I am bisexual and married with children, and I am proud to be me.

Butterfly38 By Butterfly38, 8th Jun 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Sexuality & Gender

I knew I liked men and women from an early age. My attraction to both was very strong from around 11 years old and it has stayed ever since. I only realized that I could identify as bisexual when I got in to my early 20's and my attraction turned into sexual and stronger feelings for both. I am married and I have children, but I am proud of who I am. There is so much taboo on this subject

Accepting my sexuality

This was difficult to begin with, given the fact that in my early years a young girl had sexually abused me at school and again in my adult life. I only came out just before I got married, and I told both my husband and my parents. The reaction from my husband was great, he was very humoured by it too and we laugh and eye up women together which is fun. My parent's accepted it after a while, but they were a little shocked. My eldest son knows, but doesn't understand it fully yet, my eldest daughter knows, but the younger children have not been told yet.

I enjoy the company and affection from other women, but being bisexual and married does not mean sex with other women or threesomes!

I often get asked 'how do you stay faithful?' and 'Do you do threesomes?' These are myths surrounding my sexuality, not every one who is bisexual wants a threesome, and a bisexual person can be faithful whether she/he is committed to a female or a male. We can love just like normal people, it is about being able to control the attraction and not being ashamed when you or your partner finds you or he has an attraction for someone from the opposite sex or same sex. My friendships are actually rather rich because of it, and its flattering, especially when I like a woman my man likes or he likes a woman I like. He is heterosexual, and his attraction to women is normal.

Being honest with my other half.

If I find I am strongly attracted to a female, I tell my partner, who truly does take it well. Last time I did this, the response was 'have you kissed her yet.....can I watch!' I often respond with 'feel free!' Neither of us see this as being unfaithful. We have boundaries on sex, but we both enjoy the fun of the attraction and control is everything. There have been times when we have both ended up flirting with the same woman together, which some women have found flattering, not to say amusing! We both enjoy the nature of my sexuality and we are very confident with each other

The children

Only 2 of the older children know about my sexuality, this is because one has a learning disability which prevents him from understanding the nature of my sexuality, so we need to wait a while before telling him, and we will do that with a professional who can help him understand it.

The 2 who know, have accepted it, though they don't fully understand yet. If I'm asked questions, I will freely answer them. I do not think it does any good as a parent to cover up my sexuality, it is a part of me, I am their mum, so by not telling them, they don't know who I really am.

Most of my bisexual friends have children and partners, they are very understanding around this topic and easy to talk to. However I do find some of my heterosexual friends, find it difficult. They are not sexually discriminatory, it is just they are trying to get used to the fact of my sexuality and the nature of my marriage with children.

Where I live

I live in an area which is big on 'gay pride' so I meet many people like me. Places like 'over the rainbow' which is an information center for gays,trans,lesbian and bisexuals are really helpful, and I have found 'Flirt' Café bar has been great for meeting similar people and couples alike.

When I first came out, my confidence was very low as was my self-esteem. Living where I live and meeting others has helped me more than I can say, and just so you don't get the wrong idea, we do not swing couples!

The importance of 'coming out'

Coming out can be very difficult. There are many people who still see bisexuality, gay, lesbian and trans as 'abnormal.' Take it from me, we are not abnormal. We are normal lovable people with a normal orientation, it is just a little hard for some to accept.

However with the help of groups like 'gay pride,' I find it is getting easier for people to accept, although the notion of same sex couples and bisexuals having children is still awkward, however I think that will change in years to come.

It is important to come out, otherwise how are you going to form relationships with people like you? As I said earlier, this was hard for me, but as I found, once you come out, it gets easier and you do start to meet like minded people. So ignore the bullies and be proud of who you are!

People like me do not always wear 'male or female clothing!'

This is another taboo subject! I've met many gays who do not wear make up or girly clothes, many lesbians who do not wear male clothes or have their hair short, and many trans who also do not always run round in heavy make up and stilettos. I have also met a mixture of the above and bisexual females who like hetero's, prefer perfume to aftershave! Sexual orientation does not decide how a person should dress, the person still has a choice, it is about preference. Also contrary to popular belief, some of us do not always wear pink or talk 'gay' as it is rudely put!

I hope I have put some confidence back in to gays, lesbian, bi and trans people

By writing this, I hope I have given people in my community the courage to be themselves and broken some of the taboo on people like myself. In the future I would like the perspective on sexual orientation, marriage and children to change. I believe there are many brilliant parent's out there! It is not the orientation of a person, that makes a good person, or parent, it is the person themselves, and many different oriented people make great parents, it is not just heteros who can parent, we can too!


Self-Esteem, Sexual Attitudes, Sexual Attraction, Sexual Behavior, Sexual Life, Sexuality

Meet the author

author avatar Butterfly38
I have recovered from several illnesses and I will be writing about the effects of these and parenting with mental illness. There will be many other topics that interest me too.

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