Needs Of The Many, Outweigh The Needs Of A Mom

EmpressStarred Page By Empress, 26th Jul 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Columns & Opinions

As a mother, I have found there to be many times where I feel like I'm being used in a game of tug-o-war. Multi tasking is a skill I have mastered. But these days, I'm thinking I might have put just a bit too much on my plate. Helping other moms is a passion of mine, but now it's interfering with my own life...

Supportive Group

Here I sit in front of my laptop. I have so many things that need to get done, cleaning, and organizing, boys to put to bed and a mountain of research to do. Why am I still sitting here? Over a year ago I started a support group with my best friend for mothers. It had become clear to us that most mothers felt the way we did. Locked away from the world, left to take care of the household and feeling utterly alone. After joining several different mother groups on facebook, and being removed from all of them for the smallest little comments, we decided it was time to take matters into our own hands.
It has not been an easy feat. Women, by nature, are much touchier and far more difficult to keep calm. Our first facebook group crashed and burned when a small group of the mean mom's invaded our group and destroyed the sanctity and trust of the other moms. So we started over. Brand new group, new name....took us three days to put the pieces of our support group back together.

My Need To Help

The group, for the most part, has been a major success. Many of the mom's that have joined have found lasting friendships and have felt safe enough to ask every question there is to ask. Everything from sex to children, we don't censor much. We make a good team, my friend and I, in keeping things calm and in control. While my friend is far more censored and a bit more on the conservative side, I myself don't get offended by much and usually tell it like it is. While she deals more with the issues of child rearing and friendships, I deal with all the other issues. When it comes to any trouble, drama, or a trouble maker I'm usually the one to investigate and deal with the problem.
But, for how smooth the group now runs, I have found myself in a deeper problem. The reason why I sit at this laptop with my cell by my side instead of doing my much needed personal work. It is no secret that I have a need to help people. And my need to help others worked well with starting the group. But now, on a very constant and regular basis I find even more than I can handle in the matter of helping. I am always getting messages, texts, even the occasional phone call from these ladies asking for advice or a sounding board.

I Need A Million Arms

Although I do very much want to help everyone out, I find myself growing thin on patience these days. Though some of the issues and problems I deal with are of a valid concern and worth helping with, I find that a great number of them are just so small, so miniscule that I just want to ask "Are you freaking kidding me?!? I just burned my casserole and let my two year old crap on the carpet for this?!" I do my best to multi-task my time but sometimes there just aren't enough brain cells, ears, and hands to function properly. There are certainly moments when I want to smash my head into the perverbial brick wall and mutter every curse word under my breath.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that the smallest of issues in my opinion could be quite large to the person dealing with the issue. They wouldn't come to me if they didn't feel it was of some importance. And I quite understand that sometimes an objective view makes all the difference. Sometimes just venting is all someone needs to deal with the problem.

Need Time Off

With all of this being said....the fact remains, I need a VACATION. On top of trying to handle everyone else's problems, I've been running a household virtually on my own, meanwhile dealing with four boys that, well let's just say it, I'm constantly prying off one another; seriously, is that all boys do? wrestle? I'm also in the midst of cleaning up from a nasty breakup that happened over a year ago already. All these things compiled into one heap, while trying to keep my own sanity has been, well, challenging to say the very least. I'm running on low fuel these days. Rockstars and coffee are my best friend, my bed is something I rarely get to see, and miss more than anything. I usually plunk myself down by 4:30 am and have to be up before 8 each morning before the terror tornado that is my boys tears the house apart. And the messages and constant issues don't stop when I shut down my laptop. My phone rarely gets a break, some nights I actually have to put it on silent to finally rest. Turning off my phone isn't really an option. I have four rambunctious boys, and a family that lives half ways across the country, my phone needs to be on.

Fine Balance

My biggest wish these days? The fantasy that mainly plays it's way through my mind? A cabin or deserted island somewhere. No cell service, just nature and me. Even for just a weekend. This would be my one and only birthday wish. To finally be able to sit and breathe and not have to think about everything everyone else is going through. Ah, it's nearly orgasmic.
Of course in a few short days my boys go to their father's for a week and yes, in some way I finally get some semblance of peace within my life for a while. But my phone will continue to go off, my laptop will continue to run....and the needs of the many will outweigh the needs of me.
My dream, my fantasy, my wish, will never come true. This I've accepted. I've left myself bound to this existence. And although it fills greatly the need I have to help others, it also greatly takes away from my other needs. There is a fine balance to life. Sure wish I could find mine.....

Tags

Kids, Support, Support Group, Supporting Others, Vacation

Meet the author

author avatar Empress
I write and have published poetry and was editor of the school newspaper all through highschool. I can write a variety of different genres from articles to novels

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Comments

author avatar happyfeetmama
27th Jul 2013 (#)

Four boys? Oh my! I only have a toddler girl that plays like a boy and there are days that I just want to hammer my head to the wall lol. It's good that you enjoy helping others and thrive on that but it sounds like you need more ME time. Hope when your boys go over to their dads you will be able to enjoy some quality time doing nothing. Just remember to Turn off your cell and computer

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