Boys. Boys, Boys

Carol RoachStarred Page By Carol Roach, 8th Feb 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

Were you a teenager who longed for a boyfriend like? Here is another story from my book.

Introduction

I came home from the hospital so I was told weighing 5 pounds on the nose. I was premature and weighed 4 pounds 11 ounces at birth. This was the only time in my life that I was at normal weight let alone underweight. Up until the age of 5, I was a normal petite little girl but then after that I ballooned and stayed that way ever since.

Fat girl

When I started elementary school the other children always called me fatty and would not play with me. In grade 1, Glen Potts hit me in the stomach rationalizing that he was going to punch my stomach until it was no longer fat anymore. I guess he forgot he was fat as well.

My first real crush was on Brian Nichols, but of course he did not want a fat girl, he chose a beautiful slim blond girl - Linda Joseph, as his grade 2 crush. Even at that tender age, the bar was set and fat girls were just not making it.

In my last year of elementary school at the age of I2, I was already 147 pounds and barely 5 feet tall.

Johnny, the twin from next door, was my childhood friend but I did not see him as a love interest, he was just Johnny.

Just a little girl

When I was 11, I had a crush on this French boy that lived down the street. Yvon Bertrand was so good looking and so sophisticated and unlike any boy I knew at the time. Yvon was much older than me. Probably at the age of 14, he must have felt that I was just a little girl, and a little fat girl at that. Instead of getting Yvon to notice me, I ended up having his 6 year old sister following me around. Since I was providing free babysitting so to speak, his mother thought the world of me. Hey Yvon, did you know I even existed - I tried so hard to make you notice me!

When I was 14, I started to hang out with Jackie, Johnny's twin, more than I had ever done in the past. She was 15 and very much into the boy crazy stage. I was far less mature than she was. I don't think I was ready to take on the actual boyfriend/girlfriend phase, but I certainly was old enough to have a boy interested in me, and to feel special in that way that is complimenting to women of all ages.
Instead, the boys that hung out with us were crazy over the curvaceous and sultry Jackie and ignored me completely. All I ever got from them was,

"You know that you have such a pretty face, if only you were not so big, I might consider dating you".

I don't know if they actually thought they were complimenting me because all that did for me was to add to my already low self-esteem. Every time somebody made reference to my weight I wanted to die! I hated myself and I hated everything about me.

A boyfriend from afar

I was at the age (14) of wanting to have a boyfriend. All the other girls on the block had one and I felt bad because I didn't have one. I carried a picture of a strange boy around with me, telling all my friends that he was my boyfriend though I didn't get to see him much because he lived out of town.

The truth of the matter was though I wanted a boyfriend, with my hang-ups about my weight, I just was not ready to take that step and look for one. I had no self-confidence and I could not handle rejection very well.

Now at 60 years old, I still have to talk to myself and reason out a situation that I might have considered a rejection, so how did you expect me to handle it at 14!

Having a boyfriend from afar was much easier. I had my make believe boyfriend's picture that I carried around and that helped me to save face. I also had a crush on my 9th grade history teacher. Both of these guys were safe! They were completely out of reach and I knew it.

It wasn't as if no boy ever wanted me, unfortunately, all my life, I seemed to never want the boys that wanted me. I often asked myself why was it that when a boy was interested, rare though it was, that I could not be interested as well? What could be the reason for this cruel twist of fate?

I wasn't really ready to date

Today I know the answer. The boys that wanted me were the rejects, the ones that no girl wanted, so as the saying goes misery loves company. Back then even I had my goals set very high, I wanted the best looking boy, the boy that every girl wished she had. Heck what did I know at 14 years old - It took me over 40 years to realize that having the best looking guy didn't necessarily mean having the best relationship. I wanted the best looking guy and yet I wasn't ready to date. I wanted to be just like every other girl on the block - a paradox that I could not overcome.

Photos from Wikimedia Commons

Last photo from flickr
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Tags

Teenage Boyfriend, Teenage Boys, Teenage Crushes, Teenage Girls, Teenage Love, Teenagers, Wanting A Boyfriend

Meet the author

author avatar Carol Roach
Retired therapist and author of two books, freelance writer, newsletter editor, and blogger. I write, health, mental health, women's issues, animal , celebrity, history, and SEO articles.

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Comments

author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
9th Feb 2015 (#)

The thing of it all is that perhaps there was boy who wanted you but peer pressure prevented him from making a move, in that he would have been teased I suspect.
Well timed to publish this around Valentine's Day.

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author avatar viewgreen
9th Feb 2015 (#)

Great article and it's awesome book which you have been published. Thank you fro sharing madam. :)

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
9th Feb 2015 (#)

A fascinating piece about a teenager girl. It's well written, and it held my interest. I'm going to read the remaining story and if possible to get hold of your book. Wish you good luck with your new book.

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