Dead Inside

Carol RoachStarred Page By Carol Roach, 31st Mar 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

This is the story of how I met my husband. I was 20 years old and thought I would never love again until I met him in the park on a Victoria Day to Remember

Dead inside

I remember how lonely I was before I met him. I was in love with a man who did not love me. I had spent four years of my life pining over my former love. I spent four years of my life dying inside. The candle that contained my spirit had blown out. I was dead to the world, dead to the possibility of meeting other men, and dead inside.

Victoria Day

It was a day like any other. I had nothing particular planned even though it was Victoria Day and I had a day holiday from work. I went to visit my girlfriend and I caught her just before she left the house to see her boyfriend. She was meeting him in the park. She asked me to go with her. I dragged along wondering how I would fit in; the third wheel, the odd one, the old maid who forever tags behind; living vicariously through others.

His beautiful green eyes

And then it happened. I met him. I met the man I was about to marry. I took one look at him and I just melted inside. I felt wiggly - just like Jell-O, and unsteady on my feet. I was afraid my knees would buckle from under me. It was a good thing no one could see what I felt inside.

Could this possibly be happening to me? I had felt dead inside for so long and now these strange and wonderful feelings were resurfacing. Was I ready for this? To expose myself would be to open up to the world, to live again, to love again and of course to hurt again. But when I looked into his beautiful sea green eyes, the rivers of my emotions flowed through. Waters of joy forged through to my soul bursting the dam I had built up within myself.

I knew the minute I met him that I was going to marry him. There was no doubt in my mind. I knew also that I was going to meet with resistance from my family. He was from another country. He was of another culture. All these things were inconsequential to me, but they were of grave importance to my family. You know what? I really didn't care for I was no longer dead inside, I was alive and I liked it. I had a purpose for living and it was defined in his beautiful green eyes.

All photos taken from the public domain

Do you have a passion to write? Do you want to share your words with the world while getting royalties on your work for years to come? Follow me here on Wikinut


Future Spouse, Meeting Your Future Spouse, Meeting Your Mate, Romance, Romantic Love, Spouse, Victoria Day, Young Love, Young Romance

Meet the author

author avatar Carol Roach
Retired therapist and author of two books, freelance writer, newsletter editor, and blogger. I write, health, mental health, women's issues, animal , celebrity, history, and SEO articles.

Share this page

moderator Steve Kinsman moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know


author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
31st Mar 2015 (#)

Carol, thanks for sharing a part of your life. I've learned throughout a long life that it is up to us to make ourselves happy. We have to love ourselves first and then we can share love. It's taken me forever to learn a lesson I should have always known. Smiles to you!

Reply to this comment

author avatar Carol Roach
31st Mar 2015 (#)

Agreed but this article was written when I was a young woman

Reply to this comment

author avatar Retired
31st Mar 2015 (#)

I sometimes hate myself so much without reason. But truely, I need to start loving myself.

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Can't login?