumer in a world of increasing thievery and injustice. We stand firm in NTLD and our resolution to not let anyone or any organization take advantage or your precious resources by wrongly billing you in an unjust manner. We do not want you to waste your time chasing the moneychangers out of the temple. That is our job and our commitment to you- the American consumer.


Bills, Bills Backing Up, Waiting, Waiting Room Poetry, Waiting Time

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author avatar Zarathruster
Internationally Acclaimed Writer of Satire and Human Interest

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