Someone to love

Carol By Carol, 5th Mar 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Writing>Short Stories

She lost her husband and her child, and now she needed someone to love.

Someone to Love

She was falling, down, down, into a bottomless pit, it was pitch dark, and she wanted to save herself , but she couldn't. Panic rushed through her shaking body and, she heard the screams. She briefly wondered if they were they coming from her own mouth, and then bump......

Amy woke up with a start, the perspiration was pouring off her trembling body, the room was dark, silent, and empty, as she lay back on her pillow in the big bed , and wept. She wept for the beautiful little boy she had lost, and the husband who had deserted her, before he had even been born.

Why had she fought against that pit? Her life was over now. She had been so brave and determined when he left her, she could cope with being a single mother. He had thrown her love back in her face, and she was going to love her little boy, and give him the best life that she could, because she still had someone to love.

His Birth

But it had all gone wrong for her. Her darling little son had come early, and when he was born, he hadn't cried. She had lain there with terror in her heart, it got worse when they whisked him away, and she kept asking what was wrong, and they didn't tell her. When they finally did tell her, very gently and kindly, she heard the words "stillborn", but rejected them. She couldn't lose him, he was all she had, but it was true, she couldn't go on deluding herself, her son had never lived, and she was alone.

She had kept her grief inside, so much pain, and no-one to share it with. He hadn't come to see her, and she wanted it that way. He had another life now, and the last bond that might have connected them had been broken. She left hospital very quickly afterwards, her body had recovered, but her heart never would, and being near to other mothers with new born babies was too much to bear.

She told them she was going to stay with her mother, all her training as a nurse came in useful, as she knew they would not allow her to go home in such distress. She agreed to the counselling, it would all be arranged. She would agree to anything just to get back in her own home. But she realised that had been a huge mistake,the home they had shared, with all the memories before he had met someone else.

Amy made a plan

All her life Amy had bounced back, even when her own mother died because she was a survivor. It made her angry when she thought that some people were not fit to be mums. She would have been a great mum, whereas the good time girl in the next bed would not, because she didn't even know who the father was. The more she thought about it, the more she made up her mind, she would fix it for herself, because it was all down to her, no-one else cared.

She got out of bed with a new sense of purpose. After showering, she put on her nurse's uniform, and found the blonde wig, which changed her appearance completely. She added some very severe glasses, and even she didn't recognise herself now. She found some comfortable flat shoes because it was quite a long walk down the hospital corridor.

She arrived at the hospital

When she got there, she took the long walk towards the maternity wing. No-one really looked at the nurse walking with such purposefulness, she was in her own environment. She slipped itno the toliet, just to make sure her very light makeup was intact. Now her heart was thumping because the maternity ward was right next door.

When she entered the ward, there was not another nurse in sight, which was not unusual because of the cut backs. Chloe was trying to sleep, but her little son was having none of it. She spotted Amy, and Amy's heart stood still.
" Nurse I feel so tired, and he is so fussy today." she moaned.
" I'll take him to the nursery and feed him." said Amy crisply, and seeing the relief in the girl's eyes, she exulted inwardly.

It couldn't have been easier, Chloe turned over with a satisfied sigh, so Amy tenderly gathered up the crying baby, and he instantly stopped, feeling the warmth and comfort of her arms.

She tried to walk at an even pace, down the long corridor, keeping her eyes fixed ahead, the impulse to flee had to be ignored, and she forced herself to be calm. Her precious bundle was nestling in her arms, so this must be the right thing to do.

Amy reached the exit

After what seemed like an eternity, she reached the doors that led from the hospital to the car park. her car was a minute away. She had all the baby equipment at home. This little man would want for nothing.

She had a baby seat in the car, all ready for him. Now she could make her getaway. But there was one thing Amy had forgotten, it was her conscience, and it rose defiantly inside her,wrestling with her determination to see this through.

How could she judge Chloe? Just because she was a goodtime girl, didn't mean that she didn't love her baby. She was on her own too, her baby would mean everything to her.

Now that her moment of madness had passed, Amy was filled with horror at what she had done. She had snatched someone else's baby! But how could she go back with him, and then walk away with empty arms again?

She didn't have to, as she walked up the corridor , she saw one of the nurses from the maternity ward, so acted swiftly.
" Here is Chloe's baby, I took him for a walk to get him off to sleep, but he needs to go back now, and I'm due to finish."

The young nurse gathered him in her arms, puzzled, she didn't recognise this nurse at all.
" Ok, but where have you come from?" she enquired.
" I'm just an .agency temp." said Amy, and before she could ask anything else, she went round the corner, and headed back towards the door. Panic was rising inside her at the realisation she was a baby snatcher.

The young nurse didn' t waste any more time thinking about it, and the baby was soon back with his mother, none the worse for wear. But Amy was troubled, and mortified with herself for what she had nearly done.

She realised at that moment what severe depression she was suffering from, and how much worse it could have been if her conscience hadn't set in. She decided right then she would get herself the help she needed, no longer would she sit there sorry for herself. She would allow herself to grieve for her darling son, and maybe one day, she would be able to move on.

If you have been affected by this story, click here

Tags

Amy, Baby, Chloe, Counselling, Death, Depression, Hospital, Nurse, Post Natal, Son, Stillborn, Ward

Meet the author

author avatar Carol
I am a proud mother and grandmother, and an author. I have had 7 books published. My hobbies are walking, swimming, and playing badminton. I try to raise more awareness of autism with my writing.

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Comments

author avatar christopheranton
6th Mar 2011 (#)

Thanks for a truly moving story Carol.

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author avatar Carol
6th Mar 2011 (#)

You are welcome Chris

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author avatar James R. Coffey
6th Mar 2011 (#)

Wow! Pretty intense reading.

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author avatar muthusamy
6th Mar 2011 (#)

I am moved very much. We need writings like this. Thank you for the share

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author avatar Carol
6th Mar 2011 (#)

Thanks James and muthusamy

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author avatar Songbird B
6th Mar 2011 (#)

Deeply moving and a great writing, Carol...I was captivated right to the end, always the sign of a good story.....Great share my friend...

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author avatar Tranquilpen
6th Mar 2011 (#)

A very moving story, and a "real life drama" to boot. At least in our country it's the case, every now and then. Thank you Carol.

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author avatar Carol
6th Mar 2011 (#)

Thanks Tranquilpen and Songbird

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author avatar Retired
7th Mar 2011 (#)

this is powerful moving, and well wow.

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author avatar Carol
7th Mar 2011 (#)

Thanks Rebecca

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author avatar JohnH
7th Mar 2011 (#)

this is well written and the ending is bitter sweet.

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author avatar ppruel
8th Mar 2011 (#)

I guess there is a follow up for this touching and moving story. I was entertained! Thanks.

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author avatar Denise O
8th Mar 2011 (#)

I agree, very moving and I am so glad she thought before she laid pain on another. Nice read, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar Carol
8th Mar 2011 (#)

you are welcome Denise and ppruel

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author avatar Retired
11th Mar 2011 (#)

The baby blues, post-pardon depression can do crazy things to a womans body and mind. Your ending was a relief.

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author avatar richardpeeej
13th Mar 2011 (#)

I was so engrossed reading this article Carol I was right there and felt so moved. Thanks for telling us about this.

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author avatar Carol
13th Mar 2011 (#)

Thanks Elaine and Richard

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