If it's God's Purpose then So Be It

Cristiana By Cristiana, 2nd Sep 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Family

My mind become complicated of what is happening. Even though I know it will happen, sometimes, I feel hurt but most of the time, I am trying to understand the situation. The biggest challenge here is how I gave in my happiness for her. i know she loves him but I love him most that I accept everything that happened and tried to understand her feelings.

God's Doing

The way things turn out is not that fine or I may see maybe but sometime, I feel cheated. Yes, I gave in my happiness for her so that she will not find it hard being pregnant with my man. I thought her baby is for my man but then it's been three months now and still the baby is white. Sometimes am thinking that why I easily gave in my man to her? Why I didnt wait for three months for him to live with her? If I know then, she will not have my man.

But then, most of the time I am thinking that this is God's doing. I know now that she cheated me. Telling me that she is pregnant and the father is my man. She pick my man among her lovers to be the father's baby. That's the reason why she never said about marriage to her mother when she was asked last year. That's the reason why she still try to be with my man because she already pregnant with other man. Then my man is kind to talk to her. She knew that I and my man is living and we are living in front of her house. She is looking for somebody to be the father of her daughter. But one thing she can't hide in lies is the color and hair of her child.

She is A Lost Soul Need Salvation

Yes, it's been a three months already since her birth and the child remain white. My man is a black man. But then because he already talked to her parents and recognized the baby, he will never withdraw himself. I know him. He is a firm man. What we are doing now, is for spiritual. She needs salvation.

She needs Christ. She needs Jesus so that she will change her life ways. This is the thing that makes easy for me to understand and accepts the turn of events. She needs to know that Jesus died on the cross, 2000 years ago for our sins. Jesus needs His people to go back to Him. With this thinking, I easily adopt the feeling of being away to my man.

Three Months of Waiting for the Changes in the Baby

Our plan to be married and other plans are set aside because of her pregnancy. But it will never be successful again because I gave in for her and the baby.

Sometimes, I blame myself for what I have done but then sometimes, as what Pastora always told me, God chose you out of it.Be firm and live with God. He has plan for you. God never let anything happen for His reason and His reason is for good of everyone of us. So I will stick in that belief. Even sometimes, I felt hurt, but then, I will be strong in the Lord. I will be strong in the Lord. I believe that His purpose is better than our plans. I am looking for the future.

After three months of lies, again she can't look into my eyes. Last time, the first time I ask my man to bring her in the church so that I may discover my feelings seeing her with the baby with my love.. (Yes, I didn't feel anything. maybe because I already accepted it) He asked me to talk to her and assure that everything is all right with me. He said that she must be happy for I don't hold any grudges against her. I already forgive her. I said to her, I love him so much that's why I extend my love to his daughter and to her. I mean it.

The Baby was Left with Her Sister

For 2 Sundays, she like to smile and I carried the baby. She is stubborn like her mother lol

But one Saturday morning, with a special program. people came together with their wives. Seeing her and the baby, they were wondering the appearance of the baby. Then after the program, I heard the people there discussing how he worked hard with that white baby. Now, I say to myself, I am not the only one who see the truth.

But she kept on telling to the woman, (wife of a black man) that her baby will change. For how long? yes, black babies change after a week.

I Reveal the Truth To Him About the Baby

Now, I know, why she can't tell me last year her last menstruation. The time they did that but she willing tell me everything of what happen.

I call my man last Sunday and discuss about the matter. I told him that what I felt the first time she told me she is pregnant, that time she asked me what is my relationship with my man, that baby is not his. He just listen. never comment anything. Never say anything. I know he is analyzing the situation. And I know he will continue the relationship because her family knew him and recognized her baby beside, he knew that she needs spiritual deliverance. I know my man. He knew that she needs to be with Christ.

I am Moody Sometimes

I know that too but sometimes my feelings wavered against him. Sometimes I don;'t understand what should I think but most of the time, I want to understand her because I feel her feelings. Maybe my emotion change sometimes because of the strong feelings I have with my man. It's not easy to gave in. It's not easy to let go the man I treasured and adored. But then I want to continue that. Many people, especially Christian advising me about this. I like their advise and I want to follow it. I know its the best thing for everyone of us. Eventhough it is really hurting, but I will continue to be at the right side of this situation.

She was So Sad

Last Sunday, they don't bring the baby. She was sad. She sit beside him. She prayed. She never smile. I felt her but I don't want to come and talk to her. I warned myself. I don;t want my weakness to show there. I respect my man (Yes, i still call him my man. That is while this love is still in my heart). I didn't come to shake hands with her. I don't know the reason but I felt that I should not do that. Maybe I want her to feel that I am not happy the way she lied to me.

Pastora Prayed for Me

After the service, Pastora talked to me. She told me again, away with worldliness. You are chosen to be the daughter of God. It happens for a reason. If you go back to the world, the Holy Spirit will leave you. Will you waste your mansion because of a man? You must be thankful because God reveal to you what kind of man he is. (She is saying that because after all these things, I still don't feel hate to my man of what he done to me. Because most of the time, I blame that woman. Why i do that? because she knew it. I brought her in the house and saw all my things in our house. She saw us every Sunday going to church then why she went with him to the hotel? Is that what she is doing as a young lady? Some people say, she stole your man. But she became pregnant so I decide to gave in my man for the baby.)

We are Open to Each Other

When Pastora prayed to me, I saw him looking at us. I know he was wondering why Pastora talked to me. Then when I came down from the church, they were at the isle. She was standing beside him, sad and lonely. I just passed to them. Then he stopped me. I didn't say any word. He came towards me. The woman was left at his back. He told me why I never even say hello to him when I pass? Should I do that? i don't want jealousy from that woman. i want them to live in a normal way. i know most of the Filipino woman are jealous so I am avoiding that.

I know in his mind, he don't want me to talk to anyone in the church about my feelings. He don;t want me to talk to any man in the church. He must not do to stop me while that woman is beside him but he can't stop himself in doing that because he felt that something happen. Yes, I am always open to him and he too to me. Even he is with this woman, we talk and discuss things. But one thing he don't want me to do is to reveal my feelings and things to other people. He don't want it. He is a secretive man.

Everything has Reason

I don't know what will happen but I believe that God has His reason and I must stick in it. What I can say now that she too needs salvation. For me to hate her for the lie, I pray that I will not, I don't want to hate people. I want forgiveness. I know am human and sometimes I became angry but I always pray for God's guidance.

What I believe that everything happen for a reason and that reason is all good for everyone of us.

I also learn that whatever we do, whatever we achieve, that's nothing in God. What matters most is SALVATION OF HUMANITY.

moderator Mark Gordon Brown moderated this page.
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