No Dates, Non Dates and Weird Dates

Carol Roach By Carol Roach, 4th Nov 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1qjimhp6/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>True Stories

This story is true but meant to be humorous. It is about my dating experience. I never ran around like the trolls on Wikinut think. I had very few dates with and I was alone for 23 years before I found the love of my live and I have been with him for 16 years now.

Introduction

I am sure each and every one of us can come up with a tale or two about some strange dates we may have had or have heard that our family members or friends have had. I would like to share a few of mine with you. Like I said in the summary, I never ran around and I had but a few dates. I was alone for 23 years before I met the love of my life. We have been together for 16 years.

That being said here is the story of my dating.

No date category

Let's start with that fact that I am an overweight woman. So my perspective of course will be from a woman's point of view, but that does not mean that men have had it easy with us either. There are a bunch of strange women out there too and I invite any man to tell me his strange date stories as well.

Now having said that, back to my stories.

I have been overweight all of my life so the first category of date would have to be:

No Date

I am told it is easier to be overweight in the United States, but in Montreal, being overweight is a social disaster. Young men do not like to date overweight women, and as my own son says,

"it is a major physical turn off."

Some of you may remember from my earlier stories that I wasn't very successful dating throughout high school. Boys would literally tell me I had a pretty face but I was way too big for their liking. I did manage to find a man and get married then I got divorced.

"After divorce dating" is a new experience, which comes with its own set of problems. I was still fat so the pool of men was limited by that factor. It was also limited by a few other factors as well.

I was a single parent. I had a 4 year old to raise entirely on my own. My ex returned to his homeland. I certainly wasn't about to jump from the frying pan into the fire. I had to be somewhat selective, I knew the pain of loving someone and then losing him through divorce, but more importantly I had to look out for my young son. So my dating successes pretty much remained in the NO DATE category.

One time my friend Paula, a Sicilian woman, told me she knew a young widower who was looking for a new wife. I admit I would have entertained the idea until she went on to say that he had five small children all under the age of six. Then there was my son, who was six at the time to think about as well. Lord have mercy, I had trouble raising one child and to think I would have to raise six little children, not me, not now, not ever.

She was indignant about it. She said, " You keep complaining you can't find anyone, this guy is available and wants to get married. He is so desperate he will marry anybody."

Need I say more?


Yes it was true I was having a hard time finding somebody. Most of the guys I knew said my weight was a turn off. Others just wanted a good time; no ties, no commitment just a girl to bed when they were in the mood. I was not into that scene at all.

Then there was the third class of men that I was running into that said they were looking for a single woman with no children. Either they never had any and didn't want any, or they wanted their own offspring sprung from the fruit of their loins. Some of them told me they already had kids who lived with the ex wives, they weren't raising their own so they weren't about to raise another man's children either.

My chances were slim, even my friends other than Paula could not set me up with anyone.

I joined a single parent organization hoping to meet someone, but it was a "meat market" there. The men were after all the slim pretty women, heck they didn't have to be pretty they just had to be slim.

You could walk into any single parent dance on a Saturday night and see all the slim women up dancing and the fat women sitting down looking at everybody dance with longing in their eyes. The men would approach the women to dance but very few ever approached a fat woman.

Note to the trolls

Which brings me to the second category:

Non Date




I was not a dancer myself, so that was a good reason to work the dances. I would be on the door selling tickets or I was part of the clean up crew. When I wasn't working I was sitting with my girlfriends who would get up and dance with some guy and sit back down and talk to me when the dance was through.

Sometimes a guy would call me up to talk on the phone. He had my number because I just happened to be the membership director of the chapter that I belonged to.

There were a few guys that I was really interested in, who frequently called me and we chatted for hours on the phone. I had my hopes up. I thought they were interested in me but it turns out they either just wanted a friend, or wanted me to explain to them how a woman's mind operated. As naive as I was at the time, I figured if I went along with the conversations, they would see me for the good person I was and want to date me. It never happened. As soon as they found someone, they stopped calling me. I finally wizened up and decided that I would put some of these guys straight.

Gary talked to me at one dance, and yes I was sitting with my friend Gina. He spoke to both of us and I thought that was really nice of him; most men ignored me and flirted with the very beautiful Gina. He started calling me and I was glad to speak to him. I thought maybe he might be warming up to ask me for a date, just like I thought the same about all the others before him. However, no matter what we were talking about the conversation eventually came around to Gina. Finally after one of these conversations, I said to him,

"Do you call me up to talk to me or just to find out about Gina?"

Gary answered, "To find out about Gina of course, did you think I was really interested in you?"

That really hurt and I was livid. I told him if he was all that interested in Gina, then maybe he should call her himself and leave me alone.

He replied he was too shy and he needed to know from me if she would date him before he made his move.

I told him point blank, if he wanted to find out about Gina, to call her himself and I hung up.

I then told Gina and she got mad and called him up and told him not to be talking to her friends about her and if he had anything to say then to call her directly.

It seems she didn't stay mad for too long because they dated for a while after that.

The second non date was the weirdest of them all. As I mentioned previously I worked the dances. One night I was sitting down taken a break, the dance was almost over and I was just waiting for the last dance to be called so that I could start cleaning up. A strange man came over and just sat down. He started talking to me. He was rather loud and annoying and tried to putting his hands down the back of my pants. He said his full name, which I will call, Saul Eisenberg for the sake of this article. I told him to stop and leave me alone. He insisted,

"I want to take you to Metropolitan, I want to take you to a nice dinner afterwards, I am rich you know."

"Oh lovely," I thought, "I wonder if that line worked on other women, but sure the heck wasn't going to work on me."

He hung around and followed me around as I did the cleanup and followed me out the door when it was over. I was going to hail a taxi and he said he would share one with me. He had to get out first and so he would give me enough extra to pay the taxi to take me home.

"You don't have your own car?" I said, "I thought you were rich?"

He responded his car was in the shop. We took the taxi together and argued all the way. After he got out of the taxi and paid the fare including mine, the taxi driver said to me,

"It is none of my business Madame, but you will not have a boyfriend long if you treat him that way."

He is not my boyfriend", I said in exasperation, he just thinks he is."

Many years later I befriended a Jewish woman who lived in my building. I recounted the story and how weird this guy was. When I said he said he was rich and what a come on line I thought it to be, she said she knew the Jewish community very well. She asked his name.

"Guess what, Saul Eisenberg is rich," she said. "He father Saul Eisenberg, senior, is a big real estate tycoon, you know that block of houses at the corner of Somerled and Cote St. Luc, well that is just one of the 200 properties or so the old man owns. Saul junior is the same age as my son, they used to hang around together."

I guess that I made a mistake there, but not really, this guy was just too weird for me.

Now we go on to the end of this article and talk about:

Weird Dates


I left the single parent association when I went on to university. I just did not have the time anymore to be involved. I had no luck at the university finding anybody there either. I was 37 and the guys in my classes were in the 20's and that was way too young for me. I hadn't dated in years and frankly I was lonesome.

I decided to call telepersonals, a telephone introduction service. I found out rather quickly if I mentioned I was overweight, I would never get any calls. I decided not to mention my looks up front. I would talk to the guys first. If it came to a point that it looked like we might have something in common, I would let them know what I looked like just before we met so if they wanted to back out they would have the chance. That way we would not be wasting each other's time.

You guessed it, most of the guys backed out before they met me. However, there were a few who still agreed to meet me claiming they had no issue with weight.

Now for the dates, bear in mind the men are told ahead of time that I am overweight. Though I did not get any stand ups, I got men that said they were 40 and were closer to 65. I got guys who gulped down their coffee so fast that I thought they would burn themselves, and then made the excuse they had somewhere else to go, and I got guys who were too embarrassed to look at me and would look anywhere else in the room. Obviously, I never got callbacks from any of these guys.

Ronald was the exact opposite. He wouldn't take his eyes off of me. He stared. I felt very uncomfortable and even told him that. Ronald said other women told him the same thing; he stared too much. He asked what else was he supposed to do. He was taught to give his date his undivided attention.

I told him though it was flattering, not to take it so literally. Of course he needed to look at his date, but sometimes he needed to look elsewhere such as at his plate of food, the waiter, the clock anything to avoid staring. We went out one more time and he did the exact same thing. That was it for me I couldn't stand it.

Morris was a nice man but the poor guy sat down to have dinner with me and couldn't stop sneezing. He had watery eyes and couldn't see. Half way through the meal he excused himself and said he didn't feel well and had to go home. Morris was allergic to my cats. Rest assured I never got a call back from him.

Finally the piece de resistance as they say.

I met a nice man by the name of Steve. We had a great first date and I was even surprised he asked for a second one. Only he asked if I would mind going to his place. He said he was out of a job and frankly dates were expensive. I felt at ease with Steve and I went to his house. He was a gentleman there as well. However the poor man didn't have any food in his fridge and offered me a coffee but did not have any milk to put in it. He was not lying when he said he did not have any money.

I knew he was actively looking for work. Steve was an accountant in the field of urban planning. We spoke for about a week on the phone and then he sprung the bad news for me but good news for him. He landed a job in a neighbouring province. He promised he would call me from Ottawa, Canada's Capital city where he'd be working. This job was with the Canadian government.

Time went by and I didn't hear from him. I figured he moved on and the Montreal chapter of his life was over.

Out of the blue I get a telephone call from him about a year later. He was still in Ottawa but was going to work in Florida on a special contract. He said he was coming to Montreal to clear up some loose ends before he relocated to the states and he really wanted to see me. He apologized for not keeping in touch but he just threw himself into his work and didn't do much of anything else.

We agreed to meet the next night and I didn't hear from him. I had no way of contacting him and that was it, I never heard from him again until maybe nine months later when he called me from Florida. Again he apologized for not seeing me in Montreal before he left but said he was busy and was in a rush to get his things in order. He also mentioned that he didn't call when he got to Florida because,

"Well frankly what kind of relationship could we have, I live in Florida now," he said.

However, he had some business in Montreal, for his work this time and would be coming in a month or so, would I like to go for a coffee? Again I said yes thinking this time it would be different but it wasn't. I never heard from him.

Around a year after that he calls again. I asked what happened and he said, the business deal fell through and he never got to come to Montreal. But this time he was coming for sure. He would be in Montreal the following evening. He was working on the planning committee for the new soon to be erected Molson Forum. He even gave me his cell phone number to contact him. I waited for the next evening and I contacted him again no answer, and back he went to Florida.

The last time I heard from him, was again about another year after his last call and that would take us to maybe 20 years ago. He asked if I had somebody in my life and I said no. He was still living in Florida and said to me,

"I thought surely you would be with somebody by now." He said he was thinking a lot about me and was thinking if I was willing maybe we could start a relationship, he planned on coming home to live in Montreal in the next few years. Just like all the other times, he would be back in Montreal to visit family the next evening and would like to see me. He gave me his phone number. This time I told him, that he didn't have to pretend to want to see me, if all he wanted was to talk to me when he was in town we could do that. All I asked is that he tell me the truth.

He swore to me that he wanted more than to talk to me on the phone; he wanted to see me and see if we could get a relationship going. He was serious. Same deal as before he gave me his cell phone number and there was no answer when I called.

Steve was the strangest personality I have ever come across. I still cannot figure out what all of it was about. Why promise to see someone so many times, and not bother to show up or even call to cancel?

Shortly afterwards I met my Matt. It has been 16 years and we are still together. We are life partners.

I moved from where I used to live and changed phone numbers. Steve doesn't have my new number. It is unlisted. I don't know if he ever tried to contact the old number after that, and frankly I don't care. However, I would still like to know what makes a guy like that do those weird things?

Note: Note to my trolls, no I never slept with any of those men. We never had more than one or two dates. Contrary to what you believe, trolls, not every woman is a whore.


All photos taken from the public domain

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Tags

Dating, Fat Women, Going On Dates, Looking For A Date, Not Being Able To Get A Date, Single Parent, Weird Dates

Meet the author

author avatar Carol Roach
Retired therapist and author of two books, freelance writer, newsletter editor, and blogger. I write, health, mental health, women's issues, animal , celebrity, history, and SEO articles.

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Comments

author avatar vickylass
4th Nov 2015 (#)

You've really described so well what men are like and dating! I agree with you in being bit selective even when one wishes to have a partner, especially if one's passed its 30's. At 18, we accept just anyone so long as we have boyfriend, but as we add on years, we start being selective and it's perfectly right. Glad to read that you didn't want this man with six children "desperate to marry anyone" He most probably couldn't cope. By the way, are you fat because you eat all the wrong things or bis it because of your nature or an illness?

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author avatar Carol Roach
4th Nov 2015 (#)

I am an emotional eater and I ate all the wrong things. I just had weight loss surgery and I lost 66 pounds so far.

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author avatar vickylass
4th Nov 2015 (#)

To have lost such a big amount is great. Congratulations! Actually, I'd say that being obese is very bad for health. One may not be liked by men if one is fat or obese, but in the end what matters most is our health. Keep eating rationally three square meals a day and no nibbling in between meals and do regular exercises and your efforts will be rewarded in no time. Best wishes!

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
4th Nov 2015 (#)

Awesome post Carol, cheers!

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author avatar onenow
4th Nov 2015 (#)

Thanks for sharing your experiences. It takes courage to do this.

- Elliott

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author avatar Susan Hauck
5th Nov 2015 (#)

Wonderful share! I enjoyed it very much. Keep at it!

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