SEX AND MORALS: What About Sex Before Marriage?

HansonStarred Page By Hanson, 14th Apr 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Sexuality & Gender

Sex before marriage endangers the future of such marriage and depleted the confidence of a relationship, once a couple have had illicit sex, they look at each other with contempt, guilt and low self esteem. For marriage to succeed there must be chastity and self-control.

Sex Before Marriage

If you love each other, is it all right? Or should you wait until you're married? I'm a virgin. Is there something wrong with me? questions like this abound among different group of people. nevertheless it is the exceptional young person who has not had sexual intercourse while still in a teenager that will be particular about such issues.

And why not? you may ask, After all, it is only natural to want to feel loved. And when you are young, your passion can be powerful to the point of distraction. Furthermore, there's the influence of your peers. They may tell you that premarital sex is fun and that when you really like someone, it's only natural to be intimate.

Some may even say that having sex proves your manhood or womanhood. Not wanting to be viewed as odd, you may thus feel under pressure to experience sexual relations. Contrary to popular opinion, not all youths are in a hurry to give up their virginity. Consider for example, a young woman who was getting her check up when her doctor matter-of-factly inquired: "What method of interception are you using?" And she replied, "Am not using any," her doctor exclaimed; "what! Do you want to get pregnant?" "How do you expect not to get pregnant if you're not using anything?" And she replied "Because I'm not having sex!"

At this point, her doctor stared at her in disbelief. "This is unbelievable," he said. "Kids come in here 13 years old, and they are no longer virgins, "You are a remarkable person." What make her "remarkable"? She obeyed her parents and also keep to the Bible admonition; "Now the body is not for fornication (including premarital sex).... "Flee from fornication" (1 corinthians 6:13, 18)

Yes she recognized premarital sex as a serious sin against God! "This is what God wills," states 1 Thessalonians 4:3, "That you abstain from fornication." why, though, does the Bible forbid premarital sex?

The After Effects.

Even in the Bible times, some engaged in premarital sex. An immoral woman might invite a young man to indulge, saying; "Do come let us drink our fill of love until the morning; do let us enjoy each other with love expressions," (proverbs 7:18) The Bible however warned that pleasure enjoyed today can cause pain tomorrow.

"For as a honeycomb the lips of a strange woman keep dripping, and her palate is smoother than oil," observed Solomon. "But," he continued, "The after effect from her is as bitter as wormwood; it is as sharp as a two-edged sword."- proverbs 5:3, 4.

One possible after effect is the contracting of a sexually transmitted disease. Imagine the heartache if years later one learned that a sexual experience has caused irreparable damage, perhaps infertility or a serious health problem! As proverbs 5:11 warns, "You have to groan in your future when your flesh and your organism come to an end."

Premarital sex also leads to "illegitimacy" unwanted pregnancy, abortion, and premature marriage-each with its painful consequences. Yes, one engaging in premarital sex truly 'sin against his or her body' - 1 corinthians 6:18.

Recognizing such dangers, it is pertinent to 'be yourself.' Dr. Richard Lee wrote in the Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine: "We boast to our young people about our great breakthroughs in preventing pregnancy and treating venereal disease disregarding the most specific, the least expensive and toxic, preventative of both gestational and venereal distress - the ancient, honorable, and even healthy state of virginity."

Guilt and Disappointment

Many youth have further found premarital sex to be disappointing. The result? Feelings of guilt and diminished self-respect. A twenty year old youth admitted: "It was a big letdown-no feeling of good or warmth of love as it was supposed to be. Rather, the full realization of how wrong the act was hit me, I felt totally ashamed at my lack of self-control."

Another young woman confessed: "I came back to reality with a sickening thud...The party was over and I felt sick, cheap and dirty. It did not make me feel any better to hear him say, 'why on earth didn't you stop us before things went too far?"

Such reactions are not rare, according to Dr. Jay Segal. After studying the sexual activities of 2,436 college students, he concluded: "Dissatisfying and disappointing first (sexual intercourse) experiences exceeded those that were fulfilling and exciting by a ratio of almost two to one. Both male and female recalled that they were greatly disappointed." Granted, even married couple may sometimes have their difficulties when it comes to sex. But in a marriage, where there is genuine love and commitment, such problems usually can be worked out.

The Morning After

Once a couple have had illicit relations, they often look at each other differently. A boy may find that his feelings for the girl are not as intense as before, he may even find her less attractive. A girl, on the other hand, may feel exploited. This point to the Bible account of the young man Amnon and how lovesick he was over the virgin Tamar. Yet, after intercourse with her, "Amnon began hating her with a very great hatred." 2 Samuel 13:15.

A girl once admitted having the above similar experience, she declared; After having sexual relations, "I hated myself for my weakness and I hated my boyfriend. In fact, the sex relation we thought would bring us closer ended our relationship. I didn't even want to see him again," Yes, by having premarital sex, a couple cross a line over which they can never go back!

Paul H. Landis, a respected researcher in the field of 'Family Life' observes; "The temporary effect of premarital sex may be to strengthen the relationship, but the long- term effects may be quite different." Indeed, couples who have sex are more likely to break up than are those who abstain! The reason? Illicit sex breeds jealousy and distrust.

"Some fellows, when they have intercourse, think afterwards, 'if she had it with me maybe she had it with someone else.' As a matter of fact, I felt that way....I was extremely jealous and doubtful and suspicious admitted one youth."

How remote this is from genuine love, which "is not jealous....does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interest," (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) The love that build lasting relationships is not based on blind passion.

The Benefits of Chastity - Peace and Self Respect

Staying chaste, however does more than help a youth avoid dire consequences. The Bible tells of a young maiden who remained chaste despite intense love for her boyfriend. As a result, she could proudly say; "I am a wall, and my breast are like towers," She was no 'swinging door' that easily 'opened up' under immoral pressure.

Morally, she stood like the unscalable wall of a fortress with inaccessible towers! She deserved to be called "The pure one" and could say of her prospective husband, "I have become in his eyes like her that is finding peace." Her own peace of mind contributed to the contentment between the two of them. (Song of Solomon 6:9, 10; 8:9, 10.

In marriage, however, a healthy intimate relationship demands restraint, self-control. The focus must be on 'giving, rendering one's sexual due, rather than getting (1 Corinthians 7:3-4) Staying chaste help you develop such self-control. It teaches you to put unselfish concern for the other's welfare ahead of your own desire.

Remember, too, that marital satisfaction is not purely due to physical factors. Sociologist Seymour Fisher says that a woman's sexual response also depends upon her having "Feelings of intimacy, closeness, and dependability" and upon her husband's "Ability to identify with his wife, much confidence she had in him."

Those who wait until marriage also enjoyed peace of mind, knowing they are pleasing to God, still, staying chaste these days is far from easy, therefore what can help you to do so is you and the word of God.


Abortion, As Bitter As Wormwood, Contraception, Expensive And Toxic, Guilt And Disappointment, Illicit Sex, Letdown, Low Self Esteem, Marital Happiness, Sex And Morals, Sex Before Marriage, Sexual Fornication, Teenage Love, Teenagers Need For Privacy, Unwanted Pregnancy, Venereal Disease

Meet the author

author avatar Hanson
Am a safety Professional down to earth, with passion for nature and the environment. My writing will focus on Safety and Environmental issues with other issues related to the children.

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
18th May 2014 (#)


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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
18th May 2014 (#)

Hey MmmBop!!!! I did this, married my man as a virgin and still married to him.
I prefer it that way not for any kind of sorority but for my personal satisfaction. Men and women for that side of the arena never interested me. Showed interest for One and married him.

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author avatar Stella Mitchell
19th May 2014 (#)

This is an excellent post Hanson . Very sound from a Godly view point .
Many blessings to you
Stella ><.

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author avatar Stella Mitchell
19th May 2014 (#)

I was going to say you deserved a star for this .... but happy to see you have received one .
More blessings
Stella ><

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author avatar snerfu
19th May 2014 (#)

Nice article Ms Hanson.

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author avatar LOVERME
28th Jun 2014 (#)

the whole purpose of dating is...
to ascertain sexual and mental compatibilities ...
ere divorce

why marry if u have to divorce and check this out those gals and guys have had sex many times with many partners seek more and thus sadly mostly end up in divorce ...
many western guys and gals live a life together for years...
never divorce now easterners want to follow the divorce course...
the circle must come around so it seems..
by learning from personal mistakes only ...
use a variety of poses as in Kamasutra and you may
see and feel the same orgasmication and with a single person from a million angles .... thirty variety of forms a month...may give you a feeling of a different one.. being ...
happiness has to be cultivated by both ...not only one hence premarital sex if you want to be and live divorce- less

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author avatar Kingwell
5th Dec 2014 (#)

Interesting read but we are all different. Most young people find it difficult to control their hormones and it is certainly a personal matter. There is no need for guilt yet many people have suffered for much of their lives because they felt that they had done something wrong.

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