Of Slugs and Snails ..A Humorous Tale..

Songbird BStarred Page By Songbird B, 12th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2q1zgtwb/
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Poetry

2012 was the official second wettest year on record here in the UK, and if gardens were not being flooded out, they were being slowly decimated by one of the greatest garden pests that ever lived..the dreaded Gastropod, or Slugs and Snails as they are better known..
Wholesale destruction could be wrought by these little critters in the dead of night, and in 2012, we were under attack..

Sometimes Being Kind To Nature..

I bet this video will make you smile..

I am not a violent soul,
in fact I’m kind of gentle,
but something very slimy now
is making me so mental.

I hear them crunching in the night,
as rain it softly patters..
Slithering up the garden path..
It’s driving me quite crackers!

Can Be Highly Over-rated..

Munching on my lovely plants,
till they are decimated..
Being kind to nature
I think is highly over-rated..

Oh to dispose of every snail,
put these slimy slugs at rest..
With my rubber mallet handy,
I will eradicate this pest.

When You Are Under Invasion..

It is a little squishy,
not for squeamish folk I fear..
Perhaps we’ll let them breathe their last
in a trap filled up with beer.

You could even play Slug Tennis,
have them flying airborne bound,
or if like me you’ve lost the plot,
blow them up from underground..

From The Worst Garden Pest Of All..The Gastropod!

And up in Sluggy heaven,
they can munch to their delight,
long as not in my garden,
planning attack in the dead of night.

I’m really not requesting much,
as I sob, and rant and moan..
Oh Gastropods I beg of you,
PLEASE LEAVE MY PLANTS ALONE!

Some Amazing Sluggy Facts..

Did You Know...?

Slugs blood is actually green? Yes really!

They don't actually need a mate to mate, if you see what I mean, as they are hermaphrodites, containing both sets of male and female sexual organs, but I guess that mating with another slug is a lot more fun..

Slugs actually used to live in the ocean and can swim..

Only a very small amount of the little critters stay above ground, they can do just as much damage under the soil, out of sight, laying eggs and eating the roots of your favourite plants..

They are reported to have 27,000 teeth!! (I don't want to get close enough to count them!)

Slugs and snails cannot hear but they can smell with their body..

It is said that Slugs have been around since the beginning of the Ice Age..

A Slug can have up to a six year life span..Not in my garden it can't!

A really scary one this..A field Slug could produce up to 90,000 grand-slugs in its lifetime as they can lay 20 to 100 eggs several times a year..

It is true, Slugs leave a scent trail behind, to help guide them back home..

Britain is home to about 30 different species of Slugs.. I know, I think I have most of them!!!!

Credits and Acknowledgements..

Credits:
Thanks to youtube and contributors for embedded videos.
Thanks to Sluggy Facts for factual Slug info.
All images used are Author's own copyright and not to be be re-used without permission.

If you enjoyed this, please check out my Profile and other humorous poems here on Wikinut:
Follically Challenged.
Life's just Too Short To Diet..
The Dentist Chair..
The Trouble With Cramp..
An Ode On Car Insurance..
My Tattooed Man..

Why not join our friendly Wikinut community, and earn royalties when you publish? We'd love to meet you..\0/

Tags

Beer Traps, Damage, Destructive, Destructive Force, Edible, Garden, Garden Pests, Gardener, Gardening, Gardening Poetry, Gastropods, Humour, Nature, Plants, Rainfall, Slime, Slugs, Songbird B, Songbird B Poetry, Trails

Meet the author

author avatar Songbird B
Hi there! I am Songbird B, and I am a semi-pro female Jazz vocalist. I have a huge passion for Jazz music, and I love writing Poetry, which I have done all my life. I am very Spiritual in my beliefs, and love Photography, Music and Garden Design....I...(more)

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Comments

author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

Wow! that was fast Mark!!! Hope it made you smile my friend..Thank you so much for the Star Merit too! This was fun to do..\0/x

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author avatar Steve Kinsman
12th May 2013 (#)

Thanks, Bev, for giving me a great laugh to begin my day, but that's more facts about slugs than I ever wanted to know.

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

LOL..Oh Steve, I could have added so much more too! hahaha..Not my most favourite little critters but almost fascinating in an odd kind of way..The videos were great fun weren't they? Thanks for looking in on me \0/x

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author avatar C.D. Moore
12th May 2013 (#)

Brilliant article! and so funny! Loved the videos. Thankyou,Songbird

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

Glad you enjoyed it C.D..This is heart-felt believe me after the little blighters decimated my garden last year! The videos are great fun aren't they? Thanks for looking in on me my friend..\0/x

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
12th May 2013 (#)

I love the facts. I do not mind them in my garden but then again, the free range chickens will eat them.

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

Ah, you are a true Virgo Mark, just like me! lol.. We have a couple of chickens living next doors, but their owner says they won't eat slugs..Just our luck!!! lol \0/x

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author avatar Tranquilpen
12th May 2013 (#)

This was a fascinating article a bout snails and I loved the videos too. On a serious note, You could maybe add a few Escargot (snails) recipes to your poem and the miraculous skin rejuvenating substance (Snailtone) found in the "slimy" substance which is contained in their trails. Thank you.

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

Now being a Brit, Andre', we just can't get our head around how people can cook and eat them, so I shall leave that to someone with a stronger stomach than I my friend..As for the snailtone..that's a new one on me altogether. They say that as they absorb water, the only way to remove the slime from your hands is to use vinegar..Yeuk! Thanks for looking in on me dear friend..It's good to see your smiling face once again on my pages..\0/x

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author avatar Carol
12th May 2013 (#)

Wonderful work, I am not keen on snails, but your images are really close up and interesting. Well done!

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

Thank you Carol, I'm not fond of them either, lol, but what one will do to grab a close up shot..I'm a true pro with nerves of steel..hahahahaha \0/x

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
12th May 2013 (#)

such fun this piece Bev..yes I had a great laugh altho the slugs were pretty gross...as Carol says Well done!!!

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

Probably to another Gastropod they are beautiful Carolan..lol. Guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder or someone with a strong stomach! Glad you enjoyed the videos, they are only short, but they are fun!\0/x

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author avatar Penny W-T
12th May 2013 (#)

Wicked ! what a great sense of humour. It's amazing how you make snails look actually like-able (from a distance).

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

Must admit, I have a wicked sense of humour Penny as some of my links above demonstrate..lol. Great to see you here on my page my friend.. I had to get way tooooo close for comfort to the little critters to take the macro photos, and I wouldn't mind but they wouldn't even smile for the camera! LOL \0/x

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author avatar richardpeeej
12th May 2013 (#)

Haha Bev I had a chuckle when I read this one my friend. I haven't been on here for a while but hope to get on here more often now and catch up with what I've missed....take care and keep them coming (and I don't mean the slugs lol) x

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

You have been missed dear heart, but so good to see you back on my page..So glad you enjoyed my Sluggy poem..\0/x

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author avatar Mariah
12th May 2013 (#)

Ha Ha Ha
Bev this is absolutely brilliant,
the words of the poem are so clever and hilarious and the videos are a hoot! So right up my street.. pure comedy gold. loved it
Very well done my dear friend
and thank you for the laughs
absolute tonic.
Mariahxx

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author avatar Songbird B
12th May 2013 (#)

Hi Mariah..I had great fun doing this, and the videos are pure magic aren't they? If I can put a smile on someone else's face for a while, I am a contented soul indeed dear friend..Lovely to see you here Mariah..Hugs..\0/x

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author avatar Kingwell
13th May 2013 (#)

Oh Songbird - this is just wonderful. The videos are superb too. I must admit that I'm not a fan of the little critters - but I suppose they must have a purpose. In any case I trust Mother Nature - BUT KEEP THEM AWAY FROM MEEEE lol!

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author avatar Songbird B
13th May 2013 (#)

Hahahahahahaha..Oh Kingwell my friend, you are far from alone with disliking these horrible slimy varmints..I was so brave getting in that close with my camera..I was in therapy for weeks afterwards! The things I will do for my art..LOL..\0/x

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author avatar sue armstrong
13th May 2013 (#)

Really clever poem and fascinating lot of things I never wanted to know about slugs!
Really brightened my morning up.

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author avatar Songbird B
13th May 2013 (#)

Hello Sue, thank you so much for looking in on me..Glad that you enjoyed my article my friend0/x

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
13th May 2013 (#)

The slugs have made their presence felt through your wonderful feast, Songbird! But I too cannot imagine them on my plate unless I am reborn totally different. I do hope this issue is just a memory now - siva

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author avatar Songbird B
13th May 2013 (#)

Hello dear Siva...Though our year isn't quite as wet as last year's, snails and slugs are still in abundance here I'm afraid..Like you my friend, I could never ever imagine eating this form of delicacy..I shall leave that to our French cousins across the Channel ..lol. Bless you for looking in on me my friend..\0/x

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author avatar Terry Trainor
13th May 2013 (#)

Fantastic write my dear friend when I look at a slug from now on I won't squish it. You have helped save a few slugs lives. Be proud.

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author avatar Songbird B
13th May 2013 (#)

Lol thank you Terry..I know they say that many little old grey haired meek grannies are really mass murders in disguise when it comes to eradicating garden pests like these, lol, but I believe everything has a right to live..Just not necessarily when it's decimating my garden plants though! hahahaha..Great to see you here my friend..\0/x

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author avatar Terry Trainor
14th May 2013 (#)

It's great to be here.

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author avatar Songbird B
14th May 2013 (#)

And it's great to see you as well..I love and admire your work my dear friend..\0/x

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author avatar Bets
13th May 2013 (#)

Hello Bev, I know alot is crawling around in your head about what to write on next in the world of this sort. More vids yeh. LOL. Enjoyed this read. Was not 'sluggish' I might add...and no pun intended really. haha.
Smiles, Bets

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author avatar Songbird B
13th May 2013 (#)

Well hello Bets! I wrote this poem last year on my gardening site and it received such a great response from fellow gardeners, I decided to republish it here with some added embellishments..Those videos were a great find! Terrible puns Bets, but you can always make me smile my friend..\0/x

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author avatar Mystic Maid
13th May 2013 (#)

I enjoyed that... thanks!

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author avatar Songbird B
13th May 2013 (#)

Welcome Georgia, how lovely to have you drop in on me..Glad that you enjoyed! \0/x

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author avatar Shirley Shuler
14th May 2013 (#)

You made me laugh, Songbird. A very clever and funny piece indeed...hugs

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author avatar Songbird B
14th May 2013 (#)

Thank you Shirley, I am glad that I gave you a chuckle my friend. Taking a subject as ordinary as this and turning it into an poetic article was challenging but fun..lol Hugs back to you! \0/x

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author avatar LOVERME
14th May 2013 (#)

TOO GOOD
BUT WHY
don't you visit me
angry

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author avatar Songbird B
14th May 2013 (#)

Nice to see you on my page Loverme..Supporting each other here on Wikinut is important my friend, and much though I enjoy your poetry, I rarely see you on my page..I like to support those who support me too, as is the very basis of Wikinut. Pop in more often, and you will see me looking in too. Anger is a wasted and unnecessary emotion my friend..

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author avatar Delicia Powers
14th May 2013 (#)

Very delightful read-:o)...thanks Songbird...love the facts at the end...your page is always a treat and an inspiration -top notch!!!

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author avatar Songbird B
14th May 2013 (#)

Bless you Delicia, I am so glad that you enjoyed..Thank you dear friend for looking in on me..You are always a delight \0/x

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author avatar vellur
17th May 2013 (#)

Great poem and facts about slugs. Enjoyed reading.

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author avatar Songbird B
17th May 2013 (#)

Why thank you vellur for looking in on me and glad that you find it enjoyable..\0/x

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author avatar Md Rezaul Karim
28th May 2013 (#)

Well documented and pretty detail and nice graphics too. I appreciate the endeavor to the close observations of the neglected lazy walkers!

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author avatar Songbird B
28th May 2013 (#)

Oh how your post made me laugh dear Rezaul..Glad you enjoyed my humorous take on this..\0/x

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author avatar wonder
26th Jun 2013 (#)

Unlike the slug your poem is so spontaneous and witty.

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author avatar Songbird B
26th Feb 2014 (#)

Ah bless you wonder..This was fun to do and I hope it makes others smile too..\0/x

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author avatar krrymarie
18th Jul 2013 (#)

Great poem.. not been on for a while and this is the first one i read! thank you love it. Hope you are doing ok x

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author avatar Songbird B
26th Feb 2014 (#)

Thanks for looking in on me Kerry..Hope all is good with you too dear friend..\0/x

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
24th Sep 2013 (#)

Great peom dedicated to those annoying things that destroy our gradens. Still I used to gather a lot of slugs and put them in the bird feeders at home

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author avatar Songbird B
26th Feb 2014 (#)

However much I despise these little 'critters', I still can't find my way to kill them..Talk about soft! lol.. Thanks for looking in on me Fern..\0/x

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author avatar Legend
2nd Jan 2014 (#)

Great post! funny and informative

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author avatar Songbird B
26th Feb 2014 (#)

Thank you Legend, it is lovely to find you here on my page..Glad you enjoyed..\0/x

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author avatar Retired
22nd Feb 2015 (#)

Such a humorous piece and I can relate to every word.

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