Life in the Shadow of Dogs

Utah JayStarred Page By Utah Jay, 2nd Oct 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/27q0iu_9/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Poetry

I am a recovering writer, addict, and alcoholic who spent 47 years in the bane of my sickness because I had convinced myself there was no way out. I had finally come to that point in my malady where I believed the only way out of heroin addiction was to take a hit so big and so mighty that it would be the end of me, and I was alright with that.

Life in the Shadow of Dogs


A biography of poetry and prose.

Life in the Shadow of Dogs

(title page)

How does one live in the singular,
without love I mean,
without compassion,
without that connection
that sparks a living life
in the living world?
Oh I know some do,
I think most often by chance
and not by choice.
And God be with them
I always say.

A slow Stepped Man, a Traveler in Time




I am a slow stepped man,
a traveler in time
who is lost within the perimeter
of the new day rising.
I move in long deep steeps
chocking up little bits
of sunshine
as I go,
like old memories
floundering without sunlight
as I slip behind the shadows
of mountain and moon.
.

On the Road Down Louisiana Way




We were on the road that night
down Louisiana way,
when I saw an old brown dog
limping across the street
on just three feet.
It was something I carried within me
for quite some time.
More baggage
to weigh me down
I thought

and yet I watched,
engrossed within the struggle
of that poor dog’s life,
as if it were my own.
How is it
that we find time
to worry about such things
as the struggle of an old lame dog
we’ve never sat eyes on before,
lost and left to his own devises
and within the same long shadows
as I.

I still remember the decaying way
he carried his tail
tucked into himself,
like he was afraid
the sky might fall in on him.
The scene is still pressed
into the curvature of my mind,
like a stone
thrown through a dirty windshield
where I watched,
paralyzed with grief
as greasy little children
with large green eyes
laughed in stripped shirts
while throwing rocks
at that mangy old dog,
as I shivered
in my contemplation
of another poor soul,
much like myself,
who was left in the lost and found
to be shuffled through
under the cover
of another Louisiana night.

uTAH jAY

Page 1


Excerpts From My New Book
What I plan on doing is to post excerpts from my new book, chapter by chapter looking for any help I can find along the way. It is a book of poetry and prose that flow together to form the story of this addict’s life, a biography of sorts. This book is my way of giving back to those who gave so much to me. This is my way of showing that addicts and alcoholics are made from circumstance and pain, and that no one was ever born to be like this. No one ever dreamed of being an addict, or an alcoholic one day, like some do of being a fireman, or a Doctor. It is my intention to help those in need, and those who are lost, like I was, to let them know that there really is a way out, a way back home. That clean and sober is possible in this lifetime.

Engrossed in the Struggle


and yet I watched,
engrossed within the struggle
of that poor dog’s life,
as if it were my own.
How is it
that we find time
to worry about such things
as the struggle of an old lame dog
we’ve never sat eyes on before,
lost and left to his own devises
and within the same long shadows
as I.

He Carried His Tail Tucked Into Himself



I still remember the decaying way
he carried his tail
tucked into himself,
like he was afraid
the sky might fall in on him.
The scene is still pressed
into the curvature of my mind,
like a stone
thrown through a dirty windshield
where I watched,
paralyzed with grief
as greasy little children
with large green eyes
laughed in stripped shirts
while throwing rocks
at that mangy old dog,
as I shivered
in my contemplation
of another poor soul,
much like myself,
who was left in the lost and found
to be shuffled through
under the cover
of another Louisiana night.

uTAH jAY

Page 1

Excerpts From My New Book


Life in the Shadow of Dogs

Excerpts From My New Book

What I plan on doing is to post excerpts from my new book, chapter by chapter looking for any help I can find along the way. It is a book of poetry and prose that flow together to form the story of this addict’s life, a biography of sorts. This book is my way of giving back to those who gave so much to me. This is my way of showing that addicts and alcoholics are made from circumstance and pain, and that no one was ever born to be like this. No one ever dreamed of being an addict, or an alcoholic one day, like some do of being a fireman, or a Doctor. It is my intention to help those in need, and those who are lost, like I was, to let them know that there really is a way out, a way back home. That clean and sober is possible in this lifetime with the help and love of God, or the vision of their higher power.

Thank you with all my heart and love

uTAH jAY

We all have a voice, we all have something to say. Say it on wikinut and get paid!

Tags

Addiction, Addiction Recovery, Addiction To Alcohol, Addiction To Heroin, Addictive Behavior

Meet the author

author avatar Utah Jay
I have been writing since the beginning of time it seems, not because I want to write, but because I have too. My favorite form of writing is poetry, all kinds and types of poetry.

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Comments

author avatar Utah Jay
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

Mark, thanks for publishing, and I just wanted to tell you that I forgot to put in my link so I edited and put it in...Thanks

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

It does make me wonder how many Heroin overdoses are intentionally. Thanks for sharing this story.

Your link is not working. You may need to edit this and fix it.

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author avatar Delicia Powers
2nd Oct 2014 (#)

I am so glad you are compiling your poems into a book Utah Jay...your work is amazing!

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author avatar spirited
3rd Oct 2014 (#)

You ask a lot of questions in your poetry, Utah Jay.

How does one live in the singular, you ask?

The power of the singular is in its singular focusing of love within a uniquely new way each time that a new singular is created.

You and I and that lame dog are all singular's in creation.

Only love brings us together, then joins us again to the oneness that is God.

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author avatar Utah Jay
3rd Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for the comment Mark, and to answer, thousands are, you come to a place where you believe that the world thinks of you in the same way you think of self and everything begins to feel of no worth. I travel the intermountain west speaking on this with a few others, some professionals. some that are in recovery and the story remains the same.

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author avatar Utah Jay
3rd Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for trying Mark, I will get back to it later as I have something for this afternoon that I must do...Thank you again.

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author avatar Utah Jay
3rd Oct 2014 (#)

Thank you Delicia, it means a lot for me to hear someone like you saying this,

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author avatar Utah Jay
3rd Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks spirited, but in the throws of addiction the mind just does not think like this, it is a very dark place to be.

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author avatar Kingwell
4th Oct 2014 (#)

Such beautiful poetry. I'm so pleased that you are putting it all in a book. Good luck my friend.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
4th Oct 2014 (#)

The best way to live singular and without vices is to live the the will of the one Above.
I love animals and pets and have picked up strays in my reality and taken care of them with medical attention too. I was supposed to be a vet but went into Business Management only because the colleges in the area were not good.
None the less, the best way to cope whilst singular is not running around with lustful predatory habits and shouting raw dog but like what I do, write poetry, do a few photoshoots, work couple of assignments and above all do my own thing without men/women around. Its bliss.
Call me whatever, I love my solitude and leave the pairing lives for the mediocre. Moreover I am married but living apart and with child too.

None the less, in the Chinese Calendar 1958 is the year of the dog as with 2006, got my two dogs at home along with the Rat and Horse who live with the Sheep. We, together are the musicians of Bremen but of a different variety.
Take care, I never let an animal get hurt and have adopted many in the past REAL ones, they included rats and squirrels too... Owls, Eagles, Crows, Bats etc. Its all my passion of being a vet....

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author avatar Utah Jay
5th Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks Kingwell, I hope they will help someone who was as lost as I was.

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author avatar Utah Jay
5th Oct 2014 (#)

This is true my Lady, but there are many thousands who are out there and lost, like I was. I hope to be a light onto at least one of them.

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
14th Oct 2014 (#)

Indeed you are my dear Utah a light of talent with awesome poetry you bring to our Wikinuts forum!

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author avatar Utah Jay
14th Oct 2014 (#)

You are ever so kind Fern...Thank you dearly.

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author avatar AjaySinghChauhan
25th Oct 2014 (#)

very interesting, thanks for sharing it with us

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