Glenn Merrilees By Glenn Merrilees, 9th Nov 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Poetry

A poem about the scurge of Scotland, the dreaded midges.


I lay beneath that moonlit sky
and i lit myself a smoke
opened up a can of beer
then i gave the fire a poke.

The air was warm, no humid
yes a balmy summers night
it was going far too easy
something wasn't right.

Yes i was sitting by that fireside
happy, chilled, but warm
then that's when i spotted it
that deadly killer swarm.

From feeling chilled and happy
to a heart now filled with fright
a million little midges
all dying for a bite.

within a milisecond
they were bighting everywhere
teeth that felt like razors
my bloodbank running bare.

I tried those fancy lotions
like "beat it" "scram" and "shoo"
but it seemed that they enjoyed it
an extra million feasting noo. (scots for now)

I couldn't stand it anymore
the pain could go no higher
so i got myself some right wet wood
and i piled it on the fire.

The smoke soon started billowing
like heavy thunderous skies
but i couldn't see a single thing
as the smoke was in my eyes.

I'm sure i heard those midges laughing
ha ha ha hee hee
blinded, scared, and choking,
they continued eating me.

I put on mosquito netting
thinking that'll fix them noo
but those cheeky little monsters
just ate their way right through.

So by now i'm going crazy
i'm half way to insane
they're up my nose and in my ears
and chewing on my brain.

I had to get away from them
i needed somewhere i could hide
so i opened up my two man tent
and got myself inside.

Took off my boots and trousers
my jacket and my fleece
opened up the sleeping bag
and thanked God for the peace.

Now that i know was premature
i nearly lost the rag
not only were they in the tent
they were in my sleeping bag.

I almost phoned the police man
criminal charges to invent
two million filthy midges
DONE!!! with loitering intent.


Humor, Humorous Poetry, Humour, Nature, Scottish

Meet the author

author avatar Glenn Merrilees
I'm a 48 year old scotsman and a mental health awareness activist. I'm also a multi- award winning multi- published (NOT self published) poet. i have read my work at conferences all over Scotland,

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author avatar Mariah
9th Nov 2013 (#)

Loved it!..I too hail fae Bonnie
Scotland..an see thay midges....
...couldnae agree wi ye more
ha ha ha.
Welcome to wikinut Glenn

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author avatar Goldfinch60
10th Nov 2013 (#)

You are right to say the scourge of Scotland. When we visit the West Coast we try to go duirng the times that the midges are supposedly not there but they soon find my wife and I. I am sure thay seek us out!

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
10th Nov 2013 (#)

Nice work and post as well!

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