I wonder if men know how it feels...

sunbeam24 By sunbeam24, 2nd Mar 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Society & Issues

I thought it would be interesting to try and get some feed back regarding the topic of sexual harassment, I truly wonder if the average man has any idea how it feels to be a woman in society today, having to face these kinds of situations in daily life.

Hunted

I was fifteen years old when I was first assalted. My friend's father was drunk and he forced himself on me, I remember to this day the way he smelt, the stubble on his face as it scratched my cheek. The wet sloppy kisses, the slurred speech, surprisingly strong arms which pinned me to the sheets. I remember it all, but rarely allow my mind to travel back to that place.
The second time I was just sitting on a bus coming home from a friend's house in the middle of the afternoon. Just in case you were wondering; I was wearing jeans and a Tshirt, I cannot be blamed for dressing provacatively- I have heard this used as an excuse (by men who wander around wearing no shirts).
An older man sat beside me and to my horror began to grope me, I was so confused, I didn't say anything, he pushed back my hair and bit my neck, he told me I was a bitch and he knew where I lived and that I had a little sister.
He shoved his hands down my pants and cut me with sharp finger nails- I did not scream, I did not move, I was paralysed with fear. I stayed on the bus and allowed him to abuse me, I was mortified about what the people on the bus would think of me.
When the bus neared my bus my stop, with tears streaming down my face, I told him-'excuse me this is my stop'.
He said you better meet me at the bridge tommorrow or I will come for your little sister you filthy bitch.
He actually let me off the bus, I limped home and recorded the incident in my diary.
There was another time, worse than those above. I will not write about here, not now.
I never thought of myself as being raped, I always blamed myself for being in the wrong place, and for not speaking out at the time- I don't know why I didn't scream or yell, I just tried to get through it, and I still blame myself for my lack of reaction, I don't know why I held back, I wish someone could explain this to me.
I am so much older now, and recently, would you believe a man approached me again on a bus. He may have had innocent intentions, but I felt my space was being invaded as there were plenty of other spots that he could have chosen to sit.
He asked me for my phone number. I felt scared, I felt fifteen again. I said no, but you can give me yours if you like. I said this because I just wanted him to leave me alone. Thankfully he got off the bus a stop before me.
That night, I was alone and my mind began playing tricks on me. I was frightened, every noise was a potential break in- I did not sleep until the sun came up.
Today I saw this message on facebook and it bothered me:
'The prophet says: A woman is 90% at fault for her own rape, she alone carries the sin of corruption,and the foul instrument of sin and defilement in her own body. Only a man is allowed sexual desire or fulfillment, the woman serves Allah by serving men.'
Now, to be honest, my initial reaction was to point fingers at the religion behind this, but then upon reflection I had to note that in all of the times I had been sexually targeted, it was not a man from this religion carrying out the act. It was men, from all different ages and walks of life- just men.
So, I'm just putting this out there- do men know how it feels to be hunted? because that is how it feels for so many women today.
Do men know how just an innocent trip to the grocery store after dusk can pose all sorts of threats?
Do men care that women are being objectified and turned into 'things' by voices of hatred, channelled through religion, pornography and the media in general?
I have scars that make it far too painful to think of men as the protectors, partners and providers that my Dad role modelled for me.
I just wanted you to know- how it feels. I am now 44 years old and worried about taking that bus to work now. I look behind me all the time, and keep my head down.
It would be so nice to turn my face up into the sun again- and to somehow feel safe-rather than hunted. Real men- step up!

Tags

Abused, Harrassed, Hunted, Hurt, Mentally Scarred, Scared, Stalked, Threatened, Violation Of Space

Meet the author

author avatar sunbeam24
Writing has always kept me sane, I do not go anywhere without a pen and paper close by. Thoughts continually seem to arrange themselves into patterns which form spoken pictures reflecting my heart.

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