Felipe Moore - Chapter Twenty-Five

Kingwell By Kingwell, 18th Apr 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1f2f3yme/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>General Fiction

Felipe considers pretending that he has feelings for Mona in the hope that it might develop into the real thing.

Satisfied with friendship

Mona knew that she was an attractive girl, though her self-esteem had suffered a little at the beginning of her friendship with Felipe. She had wondered at the time, if his total lack of interest was somehow her fault. She soon determined however, that Felipe was either not ready for a relationship with any girl, or was destined to remain an 'old bachelor' like Nathan Collins who, since his mother passed away twelve years ago, had lived alone in the big house out on 'the head'. Nathan conversed only with other men and had no close friends. While giving a nod and a "good day ma'am" to married women when he met them on the road, he would avoid meeting up with an unmarried woman or a widow at almost any cost. Mona had actually been stunned that she felt a twinge of jealousy when Felipe and Anthony had begun spending more time together at school and realized that she had to revisit how she really felt about Felipe. Satisfied that her friendship with Felipe was enough and that she now expected nothing more from the relationship, she set her intentions on finishing school before becoming intimate with any man. Felipe seemed happier than she had seen him since the tragedy with Andrew and she smiled at hearing his laughter when he and Anthony shared a private joke. Their friendship had not changed though Anthony, having gotten over his shyness around Mona, now shared part of the walk home from school in the afternoon. With a cheery "see you tomorrow", the boy took the turn in the road that led to his home as Felipe and Mona continued the rest of the way. They agreed that she would come to Felipe's house at the usual time where they would study for the test coming up next week as well as working on tonight's homework.

The Curse

While Felipe sensed an attraction to Anthony that he had not felt since the time spent with Andrew in Harbour Duffet, he was nevertheless shocked one afternoon to find himself day dreaming of holding hands with the boy as they walked home from school! Once more he felt the anger rise within him as he cursed God and dammed himself under his breath. For a brief second the face of Andrew flashed before him - the same Andrew who had come to him in the vision or dream. His departed friend was smiling and Felipe knew that he was being told to relax, that there was nothing wrong with him having such feeling for Anthony and that someday he would understand. For a split second he wanted to believe this, the mere thought of holding hands with Anthony had sent thrills through his body that he had never known before and more than anything, he wanted for it to be real. He was brought back to reality by the knowledge that he had never heard of such a thing! Why did he not have these feeling for Mona? He was a boy and she a girl-and wasn't that the way it was supposed to be? Try as he might however, Felipe knew that although he liked Mona and she was a good friend the physical attraction just wasn't there. He thought back to the days spent in Harbour Duffet, the previous summer, and although he remembered the other boys whispering about how beautiful some of the girls were, he had eyes only for Andrew. Why was he alone chosen to bear such a curse?

Felipe longs for something more.

As Mona and Felipe studied together that night the thought occurred to him that perhaps if he pretended to have feelings for Mona, it might eventually become the real thing. He had never kissed a girl and could not remember a time when he wanted to, but was it possible to change? He knew the answer even before the thought was complete. If Anthony had suddenly walked through the door, he knew that Mona would be forgotten in an instant as his heart rate increased and his teenage hormones kicked in at the mere sight of this boy! True it was not unusual in his culture for young men to walk the road together at night, even to sleep over at each others houses, where they almost always shared the same bed, but all were expected to find a girlfriend and get married in their mid to late twenties. There were of course, some men and even some women who did not marry, although a woman was thought to need a man to support her. Felipe had an uncle, one of his father's nine brothers, who had remained a bachelor all of his life until he died at the age of sixty-three. Except for the horseplay among young teenage boys, which everyone seemed to consider quite natural, there was no thought of sex in any form, except between husband and wife. His older brothers, who had all been 'one of the crowd' in their age group might have known differently but Felipe had remained aloof from his peers and felt certain that most couples remained virgins until they married. He knew that he and Anthony could share a close friendship and hang out together, until he finished school and left home, without anyone thinking it unusual. Maybe, it was because he knew that he was different that Felipe longed for something more. He felt that he had to prove himself a man, not the weird creature he knew existed within him. Would he feel better if he had a girlfriend? Would others be more accepting of him? Would he be treated as a grown-up by others in the community?

Felipe comes to his senses.

Walking Mona home that night, Felipe realized that he had no idea as to how to begin a boy-girl relationship, and so the night ended as had all the others although Mona, since they had become very relaxed with each other, might have thought him strangely quiet. Back home as he lay awake trying to come to terms with his thoughts, he suddenly realized that he had taken it for granted that Mona would say yes if he asked to be her boyfriend! He, above all others, he who had always thought that he was somehow less than others - had assumed that a girl would jump at the chance to go out with him! He stifled a laugh as he thought of the absurdity of the whole thing. Felipe became more serious as he thought of how he had also left Mona's feelings out of the whole equation! Suppose she had agreed to go out with him and the whole thing had fallen through as he expected it would! What if she had fallen madly in love with him and he had no more feelings for her than he had right now! What kind of horrible person was he anyway? He had been going to use one of his best friends as a guinea pig. Certainly it would not be fair to marry any woman that he did not love and deep down he already knew that he could never love a woman! Felipe breathed a sigh of relief that he had come to his senses before any harm had been done. In the years that followed he would have cause to remember that night again and give thanks.
To be continued - See Chapter Twenty-Six
Read from the beginning - See Chapter one

Tags

A Boy-Girl Relationship, Attractive Girl, Brothers, Curse, Dream, Feelings, Give Thanks, Jealous, Kingwell, Old Bachelor, One Of The Crowd, Self-Esteem, Virgins

Meet the author

author avatar Kingwell
I am 75 years old and retired.I like writing short stories, poetry as well other articles of interest.

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Comments

author avatar cnwriter..carolina
19th Apr 2014 (#)

well done again...

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author avatar Kingwell
21st Apr 2014 (#)

Thanks carolina

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
20th Apr 2014 (#)

I'm glad he came to his senses -- for now... :)

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author avatar Kingwell
21st Apr 2014 (#)

Thanks Phyl - it's a mistake that's been made too often.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
22nd Apr 2014 (#)

Interesting journey of Felipe that is not unusual for a teenager with mixed feelings. Felipe is able to correctly analyze the consequences of his actions to Mona so as not to mislead her - siva

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author avatar Kingwell
22nd Apr 2014 (#)

Thank you Siva. Happy to see you still following.

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author avatar Delicia Powers
14th May 2014 (#)

Very mature decision in his young life....so much inner turmoil...

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author avatar Kingwell
15th May 2014 (#)

Thank you friend. It is sad that many people have to hide who they really are because others can't accept them.

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