Horns and Hooves

Memba Ben By Memba Ben, 7th Jul 2017 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2ecb1mbv/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Humor

A true story of how my curiosity almost got me trampled to death. Word of advice, when they say don't disturb the animals at a zoo or a nature reserve; please follow the instructions.

The day I took an L against nature

I’m a huge fan of the outdoors. The opportunity it holds to explore new things appeals to me so every time I get the luck of having a free day, I just make it a point to go to a nearby nature reserve and spend the entire day hiking or just spend the day walking around for hours and taking random photos.

One day, I found out there was a nearby nature reserve that I hadn’t been to so during one uneventful Saturday, I made my way to the reserve and spent practically the whole day just enjoying the environment.

However, despite having a good time, the day didn’t pass without any mishaps…

There I was, enjoying a leisurely walk through the reserve, taking pictures with my old school ten megapixel camera like I’m some amateur photographer when I happened to come across a fawn and a doe. For some reason, my idiotic self suddenly had delusions of grandeur of me becoming a Sony World Photographer Award winner and that led me to try and take a pic of the duo.

As I was creeping up towards them, I think I must’ve made a noise and startled them because the next thing I knew, they were running away. Determined to get my award winning shot, I abandoned common sense and bolted after them.

I wholeheartedly believed that if I could get such a heartwarming image, it would propel me to photography superstardom (yes I know, I’m an idiot).

My curiosity nearly gets me killed.

The mother and her fawn finally stopped at some bushy enclosure which I presumed to be their hideout and that gave me the opportunity to prepare to get my “award winning” shot. However, while I was looking through the camera, waiting for the autofocus to do its job, I noticed that a band of five male antelope were coming into the picture.

As that happened, I think I must have had the world’s largest shit eating grin on. I think I must’ve imagined myself as some National Geographic photographer and with the delusions and self-deceptions running rampant, I started clicking away.

But with every shot, I noticed something.

Muthafuckas.
Were.
Coming.
Closer.

I’m not entirely sure if it was the camera’s flash or my presence that got them agitated and triggered that response, but the next thing I knew; when I looked up to see just what the hell was going on, this herd of antelope were charging towards me!

Now, I like to think of myself as a brave guy. I mean, I’ve been shot at, had knives swung at me and have countless brawls under my belt.

But to quote Starscream:

“…sometimes, cowards do survive.”

When I saw that death cloud of hooves and horns, I knew that my bravery had to go into my back pocket. I'm sorry but there was no way in hell I was going to go down as the guy who got killed by a pack of herbivores. I mean, I can make peace with dying at the hands of a lion, or tiger, leopard or even a bear. I can accept that.

But an antelope?

Nah man, fuck that.

I knew I had to get away from that approaching doom.

So, I ran.

Being humbled.

Have you ever seen a chase scene where the hero and his group are hilariously being chased down by some monster/group or something to that effect?

Well,I was living that.

Except I wasn’t running in a cool manner like Tom Cruise.

Nope, I was running hard. Teeth gritted in determination, arms swinging wildly and sweat cascading from my head.

Granted, it probably wasn’t the prettiest sight you’ll ever see but I didn’t care how I looked, I was just focused on running.

It was a run with only one goal:

Survival.

I set land speed records getting away from those fuckers. To this day, I’m adamant that had there been an Olympic timekeeper around, he would’ve verified that I broke a world record.

Thank God there were no people around at the time because looking back, that must’ve been the funniest shit to see. But while there might have been no one around to witness my shame and even though I like to pretend that day never happened, in my heart of hearts I know and will forever live with the shame..

I was ran off by a herd of deer.

Tags

Funny Experience, Funny Experiences, Funny Stories, True Story

Meet the author

author avatar Memba Ben
A fan's view on the business of football.

The blog is up and running good people! For more content, head to:
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