Love Yourself Before Others

SuburbanTarzan By SuburbanTarzan, 29th Aug 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Columns & Opinions

Although it may sound selfish, this is hardly a groundbreaking idea. Why? Because the right person for us is a reflection of ourselves…

“Baby, We Share The Same Soul”

Humans bond on common ground and it is no different in the romance department. Opposites may attract out of a curiosity to explore what’s available in certain people but in the end, we are happier with partners who are more or less tuned into the same frequency as ourselves.

We all have our own belief systems and nobody else looks at the world in exactly the same way that we do. Our values are defined by this.

The people that we are drawn to, who are drawn to us, always share a common ground of some sort. It could be music preferences, movie choices, hobbies that you share or maybe you’re striving toward a common goal. We live by the choices that we make and so we encounter people that have made the same choices.

Think about first dates. If you had to pretend to like that horrible movie that you’re both sitting through my guess is that there probably aren’t going to be many more dates to follow. So you see, it is always a much smoother road when people are emotionally similar.

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

It can become problematic if you were attracted to someone who operates totally out of your solar system. With this kind of attraction, the person to whom you are drawn to usually has something that you wish you could have. This could be a certain talent, a certain charm, wealth or social status. We’re all familiar with the giddy feeling that comes with encountering a celebrity in person. We feel attracted to them and yet, we know nothing of their personalities beyond what they show the cameras.

When your relationship is based upon feelings such as these, the other half is only around to fill a void that exists within you. Like an emotional crutch. You may even seem like the perfect couple to outsiders. But you know something is wrong when it takes too much time, effort and stress to maintain the charade.

The “You Complete Me” Myth

The right person for you, despite the popular expression, isn’t actually your “other half”. You don’t need someone else to complete you because you are not lacking in anything. If you do not feel whole on your own, it is because you have not taken the time to reflect upon yourself and really get to know who you are.

Many people don’t know what they want in a partner. In fact, they don’t even know what they want out of life. How can one hope to find the right one for them if they lack what it takes to even recognise the right one?

It Might Sound Good In Songs And Movies But…

Guy: I love the way you snore softly while you sleep. Gosh I just can’t bear to leave you. I’ll always be by your side. Protecting you. Watching over you. I need you. I can’t live without you. You’re the air that I breathe. I’d die without you.

Girl: Um… You’re creepy. Stop watching me sleep! Get away from me or I’m calling the cops!

You’re Going To Be Okay

Don’t be afraid of being single. Of being alone. There is nothing wrong with that. It is when you’re facing the world alone that you find out the most about yourself. The people who see being single as a weakness are the ones who are weak and lost within themselves, forever depending on someone else to make their existence worthwhile.

To be able to stand alone, strong, independent and comfortable, is one the best things that you’ll ever learn for yourself. Because that way you’ll go through life meeting people and enjoying their company for who they are and not what they can do or be for you.

And when you meet someone who you want to be with, their companionship and love will be much more than enough for you. Why? Because you’re already enough on your own. Any more than enough is more than enough.


Alone, Attract, Belief, Bond, Choice, Comfortable, Common Ground, Companion, Company, Content, Couple, Date, Dating, Emotion, Existence, Happiness, Happy, Independence, Independent, Life, Loneliness, Lonely, Lost, Love, Opposite, Other Half, Partner, Relationship, Romance, Self, Single, Solitude, Soul, Strength, Strong, Value, Void, Weakness

Meet the author

author avatar SuburbanTarzan
Life is black and white. Grey areas are for those who sit on the fence. I think way too much for my own good. If I don't write, I'll go insane. So here I am.

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author avatar Lila Bangsawan
29th Aug 2011 (#)

Dare to face the reality is how to learn loving our selves. Thank you for sharing.

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author avatar Steve Kinsman
29th Aug 2011 (#)

Yes! Yes! Yes! Love yourself first. Then you will find something to love in every other.

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author avatar juny
29th Aug 2011 (#)

It would be easier to love someone if we only knew how to love ourselves.

Nice page and interesting thoughts.

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author avatar Retired
30th Aug 2011 (#)

Nice article. Thanks for carrying the torch for the singles. Keep it up.

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