Engines On, Let’s Ride; How To Stroke Your Man’s Libido Without Stroking His….

Violet Ivy By Violet Ivy, 31st May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1g17k0es/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Sexuality & Gender

Simply put, men usually take a shorter time to heat-up, grow erect, get ready for sex, (in fact they are almost always ready for sex or at least friction), than we women. It’s just a simple fact of life. So how do we heat him up without making him go over the boil?

Look, I didn’t make men the way they are sexually, but they certainly are that way.

Simply put, men usually take a shorter time to heat-up, grow erect, get ready for sex, (in fact they are almost always ready for sex or at least friction), than we women. It’s just a simple fact of life. Your man’s naughty parts are mainly on the outside of his body, highly susceptible to the lightest breeze, brush against, even look-over. Whereas, our pink bits are folded-in and away until sufficiently engaged to un-bud with the trilling of bird song and a sigh of lavender. What, you don’t hear bird song and smell lavender when you spread your legs?
Also, hard and hot wired into every guy’s DNA is the biological imperative to spread his seed far and wide. The hetero male is always looking, even if they are not doing anything about it, because biologically speaking if one is manufacturing a daily load of sperm, those tadpoles want to get up, out and enjoy the town. The penis really almost does have a mind of its own and often convinces the body to do its bidding!
Whatever or why, when it comes to who heats up more quickly and wants to get their gear off, men win hands down.
Given the above, unless a man relishes being quick on the draw, forever humping the knee dog-like of every woman he finds attractive then that man needs to learn how to approach women slowly and more precisely then he would for his own sexual stimulation. Thus foreplay was born. Conversely, women simply know where to go, how to go and when to when they want to get their guy ready. It really takes very little as we all know.
But what of those times you don’t necessarily want or even can ‘engage’ him in the usual manner? Sure, unzipping his fly, raising your eyebrow and licking your lips is sure to get to your dude excited. Practically any straight dude to tell you the truth. But there are other ways to ready a man for a sexual encounter and better ways also to see you both enjoy a longer, or at least more satisfying time to come, pardon the pun. I have nothing against a quickie. There are times with a guy that that’s all I want in fact. But I know from experience that a woman can stroke her man’s libido without stroking his private parts, at least initially. And that approaching a man’s sexual responses in the fashions I illustrate below will see better love making for both of you. Read on…

First, get the clock off your back

As good ole’ Dr. Suess says: “How did it get so late so soon?” When it comes to too many of our sexual encounters, towels are being offered, clothes are gathered and the car is put into gear well before we even realize it. Sure, the after-cuddle is great if you have time for it and most of us like another go-round, but for the most part a sexual encounter can breeze by us if we’re not lucky. It’s as much that we’re having a grand old time as it can be that two partners are all too heated and climax all too quickly…although sometimes that’s not such a bad thing. But when rushed to get to it, or rushing yourself past each morsel, generally the sex is not going to be as good as if/when you can take your time and not be concerned with deadlines.
So throw that clock out the window, figuratively speaking, when making that first stab at engaging your man’s libido. Men, as they will readily admit, are creatures of functionality. They think in straight lines. Give a man a goal and a constrained amount of time to reach that goal and he’ll do what he can to complete a task quickly, whether it’s cleaning the drainpipe inside or out (if you know what I mean…wink wink). Who wants the old bed post spin and tickle with a sense of urgency? Cooking him a nice dinner, just hanging around, etc. builds anticipation, (always a good thing for imminent sex), and makes the man feel less like he has a task to accomplish, or even have to get to at all.
When you want to heat your man, put the burner on a low simmer not the high flame and don’t set your timer.

Step away from the crotch.

I don’t really have to draw you a map of the male erogenous landscape do I? You know as well as I do where to place your hand or lips, your overall attention for the maximum and quickest gain, right? But how about tending to spots farther afield? We all know what’s bound to happen when your hand, eyes, face go to his zipper. You want that blue steel immediate result? Then yes unzip, brush against, look down. But I point out there are plenty of places to tickle and touch your man, to lick or kiss that will bring a heated response, probably even an erection even if you’re not touching his crotch.
Think about your peaks and valleys. The less obvious places that get you moist. For instance, do you like your hand held? Does it bring you a jolt of electricity when your man rubs your feet? Do you like a pat on the ass or the nuzzle of his lips on the nape of your neck? While I’m not suggesting the exact reciprocation for what you might do for/to/with your guy, think along the same lines. He’ll respond to slight but pointed physical attention just like you will. He’ll certainly enjoy an expected, soft touch. He’ll ache for a kiss here and there, when those here and there places aren’t specifically any place naughty even. Sure you might get to nuzzle, tickle or brush across a naughty spot sooner or later, I‘m just saying you don’t need to, at least at first, because like you, your guy is bound to respond to the attention you give to non-specific erogenous zones across his face and body.
Notice that this will not be the first word of advice I give you where I suggest: “What do you like? Apply it to your man.” The second we disengage ourselves from a RTG (rushing to genitals) concept, we start to see that our guy will respond to soft, playful and well meant physical sensations not specifically aimed at his crotch, very much like we do.

Get into his head…but don’t play with it.

Every woman I have ever met (me included) has made the mistake of assuming they have infinite control of a man with her girly parts. Too many of us have thought if we just include cleavage, booty or the promise of soon-to-be humping into the mix we’ll be able to keep a guy on the hook. Yes, it’s true, because of the afore mentioned ready to go nature of male sexual responses guys can be/often are lead by their erections, but I warn you here and now, if you play at leading a guy on for too long, try to get him to do your bidding by dangling the pooty before him at regular intervals with no intention of coming across that man will tire of sexual game playing.
So when I advise getting into your guy’s head, I mean being sexy and playful, not manipulative. In the end remember: a man has his hand and will go to it at any provocation. And when you go too far, as we all eventually will when playing our sex games too ardently, you might not readily see your man returning with so much vigor…or returning at all.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
But you can entice, excite and otherwise engage your guy by appealing to his thoughts and fantasies as much as you can by kissing his earlobe or wearing something low cut. Tease and build anticipation by whispering what you’re thinking of doing to/with/around/for your guy or to yourself when you eventually get him alone. Surely, it’s not a good idea to offer scenarios you have no intention of making real, but you can certainly build excitement for you and your dude by describing in colorful detail, even in a text if you like, something you want to do to him in bed or something you’d like done. If you’ve already had sex, remind him of that which has past. Picking-up an outfit for the next time he gets your clothes off, then take a quick cell phone pic of what you’re buying and send it to him when he’s at work. Go ahead, show him the DVD package of the porn movie you rented for he and you to watch before you begin to recreate its scenes.
Far and away far from his crotch, or anything actually even physical, we can get our guy’s interest and start the slow burn in him for us by meeting him on a mental sexual level. Yes, men’s physical responses reign supreme during any given second, but don’t forget there is a brain in that noggin’ of his and you can approach him as much mentally as you can physically, if you are sweet, nice and even teasing about doing so…but not manipulative.

Let’s get visual

Why do you think your man responds so well to you dressing-up in lingerie, (and maybe even wanting you to keep pieces of it on even when you and he get down and dirty)? Ever marvel at how hard he can get when you just happen past him innocently showing some upper thigh? Have you made notice of the fact that a guy can get pretty darn transfixed on one body part to the exclusion of all else? It’s not that your guy doesn’t want to get down via Olivia Newton John’s suggestion, but before things get physical for him or even when they do, it’s best to keep or create a good solid visual for your guy. Men are connected to visual stimuli in regard to their sexual responses much more than women (it’s another one of those deeply DNA things from way back). It’s not that we gals don’t enjoy the sight of a bulging bicep, or looking at any number of other bulges, but when it comes to enticing, engaging or simply turning your man’s attention your way, the ole flash of cleavage or the promise of the possibility of maybe seeing the top of your g-string back, is sure to drive your man round the bend or at least heat him up without you having to do much other then show off a piece of yourself here and there.
I would venture to guess that the very best first foray to your man’s libido can be made by simply showing-off or showing some of yourself.
Which brings us to…

To porn or not to porn

This is a sticky wicket of a subject for some couples. We’ve all heard the laments from too many women that their man is spending an inordinate amount of time surfing for and looking at porn. As I just mentioned, men are led by their visual sexual responses more than we are so it’s no wonder they are the predominate audience for porn. But who’s to say what constitutes too much porn watching for a couple? God knows, I like me some good downloaded sex scenes from time to time (and you do too I know) so how might we incorporate porn into heating our man up?
Simply, it’s good to be available to what your guy might want to watch at least some of the time. I’m not saying everything’s going to be to your liking. You don’t have to replace watching your shared “Downton Abbey” marathons with “Going Down on Abbey” but being an amiable porn watching partner time and again will not only see you spending time with your man, (and right after most likely see you enjoying some sex with him), but will assure him that you feel watching porn is ok. You want to turn your guy on without touching old Mr. Happy? Try a little acceptance of his sexual predilections, not scolding him for some of his more aberrant desires, maybe cuddle up next to him to watch a dirty movie or two.

Forgoing the big ‘O’.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all suddenly not know what an orgasm was? Imagine if all sex was simply about getting nice and warm with a partner, blood rushing to engorge, fluids flowing to allow better access, with neither partner all that concentrating on an end result.
The truth of the matter is, engaged in a little roll and tickle, as a guy or a girl, (it’s ok girls you can admit it), gets ever closer to their climax the less their mind is on much else but their climax. As I said before, since a guy’s man parts exist outside his body it’s generally easier for him to approach the launch pad well before his lady even suits up. But when you’re screaming his name, (hopefully his name), you know how you get. Might we all, men and women alike, or either partner teaching the other, amp down on the race to the big checkered O flag finish? In fact, I would venture to say, if we all put a little less emphasis in having to have an orgasm, we will take the pressure off our partner in trying hard to bring us to one. We will be able to season and marinate the full fun roll up to whatever either of us are going to get into or try on the other.
Certainly if you take your guy’s mind away from worrying if he can, will he be able to, are you going to at the same time taking his mind from these concerns for himself, then you’re man is surely going to think about his sexual responses in total, less the 0-60 comin’ at ya, calm down that ‘please, just touch it, please’ way lots of guys approach their intimate times with their women.

Lastly…be the one to initiate.

We all like to believe we are the quintessential evolved hetero couple. We all want to brag how we are going to be the partners who will rise above all the wacky relationship petards. Holding hands with our guy we assure ourselves we will set a new standard for communication, sex and caring. But the truth of the matter is, when you set two people to trying to get along for any long period of time and sprinkle in some sexual congress between them you are going to see fireworks (and don’t think the straight couples have a monopoly on the craziness of getting along, gay guys and girls find just as many dramas).
In the mix and match of our trying to mix and match you’ll find more often than not, the man typically making the pass, prompting for sex, clutching for his girl. I’m not saying this is always the case and the longer a girl knows a guy the more comfortable she becomes in initiating sex or even attempting full tilt seduction. But for the most part in the thrust and parry of hetero intimacy, the man is the one to bring sex to the table more than the woman.
I say if you want to heat your man, turn his head, (and you know which one I mean, silly), keep him sexually enamored with you, then maybe from time to time you need to initiate. Use all of the above in doing so and you won’t even have to touch your man’s crotch until the very last possible moment when setting his wonder rocket free to enter your launch pad. Initiate by wearing that sexy skirt or tank. By cooking his favorite meal and even feeding it to him morsel by morsel. Download that porn movie. Making clear that what’s about to happen is for making you both feel great, whether either of you orgasm or not. Kiss and touch him places he has never expected you to when having sex with him. Engage your guy’s mind with your own, meeting him on that mental level we all so quickly forget when wanting to get physical.
You want him all systems go, then sometimes you have to be the one going there first.
Sure, it might not take all that much to turn a hetero man’s head….no matter which head it be. And yes, pretty much any guy’s going to go where his opportunities lead him…even if where they lead is not best for him. And surely, men are visual creatures stupefied at regular intervals by even the most fleeting flash of flesh…for the most part no matter who’s just as long as it is female. But there are ways to begin the launch sequence on a man’s interest long before there will come the blast off and these ways don’t have to include offering up a threesome with your B.F.F.
Your guy is fully aware of how rip roaring ready to go he always is. He need not be reminded of how horny he finds himself all the time as much as his manhood should be celebrated in as creative a way you know how. He might seem like he wants to you touch him there and only there, and lots of times he does, but your guy also knows how much fun the build up and anticipation, the roll and seduction, the metering-out time and finesse can be. You and he will be surprised how much more you get out of your sex by simply stroking your man’s libido without stroking his….


Oral, Oral Sex, Sex, Sexual, Sexual Activity, Sexual Attitudes, Sexual Attraction, Sexual Behavior, Sexual Desire, Sexual Experience, Sexual Intercourse, Sexual Life, Sexuality, Sexually Experienced

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author avatar Violet Ivy
Elite, international escort and author. Sex & fetish stories, advice and adventures shared.

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author avatar Retired
31st May 2013 (#)

This was a fabulous read and I loved this so much for its informative and education value. You bring in rich experience and theory together to set women free to enjoy. Congrats ofn a fantastic page.

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author avatar Violet Ivy
31st May 2013 (#)

You are very kind.
I have a website if you would like to read more of my articles.
Violet xxx

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author avatar Retired
31st May 2013 (#)

will violet for sure

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
31st May 2013 (#)

Well with my man, in good times, I just needed to eye gesture and he knew what was happening next, kids or or no kids.
Apart from that its just the appeal that makes the call and his body just knows when its ready to accept the overture. I didn't have to do a thing just look sometimes move a strand off face and smile. That is all that it takes if you are in tune with the other person. Its just happens when you need it and want it....

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author avatar Violet Ivy
24th Jun 2013 (#)

Men have a naturally higher libido than most women. The right eye contact is usually all it takes for them to make a move.
I love men lol
Vi xxx

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