Catch up Part 1

Willa By Willa, 16th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Diaries

Just to show you that even when you're at your lowest, you WILL pick yourself back up. I'm going to do a few posts on this as it'll be too long all in one post.

Catch Up

Ok, let me first apologise because this is going to be a long entry. Though it's one I think a lot of people can and will benefit from.

Right, so you all know I had this wonderful fiancé, new flat, new job and life was going great yeah? Well that didn't last long.
Firstly, I had to quit my job because they had employed so many staff that when it came to the quiet period they didn't have enough hours to go around. Which meant there were whole weeks where I didn't get a single shift.
Me and that jerk broke up. He had made me lose everything. I had long beautiful hair, he made me cut it into a really short bob, thank goodness it's all grown back now. I never got to wear make up, was never allowed to wear anything that made me feel good about myself and not really allowed to go out.
When we broke up he kicked me out of the house into knee deep snow with no shoes and no jacket. I had to wade through the snow to a shelter to be placed in emergency accommodation. Which turned out to be far far away from any of my family and friends.
When I arrived I was so scared and embarrassed. There were nine rooms, with eight other homeless people around my age. I got room number 8. There were security guards there 24/7 and cctv always on. I got shown to my little room, and when I was on my own, I sat on the bed and just cried and cried. I had never felt so low in my life.
I texted my mum to let her know what had happened and I got a text ten minutes later telling me dad was coming to get me. I stayed at my parents house that night but when I woke up in the morning they were already shoving rules down my throat and telling me things that I won't mention here, but were pretty awful.
I decided I had no other choice but to go back.

To be honest, that part wasn't that bad. I had my own room and for the first time in years I had somewhere for my own things. I had other people to talk to, though they all took drugs and most had been in prison or a mental hospital, they were friends that I could talk to. They made me laugh when all I wanted to do was hide. And I did try some days to just hide away but they'd never let me, they'd knock on my door and make me sit with them. For that I wish they all knew how grateful I am.
The bad part came when I got a scatter flat. I got one within a month, the flat was gorgeous, in a great area.
But I was alone. So, so alone. I became really ill and started sleeping my days away, only waking to go to the bathroom, not even to eat. I didn't care about that. And of course, guess who stepped back on the scene when I was craving human attention and had no choice but to take what I was given. Yup, the ex that kicked me out.
He played the worst mind games, became abusive physically, mentally and sexually.
Even through all that I moved back in with him to get back to having any kind of a life. I'd given up.

I will be writing more over the next few days to catch you all up. Don't worry, it does get so much better. Love to you all x

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
16th May 2013 (#)

Forgive, forget (too soon) and move on. The grass is always greener the other side. Interesting post - siva

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