Dinner Date

Memba Ben By Memba Ben, 18th Apr 2018 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

A trip to a high-class restaurant leaves less than desired results.

A night out for a couple but only one enjoyed the evening. Guess who lost out...

When you find yourself in a relationship, every once in a while you have to go all out. I mean chilling and enjoying each other’s company is fine but you have to do something special every now and then to show your appreciation of your partner.

With the missus’ birthday coming up, I knew anything but amazing wouldn’t be tolerated so I decided to go big. Despite my tendency to be a penny pincher, I googled around for recommendations for a nice, swanky place to go and enjoy her birthday and the reviews came to a conclusion some place called Dinner for Two was the place to be.

I went ahead, made reservations and told the lady to clear her plans for the evening.

When the evening came, I picked her up and headed to the restaurant. I pulled up to the entrance where we found the valet waiting to take my car to the parking area.

After some small talk with the valet, we tipped the guy and headed inside where we were welcomed by the maître d who led us to our table. As we were getting settled in, our waiter smoothly waltzed in and began working his charm.

“Evening Ma’am, Sir. My name is Steve and I’ll have the pleasure of making your evening as enjoyable as possible. May I get you something whilst you look over your menus? Perhaps a glass of Chardonnay for the beautiful lady?”

While I spared no expense for the madam, I didn’t want to remain penniless at the end of the night. I didn’t have the courage to outright ask the price in front of the missus so I tried to convey that sentiment via body language.

“What would you like?”

While I might’ve said this with all the swagger in the world, my eyes were trying to communicate a different message:

For the love of all things holy, remember that I earn a modest living.

I prayed to God that she wasn’t hypnotized by the glitz and glamour of the place.

“I’d quite like to that glass of Chardonnay, Steve.”
“I knew that Ma’am had the taste to match her elegance! Would you like the vintage 2016 or the imported Spanish autumn? If I could, may I recommend the Naples select, cultivated from the best grapes Naples has to offer and kept in room temperature to preserve its warm, distinct taste?”
“Oooh, that sounds nice!”
“Excellent choice Ma’am…”


“Anything for you, Sir?”
“Glass of water with ice, thanks”
“…Coming right up.”

And with a dashing smile, Steve gave a bow of acknowledgement and left to fetch our drinks, leaving us to chat.

The night had just begun but with all the money I had already spent (and possibly more to come), I was already concerned if my wallet would see the end of it. Five minutes hadn’t even passed and Steve was back with our drinks (and more bullshit).

“Here you go Ma’am. I don’t know if you noticed but I asked the manager to increase the temperature of the air conditioner by a couple of degrees to get the Chardonnay to its perfect consumption temperature and he kindly obliged.”

Man, this guy is good…

“And here’s your glass of water Sir. Have you guys decided on what you want to order?”
“Yes, I’ll have the Azzola Meazza please Steve.”
“Excellent Ma’am. May I recommend a side of freshly baked garlic bread and a bowl of delicious vegetable soup to go with the Azzola?”
“Sure, why not?”

I flew through the menu trying to find this Azzola and (more importantly), how much it cost.
Fucking hell…

“And what can I get for you Sir?”
“Just the seafood special, thanks.”
“May I recommend a side of-”
“No thanks man, just the special.”
“Ok, your food will take roughly forty minutes but I’ll bring it as soon as it’s done. If you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Steve gave us (and my wallet) some breathing space which allowed us to enjoy one another’s company. I may have grumbled a bit about the place and its prices but looking into her eyes and talking to her without some salesman waiter trying to get her to order everything reminded me of why I went through all the trouble of getting this reservation. Her optimism, liveliness and warm were everything I needed in my life. Before her, I was a miserable bastard but she came and changed everything.

Just sitting there with her was-

“Here’s your food Ma’am. I hope you enjoy”

He’s back.

“Thanks Steve”
“My apologies sir, your platter will be taking longer than expected. May I get you a drink while you wait?”
“No thanks, Steve.”
“Well then, I’ll leave you two to it.”

As Steve headed back, the madam and I attempted to resume our conversation but…godammn, the food smelt heavenly. I didn’t realize how hungry I was and it came to haunt me.

I really tried to maintain my cool but that succulent smell kept invading my nostrils and drove my sense of smell wild which in turn drove me mad. My eyes narrowed their focus to the plate of food that the missus was handling; my ears tuned everything out and in its place came white noise.

Man, where the hell is my plate?

In a desperate attempt to get something besides water into my stomach, I tried to trick the madam into sharing her food.

“So…how’s the food?”
“It’s marvelous; you really should’ve ordered this babe”
“…Really? Let me have a taste.”
“I’m the one paying, at least let me see if it’s worth the money.”
“Ha, nice try!”


She kept droning on about something but I wasn’t really paying attention. All I could think about was the contents of her plate entering my mouth and letting my taste buds having their way with the food, discovering and exploring each and every flavor before swallowing and satisfying my hunger.

“Looks like Steve’s coming this-”

I turned my head with such speed that I pulled a muscle but it didn’t matter and sure enough, Steve was headed our way but his hands were empty.

Lord, don’t tell me…

“I’m terribly sorry Sir, our chef is still working on your order but rest assured, it will be worth the wait.”

There wasn’t much I could’ve done so with no other choice, I just sat there and passed time just talking with the woman.

Another twenty or so minutes passed and I was beginning to get agitated. I had drunk far beyond the required litres of water a day a person should drink and there was only so much that water could do but as if God knew I couldn’t take anymore, hope was given to me.

The doors leading to the kitchen parted to reveal a luminous background and as if he was holding the stone tablets that had the Ten Commandments sculpted on, out came Steve holding a plate with what looked like a seafood platter.

Lord please.

I had my doubts but when I our eyes locked, my heart filled with joy which manifested with my lips growing in size, forming a smile.

Thank you Jesus!

The good man walked with poise while handling the result of my prayers and with the ceiling lights illuminating upon him Steve looked like a deity figure.

Saint Steven.

He carefully put down the plate of food and I was immediately taken in by the different aromas dancing around. I just sat there admiring the work of art which lay before me.

“Once again Sir, let me apologise for the delay. I hope you’ll enjoy and if you need anything, please let me know.”

No my good sir, let me apologise for ever doubting you.

The longer I admired the platter, the hungrier I got. That hake fillet was begging to be taken so who was I to deny such an invitation?

I picked up my fork and knife, cut off a piece, gave it a couple of dips in some tartar sauce before finally biting in and it tasted…familiar.

Was my mind playing tricks on me? I could’ve sworn I knew this taste from somewhere.
I cut off another piece, gave it a couple of dips and took it in.
My mind wasn’t playing tricks on me. I definitely know this taste from somewhere…

I looked at the missus.

“Taste this and tell me if we haven’t had this before”

She took a bite and confirmed my suspicions.

Determined to solve this mystery, we kept digging into the platter and quizzed ourselves over where we could’ve had this before. While I was into my fourth bite, I was randomly looking around while chewing when I noticed a prominent seafood restaurant.

The realization hit me like a train.

“Motherfucker, this is Ocean Basket!”

Her eyes grew wide at the realization...which led her to burst into laughter at the absurdness of the situation.

These bastards actually did this!

I was furious.

Steve was out here acting like the platter was being prepared by some Michelin star rated chef when he probably just crossed the damn street, ordered a takeaway, threw some chips on a plate and brought it out like it was the greatest platter in the world. What made matters worse was that the manager probably knew and he still jacked up the price.

This sum ol’ bullshit.

PS: To the missus, since you found it so funny, next time I’ll cook in.
We’ll see how much you’ll enjoy that.


Date, Date Night, Dinner For Two, Personal Experience

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author avatar Memba Ben
A fan's view on the business of football.

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