My Alter Ego

wordcraze By wordcraze, 13th Jan 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Diaries

Some quests end in unexpected manners. My quest for finding my Alter Ego --- was a journey i shall always remember...

MY alter ego

Like everyone else, even i lead dual lives.
One: the way this world sees me!
Other: the way i really am!
And so I have two worlds.
One: in which we all live!
Other: in which ONLY i live!

Yea ... One can say this world where only I live is a mirage, an illusion. But it means the most to me. This world is somewhere i go to more often when i wanna run away...most likely somewhere I am, when I am drunk :P

I wouldn't say I am afraid to show my real self to the world where all are but yea I don't wanna be vulnerable and end up being hurt. I have fallen straight on my face many times and I refuse to repeat my mistakes again. This world, this real world is bad bad place. Not my fault if i think this way, it has a bad history ;) It is known to be cruel sadist who loves inflicting pain!

But whatever it is, I manage to strike a balance between this two worlds. Sometimes the choice is tough & sometimes MY world is too comforting & it is too hurting to go back to the REAL world, which actually is a mirage! But on the risk of losing sanity I take some harsh decision....

Since the time I understood what Alter Ego is, I was on a quest to find out who/what was my Alter Ego. I tried a lot, picked and chose wrong ones, realized and dropped out. Did this again and again and then finally got tiered and frustrated and left it mid way. The quest never ended though but i stopped working on it. I even consoled myself thinking "May be i don't have an Alter Ego!" But inside i hated the fact. Those were the years when talking about Alter Ego and Introspection and things like that, was said to be "trendy"...something that was totally "in vogue"... I was frustrated with myself but dint gather much courage and was kinda bored of trying....

Times passed by, days changed to years, fashions changed, new "trends" came in, some were followed, some were ignored and things that could disturb or frustrate also changed now. There were much more intense and important things that started mattering now. I had forgotten about this quest of finding my Alter Ego too....until that one day, when was in a metro city's skyscraper's 24th floor, looking out of the window and trying to see the minuscule looking things down -- i did not realize but I started comparing the world with MY world and gradually MY world overpowered. Its grip was strong and i started to believe that MY world was the only REAL world that existed. I was right there in the REAL world, but yet so far away from it....

It was then that i realized that My Alter Ego was always there with me -- and it was none other than --- MY world -- the only place in the entire universe, where i was always happy ---where i always had answers to my questions --even the impossible ones!

MY world is that hidden / masked side of me, that complete me!
MY world is sometimes beautiful -- sometimes dangerous!
MY world sometimes has the better of me & I would forget everything & only live in it for a long long time!
MY world is my ALTER EGO -- that forever is with me -- like a shadow that never dies -- making me strong and weak at the same time!!!

© Krishna Dasani, 2012

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