Five Days In Hell

Charles Burkhe By Charles Burkhe, 27th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/27b2-wa5/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

A creative nonfiction piece which it took me a long time to write. Now that it's down on paper it's easier to let go, so I'm posting it here.

Hell

Its Thursday night when it happens, and then in the early hours of Friday when I arrive. I’m asked questions, I give honest answers, glad it’s over. I retell the same story, something I will get used to doing in the coming days. While I’m still in Limbo I wait in a room. My satan comes to me and tells me no hard feelings. I’m still shaken up by everything. The first demon I see came via overdose on pills. This is when I first learn that overdosing doesn’t mean dying. I’ll meet more demons like this. She’s talking to the guards. She’s older than I am, but she’s friendly. She’s been here longer. I get into a vehicle and two people take me to a new building. The seat under me is like cold dead flesh. This building will become my prison, my Hell.
It’s early in the morning, still dark outside. I exchange words with a lesser guard. I try to not cry, I think I’m all out of tears anyway. My vitals are taken, and I’m brought to a room with couches and tables. My mother’s there. I find more tears as I hug her. She looks very pale, very sad. There’s still blood on her shirt and the smell of it is on her. After many tears I have to leave the room. I’m given a pill, I take it without any complaint. I’m brought to my room. My roommate is asleep and I go past his bed to mine. It’s next to a window which has curtains drawn over it. I fall fast asleep. The next morning the guards let me sleep in, it’ll be the last time they allow me to do this, but I’m thankful for it all the same. I’m taken to a group session. It’s here that I meet most of the demons.
We all talk, an older demon is leaving today, it’s his last day as a youth, he’s turning 18. He’s here because of drugs and fighting. He’s to go someplace else. The place where the first demon I met resides. As a group we go to the cafeteria. We’re served food that’s been pre-selected. We’re given menus to select food for the next day. I talk to more demons. We are like veterans swapping war stories. Some are in for what they’ve done to themselves, some for what they did to others. The ages range from 17 to maybe 10 or 12. Some have been here a while, some have been here before. In here there is no reason to lie, we are what we are inside. We are the demons of our minds.
There is a demon here with child in her, there are people of different races. Race doesn’t matter here. I learn that my roommate is mentally handicapped. We go to the day room and some of us play. I talk to more demons. We share stories, they are friendly. I don’t want to make too many friends, I hope I can get out soon. I get to go see the head devil. I try my best to act sane. I ask when I can leave.
“We’ll keep you through the weekend at least.”
They are the most horrifying words I have ever heard.
I go to the bathroom in my room, I notice shit stains on the shower curtain, some on the floor. I wish I had a different roommate. We eat dinner. There’s a movie playing, but I don’t pay attention. Some new demons have arrived. Brothers who checked themselves in. I begin to socialize more, now aware that I’ll be here for longer than I’d thought. We take our pills and go to bed. The mattress is hard and uncomfortable. I cry a little, then I sleep.
The next day I’m woken up. We eat breakfast, then go to a group session and talk. I learn more about the brothers. Everybody’s nice. We move in a unit through the rest of the day. Eat together, play together, eat again together, and then we take our pills and go to our rooms. I will later learn that the pills we are being given are heavy duty tranquilizers which act as anti-psychotics. I will feel kind of badass for having been put on anti-psychotics, whatever that says about American culture.
I wake up the next morning and see that my roommate has his dick out and is masturbating. Good for him I think. Eventually he leaves. I get up and leave too. We eat breakfast, we have group. There’s a new demon. She tried to kill herself. In the day room my roommate shits himself. I don’t see him again till nighttime, when he’s already asleep. At lunch I learn that the pregnant demon attempted to hurt herself, and she is now restrained. Her screams keep me up at night until the pill overpowers that.
The next day visitors are allowed again. I see my mom. She looks better, no more blood. We talk for as long as we can. I notice my roommate is on the other side of the visiting room. He’s with a parent and his sister. I check out his sister. There’s no honor among demons. I briefly wonder if the reason he’s in here is because he went into a rage and hit his sister, if she’s crying seeing him like this, torn between hate and love, fear and forgiveness. That night I do what I didn’t think was possible with such sorrow in my heart- while in the shower I jerk off thinking about my roommates sister.
Tuesday, glorious Tuesday. I’m told I’ll be leaving the next day, but first us Demons are allowed some time outside. It’s a fenced in area with vines creeping up all around the edges. I’ve never been much for the outdoors, and I wasn’t then, but that breath of fresh air was like Heaven. Feeling the sun on my skin, rather than fluorescent lights, it was all so amazing. Going back inside was the epitome of depression.
Wednesday and I can leave. I know my life will never be the same as before, my world has been irrevocably changed. I will stay with family in another state until I have to come back. But I will hold these memories forever. I will never forget my five days in Hell.

Tags

Dark, Hell, Past, Past Experiences, Past Memories, Recovery, Release, True

Meet the author

author avatar Charles Burkhe
Will be posting previously written short stories, and eventually pieces written for this site.

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author avatar Katheryn
27th May 2013 (#)

This was a very deep full of emotion we can feel your pain and anguish-Hope you never have to go back there.

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