I got your back

Memba Ben By Memba Ben, 25th Mar 2017 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/24wev0ni/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

My experience on finding and gaining a support group.

Forming a good support group.

Should you be unfortunate to receive a hard right from life, staying down for the count may seem a more inviting prospect than having to jump right up and face life again but sooner or later, you will have to get up, dust yourself and continue forth.

But no one can do that without people around them to provide love and support.This is what a support system is for. These people are there for you through thick and thin,rain and sunshine. They are the first people you contact when things hit the fan ,and they provide you with the strength to carry on.

However, as good as a support system sounds, it is very rare to find a good one.

It's hard to make new friends once you are in your adult years, especially when there are limited opportunities for meeting people. It also doesn't help that some people have limited social skills and even if/ when you do meet great people, building relationships takes time.

Most people look to their loved ones, or social gatherings or church to make meaningful connections with others, and if you can't make connections there, it really gets challenging.

Sometimes, the people we hope to count on for support during trying times are not that good at being supportive.

In other cases,you'd find that the people you had hoped to have counted on are gone with the wind during the toughest of times, and in OTHER cases, you would find that a couple of poor decisions burned a lot of bridges and a person is forced to be on their own.

When I was younger,I was raised with the belief that people (particularly men) are supposed to be strong and silent so when I ran into issues, I foolishly isolated myself from people I could've leaned on for support, thinking that I would look incapable of handling my own shit (which is ironic,seeing that I actually couldn't handle it)which left me in a place where I found myself in a situation where I had no one to help me.

Because of this belief, I (along with many of my peers) grew up keeping all these issues bottled in and such which made things really bad. We couldn't talk to anyone about such things as we would look weak and lose the respect of our peers and in such a pressure filled environment, respect is everything.

Because of this negative perception, we seek out coping mechanisms (both good and bad) instead of opening communication lines with each other to help deal with these issues, further alienating ourselves from other people.

Folks, that lone ranger shtick is overrated. Despite what the reasons are, everybody needs a group of people to help them through trying times.

But how do you find the people who can give that to you?

Well, because I'm no psychologist and I don't have the answers to life, I'll just have to use pointers that I picked up along the course of my life.

In my case, I was all alone and feeling pretty depressed and sorry for myself. I would just spend days moping around and walking aimlessly about.

One day,while I was doing my usual routine of walking around with no set destination,I found myself wandering into a neighborhood I wasn't familiar with. Whether it was fate or by God's will, I found myself at a kids home called the Samaritan Centre where there were volunteers helping out (they were painting the place)

I just thought to myself that since I have nothing else going on, I might as well go in and see if I could help with anything. Who knows, maybe it could work wonders for my mood.

I walked in,introduced myself and to my surprise,I received the warmest welcome imaginable. The folks working by the place were elated that someone thought to just pop in and help out while the kids were happy that there was someone new to hang out with.

While I was taking this all in, I came to the conclusion that although I had every reason to continue moping around and feeling sorry for myself, in front of me stood an opportunity to start anew and build myself a strong support system. So I met up with the wonderful lady in charge, was upfront and earnest about my situation, and asked her if I could continuously help out at the home, if only to improve my and the kids outlook on life.

The lady agreed and that started my "career" as a volunteer and while it isn't much, it's something I take pride in. I truly believe that volunteering really helped me get out of my shell as it's a great way to meet people and at the same time, you are helping someone out.

The volunteer work was cool but what I mostly gained out of it was the fact that it allowed me to come out of my self imposed isolation. It gave me the opportunity to interact with other people, which in the process, allowed me to build rapport with them,which later turned into friendship, and working with the kids was also a rewarding experience as it opened my eyes to how precious and valuable things such as friends and loved ones are. Today, because of the level of trust that myself and these people share, I can happily open up to them and vice versa.

What I’m poorly trying to say is that the support system people so desperately seek isn’t going to form out of the blue. To get it, they might have to have to put themselves out there.

If you happen to be one of those people looking to start one up, I’d like to encourage you to take it slow and steady, but at the same time, make the effort to get out of your comfort zone and expose yourself to new experiences and new people.

There’s no need to rush and you wouldn’t want to give your trust to someone who’s going to exploit it.

When you meet someone who seems to have the qualities you’d like in a true friend, you don’t need to immediately spill your guts to them. Just take the time to get to know them properly and be respectful to them. Treat them the same way you’d expect to be treated and find common ground on things so that you can better relate to each other.

You’ll see that the more time you spend with that particular person/group of people; the more comfortable you’ll be around them, placing them in your comfort zone. And just like that, you’ll have started a new friendship/ support system which was built on trust, care and respect, and friendships built on those aspects can be long lasting.

Most importantly, remember that that support is a two way street. Try your best to not make it all about yourself. Remember that this is about you finding people who can give you support during tough times and you becoming a person who can be trusted to give support in said tough times. When your friends are down and out or are going through a particularly tough time, take the time to help them get back up on their feet.

As Bill Withers once said: “Lean on me, when things go wrong, I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on…Just call me.”

In that simple act of supporting and being supported, you’d find out a surprising and amazing trait about yourself that manifests itself in your friendships:

You are a good, caring person who other good people want to be around.

Tags

Support, Support Group, Support Groups, Supporting, Supporting Others

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author avatar Memba Ben
A fan's view on the business of football.

The blog is up and running good people! For more content, head to:
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Comments

author avatar Mariah
30th Mar 2017 (#)

When it comes down to it quality of life is truly determined by what and where we find purpose and personal fulfillment.
Great post Ben

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author avatar Memba Ben
30th Mar 2017 (#)

Hi Mariah,

As always, your words are meaningful and enlightening.

Thanks and God bless!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
31st Mar 2017 (#)

I try to look out for those I can help and also use some as a sounding board.

At the end of the day we come alone and leave alone, so I take full responsibility for my decisions. I have learned when we have a positive outlook, we have won half the battles in life.

Thanks for sharing your experiences Big Ben, and I am happy that your patience was amply rewarded. For me also my patience and empathy for others have blessed me with a fulfilled life - siva

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author avatar Memba Ben
31st Mar 2017 (#)

Hi Siva,

Many thanks for your words of wisdom.

I'm also hapy to hear that you have a fulfilled life. Materialistic things may be short term but your experiences are forever.

God bless!

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author avatar LOVERME
1st Apr 2017 (#)

BIG BB You write lengthy but do you think many read thee I read partly\ switch over to poetry 19 lines only ==500 words same impulse

Reply to this comment

author avatar Memba Ben
3rd Apr 2017 (#)

Hi LOVERME

Truth be told, I find writing about my past transgressions/experiences cathartic.

I understand your point of view seeing that I don't really get a huge amount of pageviews, but to me, its not a big deal if a ton of people don't read my posts so as long as someone reads and it inspires them to carry on/ change aspects in their lives/ turn their lives around e.g , then its all worth it for me.

Regardless, I appreciate you sharing your views, positive or otherwise, they are always welcome.

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author avatar LOVERME
16th Apr 2017 (#)

you are great
BIG BEN

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author avatar Mariah
3rd Apr 2017 (#)

....And you need to back off and have respect for your fellow writers LOVERME

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author avatar LOVERME
16th Apr 2017 (#)

...And you need to back off and have respect for your fellow writers LOVERME...!!!'''

Pay no heed Ben your posts are so well worth reading..
our LOVERME just gets the '''''hump....'''
when other writers get more comments
that he does..
he's
famous (thanks)
for it!!

BEYOND YOUR BRIEF one time you called me maestro Now only 400000 views I have got ...
that brings no pleasure to me LADY ...
what aAlphabet now you use do tell me
my regrets
I meant well
BB

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author avatar Mariah
20th Apr 2017 (#)

...and you've just proved my point LOVERME....thank you!
you were rude to Ben purely because I was commenting on his posts and not yours.
I stopped commenting on your posts for no other reason than I don't want involved in Lady A's tongue lashings when readers comment on your posts, we've all had them after leaving a comment on your posts, that aside, you appear to think people are under some kind of obligation to comment on your writing and you react
inappropriately when they don't

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author avatar Mariah
3rd Apr 2017 (#)

Pay no heed Ben your posts are so well worth reading.. our LOVERME just gets the hump when other writers get more comments that he does.. he's famous for it!!

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author avatar Memba Ben
3rd Apr 2017 (#)

Hi Mariah.

Appreciate you jumping to my defense lol but I really don't mind LOVERME sharing his opinion. I'd be fooling myself if I thought I was some sort of writing genius. Everybody is bound to have a different reaction to my posts, in fact I encourage it as it allows me to work on previously unnoticed errors.

Thanks again for the defense and hope you stay blessed!

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author avatar Mariah
3rd Apr 2017 (#)

No worries Ben..just keep in mind LOVERME is not really giving an opinion on your post... tust me.. he's just pissed off because he feels short changed with comments on his posts.. he just needs a verbal kick up the ass sometimes lol

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author avatar LOVERME
16th Apr 2017 (#)

disgraceful ..
unwarranted defamation
..Still you may have your own vision

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author avatar Carol
5th Apr 2017 (#)

Well done Ben for sharing your experiences of group support with us. I think we all need support at times, especially when the going gets tough.

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author avatar LOVERME
16th Apr 2017 (#)

very positive of you ma'am

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author avatar Memba Ben
21st Apr 2017 (#)

Hi Carol.

Many thanks for the kind words.

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