Taygirl6121 By Taygirl6121, 22nd Jan 2016 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Narrative

This is a true story of my life and one of my first college pieces.


I’ve already faced it a half dozen times. Three grandmothers, two cousins, now him. The word has passed my lips a thousand times and has never phased me until now. Hasn’t this sickness stolen enough? Why now? Why him?
The empty whiteness of my wall has always calmed me. I could dream up anything on that wall; Dancers cross the stage, their costumes textured by spackle. Colors dance across a blank canvas. I imagine two people, three, four, five. My gaze follows the light and shadow crossing over their angelic, childlike faces.
I dream up my visions, overpowering the white on the wall. The angels blend together as two beings. Time reverses. Shams and I rotate towards the top of the ferris wheel, the twinkling lights against the dark, cloudy sky. Sneaking out, we hid within the shadowy corner of the local coffee house. Our first kiss shared under the rainy sky, our nice clothes sopping. We ignore the shrieking of our chemistry teacher as a spark lights up the lightbulb in front of us. I don’t think it was the battery; I was gazing into his deep brown eyes. Fast forward now to him pulling out a delicate small silver and purple band, slipping it onto my finger. Red, gold and purple surround us as we seal with a final and first kiss.
A white wall. Empty. Lonely. Gone. I see nothing; a blank wall stands as my only comfort. Even its blank space is no relief for what I dream coming.
My hands don’t move but the bright little screen of a phone shakes in front of my face, mocking me. Shadows play on my wall now; once comforting angels now demonic shapes sucking all the light out of the room, taking the warmth of my body from my lips. Chills run all over my skin but I don’t shiver. I am frozen. I can’t move.
Accept or Decline? A shadow from the wall pushes the button for me. I’m not ready for this. A blur of words line up, but I can only read two words. They seem to flash out like a neon sign.
He’s under.
Those two words could mean life or death for either one or two beings. The creature inside of Shams fighting for control of his body. This parasitic tumor has been threatening his life for too long. The cure may take this it, but it may take him too. The cure, surgery. Anesthetic; A hazy dreamland free from pain, too easy to spend forever there.
Another buzzing wakes me from my daymare only to send me back into a tailspin, into the deepest of all pits.
His heart...he’s gone.
Nothing. There is nothing. My body numb, my eyes blind. I fall against the wall but it seems to fall away from beneath me. I hit the floor. My once strong protector whom distracted me and protected me from the world has gone. He’s left me behind. He promised me he’d be okay. He promised he’d never leave me. My body backs up into the wall and I curl up. Shams, you promised. A drop of blood fall on the tan carpet, staining it crimson but I don’t bother to look where it came from. The pool steadily grows.
Sleep overcomes but does not bring relief. Nightmares of dancing shadows, broken walls and parasites attack me even in the hazy world between dream and wake.

Was it only a few weeks ago when we were happy, when everything was normal? Ninety days ago, we were still grinning, sharing our time and secrets. Sixty days ago we hurried home in the rain, arriving sopping wet at my door. Thirty days ago, we hugged as I watched him go. One day ago, when he was still alive.

I awaken after an hour and a half to another buzz against my hip. I’m sure an army was attacking my skull from the inside, trying to dig their way out. My vision was blurred as I searched for my phone. I picked it up and dropped it again. Another message from his Mr. Saleem.
He’s dead. I rub my eyes, dry and painful. He’s dead. I attempt to stand on wobbly legs. He’s dead. I pick up my phone and push Accept. He’s dead. How could it be any worse than it already is; what have I got to lose?
“He woke up.” I drop my phone again, but quickly rush to retrieve it. I’ve abused it over the last day in worry, now I baby the poor pile of wires and plastic in my hands.
He woke up.
I reread this three word sentence a half dozen times before I believe it. I reply with flying fingers. He’s okay. He’s alive.
They revived him. They started his heart again. He’s asleep now but keeps saying your name.
The cancer has been beaten if only this once. It, which has taken so much from him is beaten at last. He can live the life he’s always wanted to. He can go to college, raise a family, live many years that were almost stolen from him. He is free; we are free. This trial can be overcome, somehow. Maybe someday we’ll stop it forever. I lean up against the wall, strong, sturdy and white; full of possibilities.


Boyfriend, Cancer, Death, Fiance, Love, Shadows

Meet the author

author avatar Taygirl6121
I am a student writer in Idaho with a great deal of love for all types of writing. I hope to put a little bit of everything I write out there.

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