No, it's not important.

Claerwyn Anwylaeth By Claerwyn Anwylaeth, 7th Jul 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1rjf6m1c/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

Personal experiences of my life. Please, if you wish to judge... go elsewhere.

I remember.

I was rather young when you were first diagnosed apparently. You accused Dad of hurting me when I was but a babe in nappies; he was concerned and sought medical advice for you. He's done that all along hasn't he? Cared for you. Cherised you. Loved you when your own parents turned you away from their doorstep. It's why he's never walked away; he's come close, but never to have finished the deed. After all, who would care for you then? Society shuns those affected with schizophrenia, (hurr hurr, hearing voices! you must be schiz!; the amount of times I have heard those jokes... ) and you would end up on the street in no time.

Can we talk?

But I would talk to you, and I would censor. Imagine, having to lie about where I was going, and who I was seeing - because you couldn't understand why I would want to see someone, since, you knew they were evil, and only out to punish me. The anguish I felt at trying to get through to you, trying to make you understand, trying to make you see that these people were my friends, that they loved me - they cared for me and would never harm me.

But it never worked. Keep in mind ladies and gentlemen, that this is an irrational disease. It hurts, harms, maims and kills the mind of not only the sufferer, but all those around the sufferer- their support crew.

Soon, I was questioning if these people were really my friends too.

But you loved me.

You were my mother - you were my giver of life. You picked me up when I hurt, and you kissed and hugged me when I cried.
We fight now
We fought then
But everytime I hop in a car, or go somewhere, I say I love you.
because, despite all of the pain I suffer because of you, I know that no amount of pain I ever go through will compare to the amount you cop everyday, just listening to those voices in your head tightening the thumbscrews, and rigging the noose.

You are my inspiration and one of my guiding lights.
I love you, Mum. You are incredible.
You are a fighter; just like I have now been trained to be.
Thank you, schizophrenia and bipolar for threatening my mum - she's beating you, one day at at time.
She's an amazing woman, who cares so much for her children and husband.
and she fights.

Tags

Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Disorder Symptoms, Children, Family, Fight Illness, Fight Sadness, Fighter, Fighting, Fighting Back, Love, Loved Ones, Schizophrenia

Meet the author

author avatar Claerwyn Anwylaeth
Let there be purple in your life, love in your heart and a tea kettle in your house. May the road rise to meet you and the path run downwards all the way to your door. Blessed be; and enjoy my writing's :)

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Comments

author avatar Denise O
21st Feb 2011 (#)

Such a hard disease for all involved I agree. My dear friend is the caretaker of her sister with schizophrenia, not a easy job. I am the careatker of my older brother and have been for 15 years. He is dx'd as a psychotic manic depressive, he is midly mentally challenged from birth and he is also a epiletic. Not easy but, well worth it.
Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar Claerwyn Anwylaeth
21st Feb 2011 (#)

Yeah, it's a disease more common than most think... It is left outside in terms of people being aware of the effects it has upon families, and unless you've been through it yourself, a lot of times people don't quite understand. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me (:

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author avatar Songbird B
22nd Feb 2011 (#)

Claerwyn, this is such a special article....You truly write from the heart my friend....Thank you for sharing something so private as with....

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author avatar Claerwyn Anwylaeth
22nd Feb 2011 (#)

Thanks Songbird... It is a pretty private topic, but one close to my heart. by the way, are you an alto or soprano?

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author avatar Songbird B
22nd Feb 2011 (#)

I have been told that I am a mezzo soprano, but as I sing Jazz, I stay in the lower range, Claerwyn, as it suits my voice better, but thank you so much for asking...

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author avatar Retired
22nd Feb 2011 (#)

Very well written.

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author avatar Claerwyn Anwylaeth
23rd Feb 2011 (#)

Oh, lovely Songbird :). I'm a contralto - (secretly I'm a man! :P).

Thank you for your kind comments Martin :)

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author avatar richardpeeej
25th Feb 2011 (#)

Thank you for spilling out your heart to us all. I can see that you love the finer things in life such as music, you must get a lot of pleasure from this my friend

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author avatar Rathnashikamani
22nd Apr 2011 (#)

You wrote, "no amount of pain I ever go through will compare to the amount you cop everyday," and that speaks volumes about the intensity of your love.

Your expression touched my heart.

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author avatar Claerwyn Anwylaeth
8th May 2011 (#)

Thank you rathnashikamani. Your kind comments are greatly appreciated :)

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author avatar Tranquilpen
14th Dec 2011 (#)

Your coping skills seem to work just fine for you Claerwyn,

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author avatar Claerwyn Anwylaeth
16th Mar 2012 (#)

Thanks Tranquil... although I will admit it is very difficult some days.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
16th Mar 2012 (#)

Sure it's difficult not only at times my friend but most of the time, I now, but here is the bright side, you have come this far using some very original coping skills, can you see dear friend, therein lies your niche, to which is to write about your experiences in coping with the condition, for as sure as the Lord made apples, there are people out there tearing their hair out, not knowing how to cope with it as well as you do:-)) \0/

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