Her darkest moments

DahDee By DahDee, 10th Jan 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Drama

A story about fear
When a young woman realizes that her life might not be as simple as she thought


She clutched at the door handle again. She had to walk out of the bathroom and fake a smile for a few more hours. Everything was beyond her control but there was nothing she could do. For a few hours of pleasure, she was stuck with chills and tears. "Poor me," she thought to herself while stepping out of the room with a big smile. She beckoned her friend to follow her out of the washrooms and as she passed by the mirror, she took a quick glance at her image. Was it showing?
The past few days had been hell. She had never been this late. All the blogs seemed to point to a reason she didn't want to consider. That would tear her life apart. She hoped, cried and hoped again. It felt terribly wrong to pray as she was sure it was her fault. She felt people's eyes on her. This was hard.
She couldn't get herself to walk up to the drug store and buy the kit. What if it tested positive? How would she conceal it for nine months? To begin with, that would end her relationship with her boyfriend. Instead, she relied on online tests and it became an obsession. If the blog spoke of fatigue, she got more tired. If it spoke of stress, she reasoned that was why she was late. Somewhere in deep, she knew something had changed for good. The exam period was making it worse. She was afraid that if she was expectant she would lose the concentration she had cultivated for studying. That might have been the case yet she knew that it was just a way of procrastination.
Five days and her period was still a no show. She was seated on the floor watching 'Baby Daddy' while making jokes of the situation of the main character. She keenly watched the fiction before her and considered learning from it. The diaper changing, the food, the rules.....no!This could not be the case. She had done everything by the book, everything! That is of course apart from abstain.
She had tried confiding in a friend about her situation. The problem was that this friend had expected her to be single since he was hanging on a thread of hope of a relationship. He had got incensed especially since they had shared a passionate kiss more than once. Sensing the danger of losing someone she could always fall back on, she had pretended that it was a joke and things were back to normal. That left nobody to talk to.
Monday morning,seven days late, she had to do it. Her exam would end in the afternoon and after that she would take the test. She felt sick that morning in the car when she inhaled people's perfumes,she felt even sicker when crossing the street and inhaled exhaust fumes. By the time she got to school, she was a nervous wreck. She dashed to the washrooms and took many deep breaths then straightened her hair. It would go on, life would be okay. That is if she was not killed in cold blood by her mother.
That afternoon as she walked towards the upper side of the city in a frantic effort to find a sparsely populated clinic, she reflected back on her relationship with her family. They would be disappointed. Nobody ever mentioned babies. It was like an unspoken taboo. Her mother had not given her the talk,ever. In a moment of sisterhood, her elder sibling had let on that the best option was protection. That had been a few months back while she was still ignorant f the pleasures of sex. In this light, she had retorted that the best option was abstinence. Her sister, the wiser, had laughed lightly at this and muttered that she knew a pregnant woman that had held the same belief. Present day, her sister was right. She had actually followed her sister's advice, used two kinds actually. The rubber and the pill. One of the two had betrayed her trust.
Finally,she got to a clinic that had one customer and three pharmacists. She pulled out her phone and showed one pharmacist her cycle calendar. Indicating the days of significant activity that could have led to this situation, she waited for the pharmacist to suggest anything but the kit. Unfortunately, the medical practitioner went straight for the kill. The test was quite simple, a pee and a dip. The simplicity nagged at her. Why should it be so simple? The line was one, which translated to negative , that meant no baby. Her heart stopped beating, relief and disappointment merged into a feeling of nothing. She paid up and walked out feeling confused.The instructions were simple, she was to wait three days and her period would come naturally. She was also informed that the e pill was a drastic mistake on her part.
Tuesday morning. She was free the whole day, it felt good. Having spent some time convincing her boyfriend , he was traveling to see her on Friday. That was good, she had until then to await the period, she missed it.
Friday morning, she awoke with a start. She would be late for school. This did not seem to matter as much as when she yanked off her underwear and found no blood. It was disappointing and the worry started building up. Had she read the test wrong? She had heard of such cases. After a few breaths, she convinced herself that all was well and she left for school. On her way, she could only think of one thing. What was happening inside her?


Fear, Fear Of The Unknown

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author avatar DahDee
i am a young writer, eager to share my stories

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