Loneliness in a Crowded World

Sivaramakrishnan AStarred Page By Sivaramakrishnan A, 15th Aug 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1om0xux2/
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Though the world is getting more crowded going by population numbers, many are leading lonely lives not of their choice. They are left on the wayside as lifestyle is gathering speed in terms of technology resulting in lack of time for the basics that bonded our society.

Inequitable Society

The world is getting more crowded and the income disparity is becoming wider by the day. The former trend is set to continue for few decades more though we can do better for an inclusive society; the awareness should underscore our policies for overall peace and cohesion. What some are paid hardly meet their basic needs. That leads to disillusionment and despair with a take that no one really cares for the downtrodden with take it or leave it attitude. We have to admit some are unlucky in life for no fault of theirs. They feel lonely, left out, with little chance to move up. They are left high and dry in a crowded world as others pass them by; those with a conscience should not close their eyes but lend their shoulders to right the injustices that are now avoided as inconvenient truths. The lucky should think of those who live without hope in their midst, without even knowing where their next meal is going to come from.

Oneness and Uniqueness in Humanity

One of the dualities of creation is we are same and at the same time unique underscoring the oneness of creation and the uniqueness in each of us. We are made such that we should have endless variety to see issues from every angle. In the end everyone contributes to the whole though it may not be apparent. That leads to the irony of the few feeling the loneliness, being isolated in a world where most try to blend in with the majority. But the former have more of unique talents and when channeled towards the common good lends more variety than the majority can muster. Now we tend to overlook the fault lines and even accept them with a view we cannot do much to take corrective steps to include those who are different but do their might their own way.

Some of the lonely tend to attract attention the wrong way by acting against society’s interests, sort of become destroyers to make a stand. How to extend the olive branch to bring them into the society’s fold is the challenge everywhere. They need more attention but our time and efforts are more than compensated when they step in. Of course some will prove recalcitrant come what may, the diehard among the sort of renegades. They may know they are isolated and even find comfort in being so! Some should be left to their own devises as the more the effort put in to assimilate them into society the more adamant they become.

Loneliness

The loneliness of few weighs down the society in many ways. From my personal observation they are be due to:

Unjustness in Society: Equal opportunities are tough to come by as wealth matters to get ahead in terms of education and opportunities in life.

Family History: What had happened in childhood cast a long shadow to make them feel life has dealt a blow tough to recover from. They tend to isolate themselves from society unable to shake off the past blows on their psyche.

Mental sickness: Some are just not able to adjust with the flow of society and want to be left alone: sort of introverts and society tends to ignore them exacerbating their isolation.

Sensitiveness: Few are not able to make friends with others as they have a different take on life. For them social etiquette is a waste of time as they stay cooped up to spend their time alone.

Pursuit of Passion; Some want to pursue their passion like art, reading, writing and they need time to be alone to devote their attention to the task in hand. They disappear from society for lengths of time. Their efforts enrich others’ lives when they share their works.

Age: Old age is becoming tough for most. We get isolated especially in modern lifestyles where the young have own interest and less of time for social interaction with those who cannot share their passion.

Extended Lifespan

Mother Teresa said “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” I have seen some being alone but not really lonely – it is their choice of lifestyle that they are comfortable with. Life is indeed hard on some especially when faced with health and mobility issues. When one has to be dependent on others, the issues stare in our face on a day to day basis. And many live with disabilities for a long time and have to depend on those who themselves are not healthy and need help! I have seen among my acquaintances few are in dire straits for years. Though some societies have inbuilt systems developed over years, others are struggling with those who increase in number and need help. Modern medicines have extended the lifespan but may not be in terms of quality of lives. Not many countries permit euthanasia and it looks like some may indeed welcome that rather than living in relentless pain without a hope in sight. Yes, there are many stages in life and some are not lucky especially in the evening of their lives living in a crowded world all alone!


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Links to my recent posts:


The Challenge to make Life Meaningful, yet keep it Simple

We Owe Few Our Deep Debt of Gratitude

Subtle Shift in Consciousness from Generation to Generation

Guilt-free Life is Blissful Life

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Tags

Conscience, Euthanasia, Humanity, Inclusive Society, Income Inequality, Inequality, Lifestyle, Loneliness, Mental Illness, Mother Teresa, Olive Branch, Oneness, Peace, Uniqueness, World

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
Professional accountant. General take on life, business, international news comments

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
15th Aug 2015 (#)

Thank you Mark for the moderation and encouragement through star merit - siva

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author avatar Pramal kumar samanta
15th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks for sharing excellent post. Olds are being isolated from the society in terms of technological advancement.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks for commenting Pramal. Some elderly are facing isolation as they cannot connect or keep pace with the change in society and lifestyle - siva

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author avatar Stella Mitchell
15th Aug 2015 (#)

loneliness is indeed a scourge of this age dear Siva .
There have been times when I have experienced times of great loneliness , but then I begin to count my blessings and start to reach out to others more lonely than myself and soon I forget my own woes and realise I have so much to be thankful for , and so many friends who love me .
Losing loved ones through death or moving away from those we relate closely to can cause great loneliness , but I draw my comfort from my Saviour , and very soon I find I have other friends with whom to share my life with .
God richly bless you with a good circle of loved ones dear Siva.
Stella ><

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks dear Stella, I find solace the same way too. When in need rather go to the one who has time and they are the less well off in terms of wealth; they can sympathize and empathize readily with others' plight.

I was keen to help my friend who needed someone to take him to go to hospital but another sacrificing her hard earned income was keener to help!

I have seen the loneliness in the elderly when they start losing their friends and unable to find new friends. I see many lost looks when I look around - siva

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author avatar brendamarie
15th Aug 2015 (#)

Siva great article. I think everyone goes through loneliness at, at one point, it's all about how one deals with it.

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author avatar Kingwell
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Another great article Siva. While I think it's good to have some time alone, we all need to know that someone loves and cares about us. We need friends too. In old age, we see friends moving away, some to senior's homes, others to live near their children and others make that final move into the unknown. Loneliness is different from just spending time alone. There is a sadness attached to it, Blessings.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks for your meaningful take Kingwell. I personally believe when we fail to honor the departed, we lose meaning in our existence.

Though society has to progress scientifically that should not become the be all and end all of life. We should spare time for those that matter.

We should never forget those who laid the foundation for much that we take for granted. They need to know that they are not mere digits but have lives that yearn for love and meaning - siva

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Yes Brendamarie, especially the old and the vulnerable.

Though it is a fact of life, society should be inclusive and take care of the less fortunate - siva

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author avatar snerfu
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Loneliness happens when one does not have company. Who is responsible? Difference between a man and a woman who keep it and leave is evident in the taste present within society.
Another great article Siva, good going.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Yes Snerfu - man and woman; one cannot live with the other, or live without the other too!

Now it is equal relationship with children too joining in the the equality, agree to disagree, so all keep to themselves resulting in loneliness within a crowded family!

Maybe we are becoming robotic in our existence due to this trend to move away from being human - siva

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author avatar spirited
16th Aug 2015 (#)

I agree with what you have said here siva, the more populated the planet becomes, the more lonely some of us become upon it.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks Spirited for commenting.

Loneliness is becoming a scourge especially when we are most vulnerable, it becomes a constant companion! siva

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author avatar Retired
16th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks Siva for attempting to tackle a truly complex subject.

As a UK pensioner myself, I hear fellow UK pensioners speak of their loneliness. But when I delve deeper and ask them if they have a PC, laptop, tablet or smartphone, the answer I often get is, "Oh no, I'm far too old to start learning to use such things".

Frankly, I put that kind of response down to a combination of laziness and fear.

But I don't give-up that easily. My next step is to ask them if they can use a TV remote control device. "Of course I can!" is the usual answer, to which I reply, "Okay if you can use a TV remote control, then you'll be able to learn how to operate a computer in no time at all."

At that point I'm invariably greeted with a dismissive wave of the hand and a gruff ... "Harrrump". Laziness and fear rear their ugly heads again, you see.

The points I'm trying to make here are i) loneliness in old age, especially in so-called developed countries, can easily be overcome by getting on-line. ii) destitution is not always an accident of birth. Very often it's a life-style choice (free will in action) and iii) As my Wikinut article "A Plague on the Planet?" argues, there's just too many of us anyway. No wonder loneliness is a scourge.

Nevertheless, we as a species need to get a grip and stop human proliferation in its tracks, or we go the same way as The Dinosaurs. Rest assured Mother Nature will make sure of that, if we don't wake-up soon!

That said, thank you again for a thought-provoking article.

One final observation ... loneliness is an effect. It's the causes we need to address, and the effect will disappear. But you already know that Siva, don't you.

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author avatar vellur
17th Aug 2015 (#)

Loneliness is like a disease that can slowly kill the spirit of life. We can feel lonely even in a crowd. Great write and an interesting read.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
17th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks Vellur for commenting.

We see the empty looks in many especially while in the evening of their lives with nothing much to look forward to. Also others who feel left out of the mainstream of life. It is a matter of time those working will be getting fewer with elderly increasing in numbers - siva

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
17th Aug 2015 (#)

Thank you Lewis for your take that it takes two hands to clap. I appreciate your adding value to my post.

Agreed, society and family can do only so much and the issue is better tackled from within.

Loneliness can be faced to some extent with gadgets et al, but the main issue is lack of human contact especially with immediate family members face-to-face.This aspect has been exacerbated by younger members leaving in search of better pastures beyond their countries even. Obviously, their visits back home are few and far between.

Society is gearing up to face issues with old age/ seniors/ elderly homes springing up but many feel isolated among strangers with limited energy to find common ground to spend meaningful time.

There is an emptiness despite the best of efforts and and my thrust was for increasing awareness of the plight of few in the evening of their lives and more for an inclusive society. Yes, population growth in some regions are getting out of control resulting in indiscriminate killings as if lives have no value.

Thanks again Lewis, I appreciate your visit and comment - siva

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author avatar Retired
17th Aug 2015 (#)

Wholeheartedly agreed Siva ... thanks for your update and your kind words.

In fact your reference to "face to face" reminded me that therein lies another very good reason to get on-line. I refer to Skype video calls. They're free and available to all with internet access (except in those repressive regimes who seem determined to prevent their citizens from enjoying un-fettered contact with the outside world).

I'm on Skype. Are you? If so, it would be good to chat sometime.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
17th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks Lewis for your further comments, appreciated.

I am not on Skype but have Facetime. We should catch up sometime, sort of put a real face behind our online writing.

Yes, we have to keep running as the universe itself is going at breakneck speed though it takes better care than our best inventions ever can! We hardly feel any jolt giving us peaceful life for billions of years! Hope we need not run after it once we leave this blessed place! - siva

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author avatar SS Kumar
18th Aug 2015 (#)

A complex subject well described. It may be only in Japan the lonely elders are adopted and /or visited regularly by volunteers to drive away the lonesomeness.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks Kumar, I myself had difficulties communicating with the some elderly when I was young. But I felt quite comfortable with majority but could have done better.

Now I feel in traditional societies, many elderly get left behind as the young move to cities for jobs that are easier than farming etc. So many villages are left with the elderly to fend for themselves - siva

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author avatar peachpurple
18th Aug 2015 (#)

although we may have friends around, we might still feel empty sometimes

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Aug 2015 (#)

Loneliness is the scourge of the elderly with families getting smaller. Thanks Peachpurple for commenting - siva

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author avatar vandana7
19th Aug 2015 (#)

Sometimes loneliness is better. :) Take for example me. I have no kids. So this friend suggested, when your father is no more, exchange your 50 lakh flat with my second flat worth 30 lakhs and come and stay near me I will look after you. lol. Straight away he makes a profit of 20 lakhs, and then I will be helpless should there be any differences. Bad foundation, don't you think? lol I think people have become very money minded. I sent a mail to him look I am going to old age home, or will turn my home into one. They will look after me. It becomes difficult to be honest on face to such blatant insults.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Aug 2015 (#)

I agree Vandana, there are few looking for easy prey. I have also seen such - when you give them a place to stay, we can even lose our abode and find ourselves on the streets!

I recall one businessman telling me there are few he avoids and he knows who - "our money becomes their money, and their money remains their money".

Yes everyone thinks of old age homes as a last resort with a take - better to stay away and be on talking terms than under the same roof as strangers! siva

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author avatar Sherri Granato
20th Aug 2015 (#)

Amazing article. You touched on so much. Even someone surrounded by people can surprisingly be lonely.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks Sherri - few tend to take the old for granted, as not worth their time, but the truth strikes home when they depart; of course the departed are ever forgiving - if not the world will be a different place due to the injustices suffered by many. They are ready to shower their blessings, but the insults are forgotten! - siva

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author avatar Sherri Granato
20th Aug 2015 (#)

Congrats on receiving a star for this page. Well deserved.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks again Sherri for your kind words, appreciated - siva

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author avatar Carol
20th Aug 2015 (#)

Great post Siva, you can be surrounded by people, yet feel alone sometimes. Congratulations on being author of the day.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks Carol for the kind words.

We have to keep running to stay where we are. We are not the same person every ten years or so as circumstances can knock us down - siva

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author avatar Carol Roach
21st Aug 2015 (#)

these are all great reason to be isolated however introversion is not a metal disease it is a personality trait.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
21st Aug 2015 (#)

Thanks Carol, I was thinking of those who yearn to live with others but get isolated even within families - siva

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author avatar usha kiran
24th Aug 2015 (#)

People are lonely because we all have our inner self where we keep certain thoughts to ourselves and the modern day lifestyle only makes people even more alone !

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author avatar Subra
30th Aug 2015 (#)

Dear Siva, loneliness is also in the mind because when the mind is empty, loneliness sets in. That's why they always say that whether you are young or old, if we keep our minds active constructively, loneliness will be kept at bay. Of course there are situations when people, especially the poor, are neglected into isolation and this is when they lead miserable lives.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
30th Aug 2015 (#)

Agreed Subra, but I have seen few being ostracized by even immediate family members and that is a terrible situation to be in to pass the evening of lives in virtual isolation.These happen even in traditional societies and now taken as the norm.

Yes, the not so elderly are battening down the hatches getting prepared for such eventualities, but it is tough to cross that bridge when we come to it! siva

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
31st Aug 2015 (#)

Thank you Usha, sorry I have overlooked your comment.

Agreed, but sometimes the old are ignored by society in a hurry and some are even treated as a burden, overstaying their welcome.

I see few who had lived for others and when they need help, their own look away - siva

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author avatar Retired
3rd Sep 2015 (#)

Great wisdom, dear Sivaji...as always! Insightful. I like how this covers all facets. There are those who love solitude...alone is ALL ONE. And those who are lonely and hurt. Very different modes. Your post is rich in wisdom...and so are your responses to comments! Namaste...keep shining your light, brother!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
3rd Sep 2015 (#)

Thank you Rama-ji for your comment that enhances my post.

As we become older, we crave for companionship and feel wanted by near and dear ones. The old are not dead yet and we can jog their memories. Sadly, sometimes, the young treat them as had been, not worth their time. But they have all the time to to check out the latest gadgets! siva

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author avatar Judy Ellen
29th Sep 2015 (#)

I feel the loneliness of poverty because we cannot afford to keep our car going and our children are too busy to come and visit! I am trying to concentrate on my music and hoping to share it at the Senior Center to help others not feel quite so lonely!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
30th Sep 2015 (#)

Yes Judy, we all go through tough phases in life struggling to come to terms with them. But the beauty is that we meet those who extend their hand of friendship when our own get distanced due to various factors. When we are old we are more vulnerable and emotional too.

I have heard you sing and enjoyed them and I am sure you will cherish the time at the Senior Center as they sure will too - siva

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author avatar Judy Ellen
29th Sep 2015 (#)

One good thing that I forgot to mention is that hubby and I have been losing weight and playing tennis so that we can give our grandchildren a real challenge on the tennis court! My grandson can't wait to play tennis with me! He will be pleasantly surprised!!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
30th Sep 2015 (#)

So happy for you Judy that you and your husband are fit enough to play tennis and enjoying it.

When I returned home from my tennis game on 9/11 day, my wife was imploring me to watch the news as the events were unfolding. I felt too numbed to stop playing tennis altogether on that day. It was surreal and too shocking an event.

Yes, our grandchildren can keep us young and make us rediscover the joys of life. Your service aces are sure going to surprise him! siva

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author avatar Marzeus von Hemelen
13th Oct 2015 (#)

Yep, without money you have no chance to have much friends.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
13th Oct 2015 (#)

Yes Marzeus and when others have no time for us it is a double whammy though money power can attract few to us! siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Right, without money, you have no chance to have much friends. I just lose my American husband who passed away in China this September. Poverty is the biggest root for our international marriage tragedy between China and US.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Sorry to hear the sad news ginaguo, hope you have the strength to look ahead.

Many are sidelined due to poverty and justice is denied to them. I believe there is at least one crime behind great wealth - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

My American husband was from a wealthy family, but nobody would like to help him. When you're poor and downout and I'll, even your own family members just look down on you,it's just the cruel truth in this world.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Sorry to hear that, I know what you mean ginaguo.

People everywhere are like that. I like to help people but make sure I do not get to a position to look for help - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I think I'll never be married later, I have owned the most beautiful and purest love in the world. I only wish when I die,I still have the chance to meet my husband in another world.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I understand your feelings ginaguo.

I am waiting to meet few of mine who have left me as I get an awareness they are waiting for me.

I know your dear departed husband will be blessing you in the meanwhile but would want you to carry on in life so that you are fulfilled in this life - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

The real love and friendship must be based on the common cause and interest. Or we can say whoever can help you earn money is just your real friend.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Yes ginaguo. Pure love is above man-made creations including money. All these we leave behind or even snatched away from us before our time.

Friendship is different from love that has no borders - divine love is one soul in two bodies - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I agree with you, divine love is really one soul in two bodies, which is just the case of my husband and I.
Pitifully heart disease took his life suddenly. In fact he is not only my husband, but also my most respected teacher. Pitifully I'm so silly, I never realize his health was in such a bad condition.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Even those with the best of health bid adieu without giving any notice. So don't blame yourself ginaguo.

It is sort of fated but true love will endure even if one is gone from this blessed place. Their blessings will continue in another form - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Now I realize that it's really a horrible thing to lack of medical knowledge.
We both don't know what the heart disease is like, when he told me that he was tired, I just felt it's OK to have a good rest. I even hated him to feel tired all along. But till his sudden death, I know it's due to my ignorance about medical knowledge. It's really too heartbroken. I lose the whole world!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I can understand your feelings ginaguo. Don't live with a guilty feeling. I too feel tired but people may think I am lazy!

I am sure you can find meaning in life even when remembering the good times shared with your husband - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

He was a real hero, a buddha, a saint. But he had a fatal wound. But it's the fault of society, instead of his. Just because he was too kindhearted to know how to protect himself in this world full of scams and tricks and conspiracy.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I am also taken advantage of by people many times. I feel sad that it prevents me from helping those in need when those out to scam take advantage of me.

There are many kind-hearted people who make this world worth living. When there is extreme cruelty there is also extreme kindness to balance the creative process - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Right. I agree with you completedly. When there is extreme cruelty there is also extreme kindness to balance the creative process. We need to learn the different cultures and heal our would from the different system.

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Cure the wound from different cultures. Even we should have the courage to create a new kind of culture. I realize that a lot of successful and wealthy people are endowed with creative spirit, they have the courage to break the shackles of old system. They are very brave and upright!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Well said ginaguo.

We should not think only one belief has all the answers. We should have the magnanimity to understand where others come from rather than brush them aside.

Some try to impose their views on others while not even willing to listen to others' view points.

I recall the words of President Jiang Zemin telling that democracy and freedom has to wait till China is able to feed and clothe the millions - siva

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

The good and bad are everywhere even within families. That is tough to swallow as they know our weakness and soft spots!

When I need help strangers chip in more than my own and I am not judged - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

He was a wealthy pharmacist at first. But later he was thrown to prison for 5 years. Being a respectable white pharmacist to a prisoner, it's really a great gap in anyone's life!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Sadly, injustice happens all the time and some are victims.

It is easy to tell - get on with life but the scars refuse to heal - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

He had a death threaten, being forced to sell drugs. He asked for help from police 3 times in a row,nobody cared about him. As result, 2 years later, he was arrested. Prison life not only ruined his health, but also his spirit.
He must bear the heavy cross of being a prisoner all day long. In fact just because he was a very kindhearted person,he valued his honor as his life, when he lost his honor, he just looked down on himself,too. He even forgot his noble blood, his wonderful degree and abundant knowledge,etc.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Sorry to hear this.

Some become victims of circumstances especially when they care for others' welfare more than their own - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I'm just as silly as him. You know in China, we have the strict virgin culture, (of course, in US, they have the criminal record system)when I was 12, I was nearly raped by an evil man. From then on, all my nightmares began to fall on me. I also scorn myself, I feel I am not perfect any more. Maybe I can't marry a good husband forever.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Sadly when this happens when we are most vulnerable they leave a deep mark on our psyche for life.

When injustices happened to me I comforted myself that it is not my fault and so just carry on though cannot forget such incidents - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Being a Chinese,the biggest motive for me to teach myself english is only to get rid of chinese virgin culture. I want to change into a western woman, because in western society,they have not Virgin culture.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I find Chinese women have moved on generally and have come away from traditional thinking that kept them behind men.

I have to say your English is quite good and fluent - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
20th Dec 2015 (#)

No, the real Chinese tradition never changes. Anything can changes as time goes on, but the core of special culture is always the same. The only thing you can change is to change yourself. My husnand's tragic death just changes me a lot.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

When we change positively then society will also change with us.

Past is past - we cannot do anything. Agree, western society treats women on equal terms with men but Asia is fast catching up - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Thank goodness, I finally married a western husband till I was 38 years. This year I'm 39. I just became a widow. I don't know why God play such a big joke on me.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I feel you should slowly move on and that is what your dear husband wants too as love transcends time - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
20th Dec 2015 (#)

Yeah, love transcends the time. But I hate myself to death.
It's me who killed my husband. He died, I am nearly mad.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

You should forgive yourself ginaguo.

When he had heart issues how can you blame yourself only? siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I met my American husband online in 2008, at that time he just came out of prison. He lost everything including his pharmacist license and his property, his exwife divorced him,too. The american society punished him ruthlessly.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th Dec 2015 (#)

These happen all the time in life. When the boat is sinking many are in a hurry to leave.

I like to do more during tough times, like I do now at Wikinut, as I,sort of, value loyalty - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Now I realize it's such a miserable thing to be a good western man, such a lucky thing to be a western woman.
Such a miserable thing to be a good chinese woman, such a lucky thing to be a chinese man.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

It is not easy whether a man or woman as society is unforgiving.

Even in male dominated societies, men are held accountable for family welfare or treated as failures - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

If you want to obtain happiness, there're only 2 roads. One is you become a foxy and sophisticated person, the other is you are good at different culture and social system, you can travel no different countries freely. Since my American husband had no way to earn good money in US any more, I adviced him to teach english in China, taking advantage of his bachelor degree, but he refused to believe me all along. Of course, he loved his kids so much.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

I moved out of India years ago but embraced all of humanity and there are the good and bad everywhere.

Agreed, one needs to have enough money to live comfortably and also the health to live well.

I am far from foxy but am careful not to be taken advantage of by few looking for easy prey - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Until all his american kids left him, he felt nobody need him in US any longer, he finally flied to China for the sake of me. Pitifully our luck was really too bad, there's a new policy, foreign teacher must offer non-criminal record except bachelor degree. My god, the law killed us again. But till his death, I just know this policy is not exact. Pitifully my poor husband couldn't get rid of the shadow of criminal-record till he passed away.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

That is tough law - one is never really forgiven at all! There is no second chance.

Life is cruel indeed for some. But past is past - we should not dwell on it - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

He really earned good money in China. He was very grateful to me at the beginning, pitifully the more successful he was in China,the more self-abased I was. Because in his circle, all those chinese owned good diploma, which is my fatal wound, I desire to get american visa in order to value my own social status. I'm so silly, I just forget my husband had offered me a wonderful social status--American's wife.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

Life has to move on - anyway you had genuine regard for your husband but we are human after all.

He will understand and bless you now - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

In China, it's very difficult to get american travelling visa for poor and commom chinese. And even you marry an american, your american husband must offer financial safety for you to apply for green card. We have no money, so I just urged my husband to save money for our future. Who knows it's just because my vanity and extreme self-abasement which ruined our love and marriage. I applied for american travelling visa twice this June and July-- a total failure.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

I remember my friend telling that his wife wanted to move from one country to another as she was not happy but he found happiness everywhere.

Happiness resides within - it is in our attitude - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Who knows in September my American husband passed away suddenly? Until I read his last unfinished email to his American friend, I began to realize the truth, my american husband was very lonely and helpless in China, and he also failed to suffer the harsh chinese living condition.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

Adjusting to living conditions in a foreign country is not easy but we cannot have both ways.

It is sad he passed away before he settled down in China - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

He was such a silly western man, he could do everything for his wife, he dedicated his life for his wife!
It's because he married an american wife who loved spending money, she urged his husband to earn money, her husband was thrown into prison.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

We all have limitations and interests - we should live life according to them.

Yes some are under the thumb of others - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Later he married me, I urged him to keep on saving money, living a frugal life. Because I'm a poor chinese all along, I'm accustomed to poor life.
My american husband was from wealthy family, he really couldn't suffer the harsh living condition. What's more, I really didn't know why he cherished a teaching job in china so much.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

Being poor when young has its advantages as one can adapt but being rich and losing wealth is tough to endure - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Until his sudden death, I realize the pain of a new hero.
A pride person-when he lost his health and his degree in US at the same time, it means he not only had no chance to do the white-collar job, also had no ability to do heavy labor job.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

I am used to white collar job but now tough to do manual labor as I am no more young! siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

Pitifully I didn't know he was just a patient, I love and cherish him too much, I always feel I don't match him. If I know he was a patient, I'd rather look after him all day long. Even if he couldn't earn any money for me, I love and respect his knowledge so much. I waited for 38 years, I finally married off myself at the first time----a person who I love and loved me so much, but God envy our love, God took my husband's life forever. I

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

It is sort of fated - don't blame yourself. Wherever he is, he will bless and guide you.

Some look healthy outside but appearances can be deceptive - everyone yearns for love and compassion - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

God took my husband from me forever! When I cremated him, I cut my hair with his corpse, I know part of my life has gone with him forever. I'm never that naive and happy old girl seeking vanity. Everyone in the world is common, everyone needs help! In this world, God doesn't allow the absolute happiness.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

If you look for happiness, it will slip away.

I try to live the present moment; past is gone, future uncertain - we have only the present as a reality! siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

If my husband is still alive, how happy we will be! We can travel the countries between China and US freely in the near future, he is just earning good money, we love and cherish each other so much! God envy our pure love! But only God knows how I miss my beloved husband! He is the typical Scottish man, his ancestor is just William Wallace --the role of " brave heart" who dedicated his life for the sake of his wife,

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

You have good memories of happy times ginaguo to last a life time.

I feel you should write a book and publish your thoughts and experiences. Thus will soothe your pain - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

At the first time I feel death is such a beautiful thing. It means I can finally meet my husband again. When he was alive, he lived in US, I lived in China, after the 5 years of waiting,we finally meet each other in reality. But when we finally married in China, we just lived together for a short time, we need save money. Who knows he left me forever? This time he has gone to another world where all people are doomed to go.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

Death is said to be the ultimate leveler but we have to live here till that time.

You should immerse yourself in positive activities so that your mind stays active - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

So the pure and true love is the privilege of poor people. Because without money, even if Internet links the world so tightly, we can communicate with each other no matter in which country, for poor people, meeting in reality is still a luxury dream!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

Yes, the rich can settle down anywhere and they are welcomed but the poor knows how to live in tough terrain.

But everyone can find happiness with the right attitude - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

My dear husband, even if you have left me forever, I still don't know if I can get american travelling visa, I still don't know if I have the chance to accompany you to come back to your homeland--US. You american family is refusing to accept me.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

I do hope you find meaning wherever you are - why go to a place as an uninvited guest? siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

They just doubt the real reason I married you is for money. only God knows when you came to China, you had no money. I don't know why money is so important for people in this world.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

Only your husband knew you - so let others have their own life.

Money is always an issue but we should not associate ourselves with those obsessed with it - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

I just remember the last word my husband sent me, never scorn the weak cub, someday it can become the brutal tiger.
Dear husband, do you know after you left me, I have to struggle with so many people by myself. Yeah, I'm fighting against the whole world. At the first time, I don't want to ask for help from any people. Because nobody can help me. i only want to spread our miserable but beautiful international love--the collision and blending between eastern culture and western culture. All eastern women, please marry western men, how happy!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

You should write a book about your experiences ginaguo, I am sure that will be a best seller - siva

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author avatar ginaguo
18th Dec 2015 (#)

If you're hurting deeply by your own culture, please remember to shift into another culture!
I believe in the futute the most beautiful culture is Internet culture! Let's meet each other in reality freely from the different countries! Visa policy is not only a big barrier!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Dec 2015 (#)

We are blessed to be living in these times as barriers for communications are removed through internet.

Let us make use of them positively - siva

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