Nourishing the heart of a relationship

Prienderen Moodley By Prienderen Moodley, 20th Dec 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Columns & Opinions

Addresses the reader who is either keen to know what it takes to be in a relationship or those who have preconceived notions about being in a relationship. It also defines what a relationship is, be it romantic or otherwise. Looks at relationships through different angles to help the reader understand there are many points of view to any given situation or stage in a relationship

Love and its consequences

There are a few million dollar questions that circle the mind and swim in the inexperienced heart. The first of which is what is a relationship? A relationship is the process of at least two creatures (not necessarily humans) relating and communicating with each other. The second question is what does it take to be in a relationship? This question is not so easy to answer. The reason being that there are several types of relationships: Parent and child, same sex friendships, different sex friendships, romantic relationships, and sibling relationships and so on.

One thing that all these have in common though is that it takes work to first of all establish a relationship and even more work to maintain and nourish the relationship.
Many of us have this idea that it’s simple to just get into a relationship, go to work every day, come home and that connection will automatically just be there. This unfortunately couldn't be further from the truth. It takes a fair deal of deliberation to get psychologically and emotionally tuned in to any relationship. Without this deliberation there will come a stage where that initial connection among those concerned will eventually fizzle out and somewhere down the line vanish.

The important thing is to understand what it takes to maintain that emotional and psychological connection. It dawns on this author that the reason for many relationships coming apart is not that people change but that people stop doing what they used to in the beginning of the relationship. A simple example would be a guy bringing his girlfriend flowers regularly to show her how important and special to him. This habit actually creates and maintains a spark and adds to the already blossoming romance between the two. It is not uncommon for that sort of treatment to fall by the wayside a short time into the marriage however. This could be for a variety of reasons. Maybe the guy just feels that they are married so she already knows how much he loves her and knows how special she is to him. It could also be the stress of work as he becomes more established in his line of work. He comes home exhausted so he doesn't have enough energy to put into his relationship with his wife.

Either way the result could be extremely undesirable. Whether or not a spouse knows he or she is loved it is always nice and indeed necessary to be reassured that the love, care and emotional support and of course the romantic feeling for him or her is still there. Without that reassurance it doesn't take much for the question 'Doesn't he love me anymore' to loiter in the human heart and thus cause emotional turmoil. This emotional uncertainty may lead to him or her questioning the spouse and a quarrel may ensue. The mind may understand why the spouse has stopped the romantic behavior but the heart doesn't. To avoid all these difficulties it is vital not only to maintain previous behavior but also to add a few more activities to avoid monotony. A little bit of variety never hurts any relationship. It is however important to stick to activities that don't go against what either of the people's beliefs. These activities must stimulate and maintain passion (not confined to physical) in the relationship. It is the passion in the relationship that keeps the individuals tied to each other. This passion is the passion that they feel for each other and for who each other is and for the love, romance and other emotions felt in the relationship. Without this passion the heart may stop beating for each other and that bond would be seriously challenged and may be destroyed.

I used a romantic relationship as an example but this work (obviously not the same kinds of activities) applies to all relationships. Business may make the mind tired but that still is no excuse for leaving our most precious relationships uncared for and neglected. It doesn't take a lot of time to buy a Christmas card or a 'I love you mum' card or a bouquet of flowers, and furthermore there will be times for those romantic dinners or romantic cruises or walks on the beach or any other activities that keep the hearts bonded for eternity. So whatever relationships you are in simply compare that to taking care of a plant - without constant love, support, patience and care for the plant eventually it will die. The same goes for human relationships - there will be many occasions on which our patience is tested. This could be because our loved ones are going through a difficult phase or maybe because we had a huge fight with them or there are trust issues. Whatever the case may be the key is to remain calm and patient and to always get past the bad emotion felt and to help each other through whatever experience the loved ones are going through. Of course it won't be easy and the amount of time taken to resolve these issues may stretch our emotional, psychological and mental resources but the payoff is huge and the stakes are too high to throw in the towel. When we help our loved ones get past their issues it would only strengthen the bonds we have with them and the love that we feel will even grow. So all things considered it takes a whole lot of work to maintain a relationship and indeed to have a fair amount of fun while doing that.

Here are links to a few of my other pages :-

The short arm of the law
Into the arms of a killer
The outcast of love
Walking down the isle


Love, Love And Desire, Love And Soul, Love At First Sight, Love Romance Definition What Is It, Love You, Loved Ones, Lovely, Lover, Lovers, Relations, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Relationship Issues, Relationship Problems, Relationships, Relationships Dating, Relationships Love, Romance, Romantic, Romantic Love, Romanticism

Meet the author

author avatar Prienderen Moodley
Writing is about the heart, I want to touch peoples' hearts about something important like love. If something touches the heart, it makes it thought provoking.

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