Domestic Voilence in Pakistan- other perspective

Saadia Farooq By Saadia Farooq, 3rd Oct 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Columns & Opinions

Birth of Domestic Violence and who to be blame for it!


It is believed that the first learning institute of a child is his or her mother. Almost fifty percent of personality is developed at first institute. In this context, it won’t be wrong to believe that mother is the major contributor in the personality development of child, be it be a girl or a boy.
In other words, Children can be defined as the shadow of their mothers. Here shadow refers to intangible traits such as personalities, attitudes, concretes and concepts and ideas, ideologies, etc. Violence is like a small dark spot, present in the every person. Mother who nourishes her newborn decides how much boost this dark spot needs. Mindful mothers leaves this dark spot benign which carving the personality of the baby. While doing research on this topic, I came across infinite number of articles on domestic violence in Pakistan that clearly showed strong co-relation between domestic violence and women. The relation was not of catalyst or suppressor of violence but as the victim of domestic violence.
There was not even a single article highlighting the other shades of domestic violence.
Well the question arises is, what actually is domestic violence? The Department of Justice, United States on their website defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.
Well in Pakistani context definition of Domestic violence can be précised to physical assaults in major and psychological torture as minor. Pakistan is male dominated society and I am not denying the fact that the various surveys in past many years have proved, that the major victim of domestic violence in Pakistan are women. Yes, it indeed is a big worrisome issue in Pakistan. But if we analyze the issue fairly the victims of domestic abuse can be either husband or wife. It’s just that we simply over look the psychological torture men undergo; leading to the physical assault on women.
In a family if man is shallow and mentally insecure he may find his pleasure in torturing his wife. While talking to the lady who belongs to the a well settled feudal family of Multan and is silently absorbing all the emotional and physical torture; shared that her husband once tried to even swap her with someone’s else wife. The reason according to her is his insecurity and being less educated than his wife and at times it’s his own conscious which made him restless and wild drunk sadist. She is well aware of her rights, but still is not willing to let him go off her life. Reasons are obvious she can’t afford living as single mother at this age and she can’t afford to keep up with her lifestyle without the financial support of her husband who just got married to a girl younger than his own daughters. From her story; general reason of becoming a target of domestic violence is dependency.
While taking the perspective of domination i.e. men; many well educated women also torture their husbands emotionally and bring them to breakdown points where they burst once and that one time is worse than the slow processed emotional violence being given by wives for years. Adding men’s perspective here; 55 years old man who is a working as General Surgeon in the local hospital; states that nothing in this world is without reaction, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Man is stronger than a woman just physically but not emotionally. When a woman keep itching complains and problems and her bad fortune of getting married to a man who has failed to come up to her expectations (mainly finance) and how happy she was with her parents, man at times break and that’s not just bad but also dangerous.
Besides the opinions of both male and female, why I consider women responsible for domestic violence is that when she has suffered in her life with the issues; why she still discriminates while grooming her children. In Pakistan domestic violence takes birth when the third party gets involved in a relationship. Mostly mothers of either of the partners and sister in laws are observed as the party trying to control the relationship of husband and wife. If a mother teaches her son not to raise his voice on his wife and take care of her, instead of reminding him of the pain of giving birth to him, things may get better. Unfortunately there always is a woman behind the misery of another woman. And men are used as the weapon by both sides. Mother insists her innocent poor boy should be served well by the wife or wishes to have a grandson instead of granddaughter, dowries, desire to rule the house the way she has seen her mother in law did in her time, make this vicious cycle go on.
As Napoleon Bonaparte said; “Give me good mothers and I will give you a good nation”. The solution of this issue is resting right in the core of this statement. Good mothers do not refer to elite breed but educated and literate mothers. Who will take the role of mentor, mother, and support for partner and negotiator of peace. What actually can fix this world’s oldest trend is tolerance and education. Both need to be developed in its right form. As education develops the human capacity to tolerate, absorb and let go. Another solution can be promotion of nuclear family system. Where role of partners are well defined and self administered. It leads to mutual respect.


Domestic Abuse, Domestic Abuse Story, Domestic Trials, Domestic Violence, Social Issues, Taboo

Meet the author

author avatar Saadia Farooq
Student from the city of Saints residing in the heart of Pakistan. I hav been writing on the topics of media , journalism, international affairs, cultures,

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
11th Oct 2014 (#)

A Cheating woman in the muslim community is normally stoned to death and that is termed as public violence.
None the less, many cases have their women walking in front in a mine field wherein if she were to blow up they would know they are safe.
Similar thing in patriarchal India although some of it is changing now.
There are other triggers like psychological, emotion, alcohol which is harami in the islamic society, cheating in the men, control etc. that cause domestic violence. It is not necessarily physical wherein hitting may not occur.

Its all dependent on the upbringing.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
12th Oct 2014 (#)

It was the case in India but has changed over the last generation. Women are more assertive and also influence decision making. They are equal partners especially in educated families. I have seen educated couples from Pakistan are likewise though women are not given space in the country to play a meaningful role - siva

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