Oh No She Didn't!!!!!

Rachel Jamezz By Rachel Jamezz, 11th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Personal Experiences

Read what happens when a woman gets fed up with being on the defensive for what shouldn't be so offensive....she writes a honest, sarcastic essay about it and laces it with bravado.

Pretty Girls Rock...so What's the Problem?

Before you all start calling me conceited and revoking my mirror privileges, my definition of a “pretty girl” is someone who takes pride in their appearance, warm personality, charitable, compassionate, confident, not messy, a trendsetter, go getter…I think you get the idea. I am sure I will get a lot of heat for writing on something that can appear superficial. But, I have had this discussion with friends and associates and I have decided to put the topic on paper. When having these casual discussions with friends whom I consider “pretty girls” this topic would continuously rear its ugly head. However, keep in mind that being a “pretty girl” has less to do with how you look and more about how you feel about yourself. “Pretty girls are all sizes, colors, and creeds so in the words of Ms. Keri Hilson “Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful.”

I, contrary to what some may say, have not always considered myself attractive. I grew up a victim of sexual abuse (by someone outside of my immediate family) and this left me with a morose view of myself and with even more morbid self-esteem issues. Not to mention that at the age of six my brother cut off two of my ponytails during a game of barber shop which went horribly wrong. This prompted my mother to take me to a real barber who had no choice but to cut my un-relaxed hair into a pint size Angela Davis afro. I was often mistaken for a boy and this, as you would guess, further corrupted my self-image.

High school was where the slow development of a positive and healthy self esteem began to build. My girlfriends and I were amongst the more popular crowd. I was on homecoming court, prom court and sweetheart swirl court. My best friend was prom queen our senior year and I recently learned that our homecoming queen, a gorgeous white girl, secretly thought that I was going to take the homecoming crown. When we, being typical teens, would compile lists like best dressed or cutest boy and girl then pass them around to each other, I would have votes for best body and/or cutest girl. Not that I would win but it just felt good knowing that someone thought I was pretty or that I had a hot body.

My mediocre self image followed me however, throughout high school and into my later teens. But, I am not having a pity party because of a childhood that made me wish I had entered the earth full grown or because I never won high school beauty contests on paper. I am having a temper tantrum because I am now tired of being chastised, belittled or singled out for being a self-ordained “pretty girl”. I do not think I am narcissistic or vain. Though, I have become more confident over the years. I am humbly proud when my girlfriends compliment me on my sense of style and ask for fashion tips. In college, I cut my hair boy short and wore blue lipstick with an attitude that dared someone to tell me I wasn’t fly.

But now, well off into my adult years, I find myself frustrated and annoyed when routinely running into people who eyeball me up and down when I enter a room, or will not speak when I speak to them, people who roll their eyes at my slightly above the knee length dresses, modest cleavage, five inch Jessica Simpson heels, and my, to be honest, undeniable swagger. Their hostile attitudes seemed to become more evident as my confidence grew. The sad part is that nearly 99.9% of this rude behavior comes from women. Women who should consider themselves pretty girls too but their judgmental nature makes them so ugly.

What happened to the days where we as women empowered each other and well… if you did not have anything nice to say you just did not say it at all? I have had it up to my 36 B, small C cups, with defending my choices in fashion, hairstyles and attitude. I am not going to apologize for being a pretty girl who rocks. I am tired of holding my tongue when someone whom, I would believe, lacks any real interest in fashion chastises me because I wear my jeans fitted. I am 5’2 with an athletic build (big butt, broad shoulders) so if my clothes are not form fitting I appear bigger than I am. Excuse me but the reason I get up at 5:30 a.m. and hit the gym or use my lunch break for an hour walk is so I can wear clothing that shows off my better assets.

However, others do not seem to agree with my philosophy. I recall finding myself in a heated debate with a female supervisor who decided to tell me that my knee length dress capris were, in fact, shorts and in violation of the dress code. I aggressively let her know that I was offended by her audacity to mention I was in violation, when several people (men) were dressed in scrubs which was a direct violation of all dress codes except the hospital. There were also several women whose breasts were about to jump out the confines of their shirts. However, I was the inappropriate one. I was offended because my outfit was simple, yet polished and I was actually overdressed for casual Friday. In my opinion, the supervisor was fashion challenged, had no idea of what was professional, unprofessional, trendy or casual. I also do not think pulling pink sponge rollers out of your hair and walking out the door equals a hairstyle. But, I kept my opinion to myself that day… like many days.

I am often around people whose first line when greeting me is “What do you have on?” or “Girl, those are some hooker heels” or “how did you get those pants on”. One associate commented “what corner are you working today?” because I wore red lipstick. My typical response is “Clothes” or “My man likes it” or “I don’t do corners I’m a high priced escort.” My boss said it best when she told me that if she did not have an issue with the way I dressed then no one else should either. That is also my philosophy.

Nonetheless, I am tired of laughing off other peoples’ insecurities or issues. Now don’t get me wrong, I have found myself guilty of the same offense however the more secure in myself I became the more I was able to recognize my negativity and eliminate it. I would never wear some of the things I see these same people wear, nor, sometimes, do I find it work appropriate or even appropriate for their body type but I do not feel the need to point that out to them. I don’t find it necessary to roll my eyes in exasperation nor make comments that may hurt their feelings. Instead, I find something that I do like about them and compliment them on that and then I keep it moving.

The real problem is that confidence can be intimidating to those who lack it. Confidence is easily envied and can border on arrogance. Like I previously stated, being a pretty girl has less to do with your genetic makeup and more to do with your attitude or charisma. If a woman walks into the room like she owns it, people are going to pay her attention. Those who envy her or are intimidated by her presence will say something like “she thinks she’s all that,” “look at this bitch” or “that dress is too tight.” However, those who admire or simply respect that type of confidence will walk over and say “those are some bad shoes girl” or “you workin’ that dress” or simply nothing at all. Game respects game.

Now don’t get me wrong, pretty girls can over do it. We can be over the top, push the boundaries and wear the wrong outfit, say the wrong thing or look the wrong way. (I am absolutely positive that people will debate the idea of me calling myself “pretty”.) But, I think you understand the point. We don’t have to like everything or anything another woman wears, because sometimes we just don’t like each other and that is ok too. Yes, it can be too damn tight, too much makeup or a flat out “hot mess”. But, we as women do not have to “hate on” each other to make ourselves feel better. That is not going to cure personal issues with ones’ self image. A person has to cure the inside before they can work on the outside.

People who try to kill my “swag” would never believe the journey that led me to become the woman I am today. I am now a woman comfortable in her own skin. I still have insecurities but they no longer consume me. I still make mistakes but they do not make me. So, I say, let’s take time out to get to know each other without the extra commentary. Then you would know that, I think jeans are only tight if you can’t get them past your butt. Dresses are only short if you can’t pick up a pencil without exposing yourself, and that I love the person I am now but I am still a work in progress.

So, women find the pretty girl in you and for the love of womankind…ROCK!


Abuse, Empowered, Empowerment, Empowerment Of Women, Encourage, Encouragement, Pretty, Pretty Ladies, Pretty Woman, Self-Confidence, Self-Discovery, Self-Image, Self-Realization, Self-Worth, Unity

Meet the author

author avatar Rachel Jamezz
I am an opinionated (loud mouth) but sweetly persuasive person who writes about various political, spiritual, and social issues and other stuff.

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author avatar Ashlee
15th May 2013 (#)

All I want to say is:
I stand up and applaud that "PRETTY GIRLS ROCK"... and we are beautiful in the skin that we are in...

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author avatar Mary
16th May 2013 (#)

This article could have been written by me - problem is, I'm not near as articulate as this author. I agree being beautiful is so much more than outward beauty. It's more on the inside and how secure you are being you. Like I was always taught by some very wise women in my life, if someone brings someone else down for whatever reason, it's usually because they have deep problems - pray for them.

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author avatar Evitashane
21st May 2013 (#)

ABSOLUTELY LOVED YOUR ARTICLE. I have worked in the Business arena for 90 percent of my work career. I have found that many women will dress according to the way they feel about their jobs instead of the way they feel about themselves. My job does not define me. I am beautiful and blessed no matter where I work. I love being a woman and feel free to adorn myself with all the trappings that come with that position. I wear heels, dresses and the like because I like them. I do not have to have a special occasion to feel good about myself. I don’t need to keep a closet full of “good clothes” and wear ratty things to work. I just had someone, the other day ask why was I dressed up? I relatively have the same style daily. I could have gotten really catty but being a beautiful woman also means that you have patience for people that have not yet evolved.

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