Ragnarok - Gods and Heroes versus Giants, Dragons Trolls etc.

Ian R Thorpe By Ian R Thorpe, 15th Feb 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Fantasy

So the end of the world is upon us again, this time it is Ragnarok when, according to Norse myth the earth splits asunder (I like that word) and the forces of darkness storm out for a final battle with the gods and heroes. This is not likely to happen of course, but just in case, LET'S PARTY.

The Final Battle Between Horned Beasts And Horny Guys

Ragnarok, the Viking Armageddon is almost upon us. What is Ragnarok you might well ask. It's the end of the world, some plank has wasted part of their precious time on the planet calculating the date on which the final battle between the Norse Gods and the forces of darkness will take place. And it is on February 22 this year. Yes folks just a few days away, only a week left to eat Spam, drink beer and swive flaxen haired maidens (if you can get hold of any - if not, bleached blondes will do).

In case you didn't know Ragnarok is the final, bloody battle between gods and heroes, and the assorted baddies or north European myth including trolls, goblins, elves (not cutesy pie ones with wings but nasty pieces of work) dragons like Nidhogg which will emerge from Nifleheim, the nether world and chew through the sapwood of Yggdrasil, the tree of life. Oh and the Midgard serpent will eat its tail.

According to that unimpeachable source the tourist brochure published by the Jorvik Viking Centre in York, Ragnarok is due in just a few days. Makes one wonder why they bothered with a brochure for the 2014 summer season when Skoll the ice wolf is going to swallow the sun and refuse to sick it up.

Ragnarok does promise to be quite a spectacle however, Angrbodr, the she demon, mother of all evil with have a really vicious bout of PMT and a bad hair day and she will make the Earth split open, releasing the inhabitants of Hel. As they attack, the ice giants of Jotunheim come crashing over the horizon, the dead heroes of Valhalla led by Odin and his twelve berserkers and including my ancestors Erik Bloodaxe and his best mate Thorfinn Skullsplitter will rush down from Valhalla (Viking heaven, lots of bacon, booze and fights) to do battle with them.

There will be – among other highlights – a giant serpent writhing out of the sea, the aforementioned Skoll eating the polar ice cap because he's learned that swallowing the sun was an extremely bad idea, Himinhrjot the giant man eating Ox eating giant men, Garm the hellhound will escape and my favourite, a ghost ship made from toenail clippings will attack cities and villages. It all sounds like the auditions round of The X Factor.

Just like classical mythology, the Bible and Shakespeare, the Norse myths can be traced like a thread running through Western culture and yet nobody has ever thought of teaching them in schools. Not surprising in this politically correct era, all the raping, pillaging and plundering would have bleeding hearts in a right old tizzy and the goblins, elves, wizards that Wagner and the Nazis adored makes it a tad embarrassing for the rest of us to admit an interest. As JRR Tolkien said, "that bloody little ignoramus Hitler ruined the Norse myths for everyone".

The best revenge against The Fuhrer then is to reclaim the myths he hijacked and return them to their true place in culture. Or at least get to know them a little before Ragnarok. Happy swiving.

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Dragons, Gods, Monsters, Myth, Norse, Ragnarok, Satire, Trolls, Viking

Meet the author

author avatar Ian R Thorpe
Born Manchester UK, 1948. varied early career from clerk via construction site worker and street trader to I T consultant. Performance poet, broadcaster, fiction writer and essayist on many topics.

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
16th Feb 2014 (#)

Nice piece and story as well my friend you should create a book or make it into a movie!

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author avatar Ian R Thorpe
17th Feb 2014 (#)

Unfortunately fern the story is over 1000 years old, I could hardly claim original authorship. Anyway I prefer Celtic myth, The Morrigan, a stunning green eyed redhead is goddess of retribution and the top guy, Dagda, went out and clobbered the Fenians (giants) with a club made from the trunk of a full grown ash tree. And the bad guys are great too, if you get lost on a dark night the Fear Dorocah might offer you hospitality, give yo food and strong ale and while you are asleep slit your throat with his fingernail. Good stuff, I did incorporate some of that into a story but it is languishing awaiting a rewrite for style and polish.

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