My personal growth on the Buddhist Path of Sacred Feminine

elizadoalot By elizadoalot, 13th Aug 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

This will be a jouney story and about gratitude and my spiritual growth. Primarily to express myself and hopefully if someone comes across it to give the some hope. I know my story is good and I want to b inspiring. If I can make a little cash awesome

How my Journey began during a final olympic hockey game

It was the night of the Canada vs Us gold medal match in Vancouver 2010. I had waited 4 years for this game. I like hockey as any Canadian. I don't watch the NHL..but international games are a matter of pride. National pride.I was in high school during the Canada Russia hockey match in 1972. We actually had all the classes watch the's in the classrooms and auditorium, we all saw Paul Henderson score the winning goal . We defeated the Russians.

Here is a link to a documentary its a couple of hours long..but it is worth a watch.
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Now back to my topic. This night began many years before in 1977 and was the culmination of 33 years of marriage. A unpleasant abusive marriage. On this Day in 2010 I started by attending my local shambhala meditation center. After we meditate ther was a talk. this day the talk was on a teaching on Idiot compassion.It resounded with me as my husband had signifigant mental health issues and I had tolerated much bad behaviour because he was "ill".
Below is a description of idiot compassion.

"Idiot compassion" is a term coined by the late Chogyam Trungpa, who said,

"Idiot compassion is the highly conceptualized idea that you want to do good to somebody. At this point, good is purely related with pleasure. Idiot compassion also stems from not have enough courage to say no."
Trungpa's student Pema Chodron elaborated,

"It refers to something we all do a lot of and call it compassion. In some ways, it's whats called enabling. It's the general tendency to give people what they want because you can't bear to see them suffering. Basically, you're not giving them what they need. You're trying to get away from your feeling of I can't bear to see them suffering. In other words, you're doing it for yourself. You're not really doing it for them."
I've said before that merely being "nice" to people isn't the same thing as being compassionate. Most niceness is just social convention; we are "nice" because it is what's expected of us, and we hope others will reciprocate. Behaving in a socially correct manner tends to reinforce our feelings of self-worth.

Most of the time there is nothing wrong with that, but it isn't the same thing as compassion. In fact, sometimes the urge to be "nice" is about maintaining a polite and pleasant facade over a situation we don't want to confront.

For example, we've had a few situations in western Buddhism in which a teacher was taking sexual advantage of students. And sometimes the situation was allowed to continue for some time, even after it became common knowledge, mostly because the other students thought they shouldn't be judgmental.

Here in Buddhist Blog World, people who speak bluntly sometimes are accused of not being compassionate or not practicing Right Speech. But sometimes issues need to be addressed, and saying the "safe" or "socially correct" thing so you can be part of the crowd is very far from Right Speech.

I ran into this awhile back after writing about the scandal-ridden but not yet former Zen teacher Dennis Genpo Merzel. Merzel is living proof that you can receive dharma transmission and still be a jerk. Yes, I said that. After damaging a series of students with his sexual predation and treating the dharma center he leads as his personal cash cow, Merzel struck back at other Zen teachers who called for him to resign.

How? He accused them of "judgmental mudslinging." Classic.

And after I wrote about this, one of Merzel's students accused me of being "vindictive" and "self-righteous" and suggested I "try a little humanity." Speaking plainly about a sexual predator wasn't being "humane," apparently. And if that's not "idiot compassion," I don't know what is.

I could offer several more examples, from this blog and many others, about anti-judgmentalists who got quite nasty and abusive toward the person they were accusing of judgmentalism. It seems to be a syndrome.

There is a difference between "judgmentalism" that tears other people down to build ourselves up, and making a qualitative judgment about a situation or behavior. If "Right Speech" means we're supposed to stand by smiling while someone kicks a dog or endangers a child, you can have it. Fortunately, that isn't what it means.

A lot of us are well conditioned to keep our noses out of other peoples' sexual activities, and it can be really uncomfortable to speak up, especially when the alleged perpetrator is a respected teacher. It's so much easier to shrug things off, avert your eyes, and tell yourself you are not being judgmental.

But those are the times when you really aren't being judgmental, because it's not your ego telling you to speak up. If your guts are telling you to something needs to be addressed, but you fear doing so because of how other people will react, then it's your ego telling you to stay quiet. It's protecting itself.

If you have to club your way through a internal wall of conditioning and fear of social censure to speak up, very probably you really need to speak up. And everyone else needs it, too.

When I came home, I came to a very unhappy home and my mental status was not good. It had been deteriorating rapidly..earlier that week my husband had SCREAMED for 13 years..I was at the breaking point.

When the accusations and screaming began at the start of the hockey game..I left the game picked up the biggest suitcase and began to pack. I called my mother..who was was everyone else and made arrangements to go to her place.I drove off in my yellow mustang gt bullet. I have never looked back. I have never regreted a moment of the marriage, as it made me who I am today..and I have continually put one foot in front of the other and moved along the path I was destined to.

When I came into alignment with my life and values the most wonderful things began to happen. I began to be the person I knew I was. I have many mountains to climb.but I am so grateful to finally live the life I was meant to. My life grows better and better every day and I am so optimistic that I will live in the way I was meant to. So come back and see where this journey will be inspired


Buddha, Buddhism, Dakini, Enlightenment, Finding A Mate, Finding Harmony, Finding Inner Self, Finding Love, Finding Oneself, Finding Peace, Goddess, Law Of Attraction, Meditation, Mind Training, Mindful, Psychology, Sacred Feminine, Shambhala, Spirituality, The Fourth Way

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author avatar elizadoalot
I have been embarking on my spiritual journey after leaving a abusive marriage. I have had the most beautiful people come into my life. I wish to write about how we cantake the most difficult times an

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
13th Aug 2012 (#)

Nice share. We need to shed our baggage once in a while, however painful it is, to look ahead. Life is too short to live in misery brought upon us by others - siva

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author avatar elizadoalot
13th Aug 2012 (#)

Isn't that true. I am shedding and pealing back the onion..and each layer feels better and better

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