Judy's Trip to Philly (an original short Story)

Vickie Collins By Vickie Collins, 3rd Mar 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Fictional Narrative

Now when I write my stories, one of the things i find most difficult is dialogue...how does  one make dialogue work...make sense and really give the reader a sense of the characters.  (of course since I find it difficult, I have to TRY dialogue from time to time) 

In the following "snapshot story" (both the picture and the writting orginal), I think I did a better job than at other times.  In fact, I am downright proud of how the dialogue worked.

The Story

                         
Bob, the trucker, walked into the dingy smokey bar.  "I want a Bud" he yelled at Tim the bartender, even though Tim already knew what he wanted.  It was the same thing every night.

"Hi Bob" he heard beside him.  And sure nuf there was little Judy.  

"Hey,girl, I aint seen ya in a while. Where ya been?"

"Well, Bob", Judy replied, "you ain't gonna believe this but I went to Philly. Yeah, me the girl who aint been further than once or twice the 80 miles to Nashvul, gone all way to Philly.  But, you see, I got me some north'ern cousins, actually some of 'em kinda citified. So different from me, but still cousins is cousins, and they wanted to see me visit'.

"Well, Judy, did you have a good visit?  I mean I think it is good that you managed to get out of this one horse town for a coupla day, even if ya did have to go off to Philly to do it" Bob said laughing.

"Well, gotta admit, I didnt 'pect to enjoy it much but I really did.  One thing was, I couldnt find no diner up there....no place that sold hamburgers and a few 'taters and stuff like I am used to.  But as strange as it wuz, I did find me one restaurant that was good....Knocks  Wasn't so much the food, you understand, but what happened there".

"What happened there, Judy".

"Well, Bob, since I couldn't find a diner, I decided to try this place.  They took reservations and course I didnt have one, but turns out they would let you eat at the bar...right there on a stool.  I ordered me a hamburger.  It was diff'rent, but gonna admit good.  Then there was this guy sitting next to me."

"You don't say, Judy, you mean you did your heart break number all way up there in Philly?" Bob asked chuckling.

"Naash, it wasn't like that.  Turns out he liked my accent.  Said he had been to the south, by which I think he meant N'awlins, and 'Tanta and such.  He said I sounded good, me with my deep southern drawl and all.  He even bought me a couple drinks and sat there talking to me a while".

"Yeah, Judy,what next".

"Well, now Bob, git your mind outa the gutter.  I know 'round here, a man buys a gal a drink, he is liking how she is wearing her jeans, and wantsta see her out of 'em....heheheh.   But it wasn't like that with him, altought must confess, I thought so too at first. Anyway, when I finished my food, and we both finished our drinks, he stood up, gentleman like, and said it had been nice visiting with me, and said goodbye."

"Bob, I lerned me something.  Some of them northerners, citified or not, aint all bad".

"Wow, Judy, looks like you lerned yourself something.  Now would you like a beer", Bob said with a sheepish leer.  Judy sighed and under her breath said, "ah but sometimes it is nice to be home where you know the way of things.". 

Tags

Bar, Dialect, Dialogue, Original, Philly, Short Story, Snapshot Story, Southern

Meet the author

author avatar Vickie Collins
I am a gay crossdresser who writes under my non-de-plume. I have a variety of interests, science fiction, religion, psychology. I recently moved from Nashville Tn to New Orleans.

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Comments

author avatar M G Singh
3rd Mar 2015 (#)

I love shor stories

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author avatar Carol Roach
3rd Mar 2015 (#)

it is a good dialogue hon, but doesn't sound very southern to me

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